Pimp

"Come, GIR, and I will show you the plan. the amazing plan..!" The elevator took them up to the uppermost level of the base, disguised as a normal human household. And doing an okay job of it, all things considered! Zim turned on the TV and from the screen, a monkey with a lobotomy stared back at them, breathing heavily with a threatening yet blank look in his eyes.

"Monkey!!" squealed GIR with glee. "Yay, the Evil Monkey is on our team now!!"

"No, GIR, no monkeys!"

"_NNNOOOOOOOOOOo_kay."

The channel changed until it reached BOH.

"This, GIR, is what the humans call 'Box Office at Home'. Though I have not yet found this office they say is in the baseAND I SHALL, IT CANNOT EVADE ME, I AM ZIM!! While this office remains elusive for now, it has given me this idea...back."

On TV, a man dressed in flamboyant purple fur and covered in sparkly jewels and gold sat on a silver throne with twenty women of varying degrees of suicidal.

"Master's gonna be a pretty princess," GIR said.

"BE QUIET!!!"

The man on the screen was being interviewed by an unseen interviewer.

Man: And just what is it about being a pimp that ain't easy?

Pimp: Well, firs' uvall, you gotta say that shit right. It ain't "pimp", it's pronounced "Pyimp." Say it with me nah.

Man: ....pymip.

Pimp: A'right then. Now whatchu gotta unnerstan' izzat pyimpin' ain't easy, you know? You gotsta count money, keep these uppity byitches in check and making money so you can counts it, uh, you gotsta smack some hos an' shit. It's rough, baby.

Man: How exactly do you control the women?

Pimp: I don't deal in women, muhfukkuh, I deals in hos, tricks, skanks, chickenheads, sluts, loose bitches an' hos.

Man: You said hos twice.

Pimp: I gotta lotta hos. An' a shortage of chickenheads. Ain't that always the way?

Man: I guess.

Pimp: So anywhay, the way I control my hos is that I just tells 'em "hey, bitch! You my ho now an' if you ain't wittit, well, fuck you den!" That usually works. An' if it don't, well, fuck that bitch, den! I'm a man of simple tastes, an' if these bitches won't hop on cock with mo' effort than that, I cain't use 'em.

Man: I see. Do you face discrimination from other...pyimps..for being Caucasian?

Pimp: Othuh niggaz always drink that Haterade, but mostly they hate on me cuz I make stax fatter'n they mamma.

Man: I can't believe I left Mysterious Mysteries for this...

Zim turns the TV off.

"Do you understand the plan now, GIR?"

"....I'mma beat up the couch now! Surprise, couch!" GIR jumped up onto the couch and began rapidly punching it, making squeaking sounds on impact. "EE-HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!"

Zim was unfazed by GIR's lack of interest. "Precisely! If I can become one of these pyimps, then I can control the females of this slimy, disgusting species! Once I have their females in my control, the males will follow them. But where will they follow them to, you ask? Into destruction, is where they will be followed to! Which is good, because I wanna destroy 'em. I like when plans come together. Anyway, it seems that these females possess some kind of mind control over males that render them even more stupid and drooling than usual. As I cannot yet use this power, I must harness it from within the females! With an army of mind-controlling slaves, the world will be mine!! AAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"I like it when the ladies pet me!"

"...i'm going to launch you into the sun when i no longer need you, GIR. i just thought you'd like to know that."