Pretty Well.

There was instantly some grumbling from Clayface as the movie started. “Colorized…hmmmph…in my day…” it was colorized in her day too! Clayface was older than anyone else in the app, but she wasn’t old enough to have seen it in its original state from the fucking 40s.

I stopped the movie and Clayface spun around to glare at me. “You all voted no talking during the film. The first time that rule is broken, I will stop the movie until they agree not to do it again. Further consequences will be more severe.”

Clayfave frowned. “I…apologize. I will not speak during the film again.” +2 SP (Clayface: +31)

Well, there went my second punishment…fuck I hoped I didn’t have to go further. The next approved ‘punishment’ after apologize was canceling the movie night. I doubted that would go well.

The film started again. I took up position where I could see Clayface, who was sitting right in the middle. For some reason, everyone else had moved their chairs so they wouldn’t interfere with Clayface’s view, creating an arc around the small room, rather than my rows. That was actually better, as the limitation was mainly the number of chairs and security, there was enough room. They’d also offset the chairs so people’s view wouldn’t be blocked. Sound quality wasn’t great, as it was just some plug in speakers and my laptop, but the room wasn’t that big, so it wasn’t hard to hear, even the incredibly fast paced dialogue of the screwball comedy.

As the film began, Clayface was mouthing along to Cary Grant’s newspaper editor’s twisty, tricky, speed-of-liight dialogue, but then Rosalind Russell’s reporting instincts sent her chasing after the story, away from Grant (at least physically) and gave her a lot more good lines and speeches, Clayface started mouthing along to her lines. Which continued right through their reconciliation, Grant’s machinations against her fiance and them sending him off, even through the ending where their long-delayed honeymoon is converted, again, to a reporting trip.

As the credits began, Clayface surged to massive, muddy feet, but despite every guard in the room flinching and reaching for their weapon (even me) she was giving a rousing, standing ovation. After a moment, the rest of the inmates went along with that, none of them daring to stop until Clayface did.

“Brava! A tour-de-**** of the old screwball style. They don’t make films like that any more! A shame it was the colorized version, not the original, but that was the only flaw in an otherwise brilliant film! Well, that and the unfortunate audio quality. Young man, you need to get some true speakers for that abomination of modern technology.”

A little defensively, I responded. “Look, Arkham isn’t funding this and they don’t pay me enough to buy a good sound system.” Several people opened their mouths, but I kept talking. “Which is not an invitation for a bribe. If you want improved facilities/equipment, donate to Arkham, not me. But it may get…diverted before it gets to me, so I make no promises. Now, we have two hours, it only took five minutes to get started, the film was just about ninety-five,” I gave Clayface a look. “So, you can discuss the film, or check out the library for the rest of your time--” as they started to break up, I kept speaking, “After you all help me put this place back the way it was!”

Everyone was moving to help, then Clayface suddenly erupted in an array of tentacles that had everything back in place in less than a minute. +2 SP (Clayface: +33). Which was super fucking efficient…and also ensured no one else was talking to her…except me.

I walked over to her. “Well, what did you think? You’re the expert, after all.”

“Well, when one watches true cinema, every watching teaches you something new. In the past, I’ve always focused on Cary Grant’s performance, after all, he’s still a legend, even in this fallen age. But this time I was more impressed by Rosalind Russell’s performance as Hildy. Anyone who can hold their own in a scene with Cary Grant is definitely worth studying.”

I nodded. “I guess, with your talent, you could play any role you wanted. Couldn’t you?”

”Of course. A true act-tor, can play any role!”

“That speech of hers, rejecting Cary Grant’s character…that was so impressive. How did it g--”

Clayface spun into Hildy’s appearance before I could even get to that part, though she did go with the black and white version, which was both impressive and weird.

“Now, get this, you double-crossing chimpanzee: There ain't gonna be an interview, and there ain't gonna be a story. And that certified check of yours is leaving here with me in twenty minutes. I wouldn't cover the burning of Rome for you if they were just lighting it up. If I ever lay my two eyes on you again, I'm gonna walk right up to you and hammer on that monkey skull of yours 'til it rings like a Chinese gong!”

I applauded, without needing to be threatened. She really was a fucking fantastic actress. “This is really a movie carried on the audio and performances…I do wish I had better audio for you. Forgive me.”

“Of course. You’re the only other cultured man I’ve found here.” The reminder that Clayface thought of themselves as male and the lack of points combined to make that a very annoying statement.

“Which is why I don’t mind the colorized version. It can’t take away from the acting, or that rapid-fire audio, or the chemistry between the leads.

“Balderdash,” Clayface boomed, still wearing Rosalind’s face which made for an amusing contrast. “The colorization causes some loss in details in the visuals.”

We argued about that for a while, in a pleasant way, without ever getting close to the line, or me making too much progress, until I realized what I was doing wrong.

“Eh, even if I agreed with you, even colorized, it’s still miles better than most modern movies.” I said. “You have to agree with that.”

“Well…modern movies are shit…of course it’s better!” +4 SP (Clayface: +37) “But the black-and-white version is even better.”

I shrugged. “At least we obviously agree that this is the superior version. Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell can’t be bettered.”

Clayface blinked and shifted back to their monstrous form, looming over me, menacingly, “Are they trying to remake this classical film? Heathens! Blasphemy! Greedy--”

Before things could go more wrong, I cut in, “No, no, this is the remake. There’s an older version called the Front Page. Doesn’t even have the Hildy-Burns romance!”

There was a moment, then I was talking to ‘Hildy’ again. “Ah…I have not seen that film. It’s probably even better!”

I blinked. “It’s okay, but if you think Adolphe Menjou can fill Cary Grant’s shoes, then I say that I want some of whatever you’ve been smoking.”

“Menjou is a good actor, even if his politics weren’t…”

I gave her flat look. “Cary Grant.”

“Okay…okay, you got me.” +8 SP (Clayface: +45) “This was back when Hollywood still knew how to do things, even remakes.”

I nodded. “It’s a shame you’re not still in the game…putting everything else aside, the number of movies an actor who could appear as a child with your skills could save is insane.”

We talked for a few more minutes, but I made no progress until our time was us. “Thanks folks, your next movie night is on the schedule, remember to vote and remember no **** on the voting.” I gave Clayface a smile. Hadn’t made it to 50…but progress. A lot of it.

That gave me enough credits for the Intimidating Presence Upgrade, which also unlocked an additional upgrade.

Reduce chance of defeat required to nominal: 25 credits.

Fuck. Well, I wasn’t saving up for that now. I’d discuss it with Asa. Maybe Diamond too. I was telling her tomorrow…double fuck.

That was a bit of a tense end to my work day, but I still had the rest of my day.