Porkum Is Upset At This Turn of Events

Porkum's small black lies found the clock that ticked in the corner of the screen. He frowned. Sue Storm, his own private Invisible Slut, was late. His cock had a date with her cunt. With a grunt her dug through the trash to find a burner phone and dialed his private whore.

It was Janet van Dyne who answered.

"She's mine," the Wasp said, cutting Porkum off before he could say a word. "And I'm not sharing."

Porkum grunted.

"That wasn't our deal," he said.

"I changed the deal," the Wasp said, and resisted the urge to complete the Darth Vader line. Instead, she activated an app that Hank Pym had once created when paranoid about Ultron uploading himself into the cell phone network.

The burner phone in Porkum's pink paw smoked and sparked. He threw it away a moment before it exploded.

"That winged whore!" the pig-man-mutant growled. He turned toward the screen. "Call Doom!"

The porn on screen froze. Minutes passed. Then, a sub-screen popped up, showing the visage of Doctor Doom. The armored monarch of Latveria listened as Porkum raved, a bottle of beer in his free hand. The cold eyes of Doctor Doom followed the naked mutant, keeping his own counsel until at last Porkum had finished.

"This information," Doom said. "Is appreciated."

There was a moment of silence between them. Porkum stared, unable to comprehend.

"Aren't you...I mean, we need to go after her, put this bitch in her place..." Porkum said, voice strangely hollow.

Doom's head tilted slightly.

"Why?" he said.

Porkum stared back, unable to comprehend the question.

"Your task," Doom reminded him. "Was to corrupt Sue Storm. To break up the Fantastic Four from within. Her sexual servitude to the Wasp will accomplish this task. The Fantastic Four will demand her return; the Wasp, her brain chemistry altered from her encounters with you, will resist. They will call on allies. The ensuing struggle will break the family apart. Sue Storm is already too compromised to return to her husband. Your task is complete."

Porkum's jaw hung open. The bottle of beer fell from a limp hand.

"But...but I was going to...that blonde goddess was supposed to be mine!" Porkum blubbered. "That was the deal!"

"That was not the deal," Doctor Doom said evenly. "Our agreement was quid pro quo. You destroy one of my enemies, and I will destroy one of yours. To make the Invisible Woman your sexual **** until you tired of her was never part of our bargain."

Porkum fell back into his chair. He had been riding a gravy train of Doom's creation, only now realizing that he was but a tool—and one that had already served its purpose.

His brow furrowed. Dark eyes flashed.

"Alright then," Porkum said. "If you say I've done my part, then it's time for you to honor your end of the deal! I name an enemy, and you take them out!"

Doctor Doom nodded.

"So be it."