Porkum Really Wants To Take Sue Storm On A Date

Earlier, in Porkum's lair

"A date?" Doom's voice was uncharacteristically incredulous. "Is that not...precipitous?"

Porkum tied the bowtie on his custom-made suit. It wasn't exactly slimming, but it gave him freedom of movement and effectively hid his immense prick, while emphasizing the pig-man's broad chest and wide shoulders.

"She's been eating my chocolates," Porkum said. "But it's not like she's just going to fall to her knees and suck me off, I'm sorry to say. But she's weak, ****, lonely, and horny. She'll be open to a night on the town. I'll wine and dine her. Pour on the charm. Soon enough, she'll be falling in love with me."

"You are four hundred pounds of porcine mutant," Doom said baldly. "She is married, with children, one of the most powerful beings on the planet, with the body of a model or A-list actress. Even with your biochemical powers, I cannot predict her having anything but absolute and utter disgust for you."

"And that kind of thinking is why you need me!" Porkum said as he turned to pick up the flowers and chocolates. "Women like attention! They need it! She's a princess in a tower, just waiting for her gallant knight to sweep her off of her feet! You think just because she's married and has kids she doesn't want to go out dancing? Trust me, I'll have that blonde cooze eatin' out of the palm of my hand in no time!"

"If this goes badly," Doom said, before he ended the call. "I will not rescue you."

Now, at the Baxter Building

Malice smiled as the elevator door opened. In person, Porkum was even larger and uglier than he had appeared on camera. He was barely taller than the blonde in the black dress, but nearly as wide at the shoulder. His grey pinstripe suit was impeccably tailored, but couldn't hide the huge bulge of the belly...or the smell. Porkum had doused himself in cologne, but beneath it was a familiar low-level funk that Sue knew far too well. The testosterone reek that accompanied most men and boys, which they themselves were often totally unaware of. Except this was stronger than any she had ever smelled. When he stepped forward off the elevator to hand her the flowers and chocolates, it was like Malice had climbed into a jizzrag.

Disgusting pig, Malice thought as she took the gifts and laid them gently aside onto a nearby table. I should pop your head off right now.

Instead, Malice said: "Mr. Porkum. So nice to meet you. I've been very much enjoying your chocolates."

"Call me Porky," the pig-man beamed. He extended his hand. Malice blinked, not sure if he wanted to shake. But she extended her hand and watched in bemusement as the mutant bent nearly double, to press his lips against her fingers. Which also meant he pressed her snout into her wrist. When Malice finally got her hand back, it felt unclean.

"Alright, Porky," she said. "You can call me Susan. H.E.R.B.I.E., a vase for these flowers."

"Affirmative," the little robot said, and sped off. Malice took the opportunity to open the heart-shaped box. As she hoped, it was full of Porkum's bonbons. Fancy ones, too. The dark chocolate was covered by a swirl of some kind of white glaze.

"Hmm," Malice said, as she bit into one of the chocolates. Porkum leered as he watched her suck the cream down her throat. When she had finished, she eyed him appreciatively. "What exactly were your plans tonight? I have to admit, I didn't expect you...and so late..."

"But you're dressed for a night out!" Porkum beamed. His pink skin gleamed as if fresh-scrubbed. "And I know the perfect place. Exclusive. Somewhere we can get away for a while, talk, get to know each other."

Malice fingered the wedding ring on her left hand. She hadn't taken it off yet. If she was seen, in public, with Porkum, then Sue Storm's reputation would take a hit. The villain wondered if that was really what she wanted out of this. After all, what she wanted from Porkum was information. The only question was, how best to wring it out of him?