Picnic at the End of the Universe

April 18th 1 980 664 187 900 909 418 117 141 876 401 019 445 AD
11:18 AM

I landed in the middle of the lawn with a spring in my step.

"So here we are!" Everything there I had prepared beforehand just for that outing.
A flat disk floated through empty space enclosed by a glass dome. Long grass cropped up all around the surface from one edge to the next. That was the real deal by the way. Actual grass grown in the vastness of space. All thanks to the bright amber light pulsating from the crystal orbs fixed to the steel claw that held the glass bubble together.

Beatrice entered next, followed by her familiar, then the Fake Assassin coming in last. Wonder Witch narrowed her eyes, almost as if searching for something hidden. Or, for that matter, anything that could make for a hiding place at all.
"Well..." She said, "As far as venues go, this certainly is... A choice."
"Yeah, you like it?" I rolled out a plaid blanket and spread it across the lawn.

Beatrice stared through the glass. No matter where she looked, she could find nothing but blackness.
Black to the left. Black to the right. Black everywhere, as far as the eyes could see. But the walls were translucent, not black. That's right, all that was on the other side of the bubble was long stretches of uninterrupted emptiness.

"I'm not going to lie, Allison." She strutted around the lot, "I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting... Nothing."
"But that's the thing!" I jumped up to grab her by the shoulder, spinning her towards the next indiscernible corner of empty void as if that would help her see, "There's never been nothing before! There's always something that happens! Or is waiting to happen! One process begets another, and so the circle begins anew. But one day, long after the last star has died out, the universe will run out of stuff to make stuff happen. And here's the result: The heat **** of the universe! All matter has been dissolved into energy. All energy has been distributed equally across space. This is the ultimate fate of existence, as dictated by the laws of entropy from the moment the universe was birthed. From now and for all of time, nothing will ever change. Yes. Everything that happens in the universe has already happened. Everything that could possibly happen is behind us. Now we stand here before this cemetery of all that ever was to look out into the cold uninviting emptiness that remains."

I slapped a golden plaque in place on the wall.
It said "NO LITTERING"

Wonder Witch checked out the sign, "What's that?"
I smirked, "Oh, just my prize money from the Tournament."
She stared at me blankly.
"You... I'm sorry... What? You took six thousand four-hundred Gold, and... And melted it into a sign?"
I nodded excitedly, "Uh huh. It's not like anything else would do the job! The universe, once dead, is gonna be dead for a long time. If I want my sign to last, I need it to be made out of something that won't decay so quickly, and gold is the way to go!"
She peered at me from over her shoulder, "You do know the Gold is not actually made of gold?"
"Huh? Seriously?"
She shook her head, "Yes. Rest assured, you don't want to know how they're actually made. Trust me."
"Still, that's so confusing! Ugh... That's what I get for trying to use science in a fantasy universe."
"If it's of any consolation, I absolutely adore this... Whatever it says." She glanced at the sign, finding her reflection staring back on the shimmering surface. She ran her finger slowly across the engraving.
"Thanks." I said, "It makes it so worth it. I guess it'll just have to last for as long as it lasts. Now..."
I rummaged through the basket, "I believe someone wanted baloney!"
I pulled a wrapped quarter of a sandwich out of the basket, then gently tossed it over to her. It struck against her chest, and she caught it before it could fall.

"So... What exactly happened?" Fake Assassin asked, "Was there a war? An evil sorcerer? Or... whatever you guys are supposed to have here?"
In the past few days since I left, he had managed to get his hands on a baggy blue hoodie and some khaki cargo pants.
"Nah," I waved my hand, "I mean, probably. A couple of times, at least. But this is really just the inevitable result of the laws of physics being what they are. It wasn't anyone's choice. Just a necessary outcome imposed by the boundary conditions of the universe. As it turns out, this is the default state. How it was always meant to end up. The existence of discrete objects like you and I are but temporary anomalies permitted by the particular conditions of the universe in its earliest state." I pulled out another sandwich and handed it to the Fake Assassin, "Are you a taco spice guy? You look like a taco spice guy."

He didn't answer. His eyes were glued to the endless abyss beyond the dome. I waved the slice of sandwich in front of him. He took it without looking, nibbling at one of the corners absent-mindedly.
He snapped out of his daze, looking down at the sandwich with rejuvenation in his eyes, "This... This isn't half bad."
"No kidding!" Beatrice stuffed the sandwich into her face, "Mmm, this is exquisite! Astounding, really! Best baloney I ever had! It's hard to imagine that you of all people put this together."

"That's because I didn't! Couldn't prepare a party to save my life!" I laughed as I picked up a mozzarella and cherry-tomato sandwich from the basket, "No, I slipped back in time a minute or two, and had Max fix something up for me. Swell guy, that one. At least once you get past all that pomp. Best butler in the world, really."
Beatrice scoffed, "I knew it. The Tournament stiffed me out of a butler worth his tuxedo."

Outside our little bubble, the grey devil was having the time of her life. She soared around freely like an eagle. Or maybe a fish.
Zooming back and forth, looping across the open space. Then, she slowed to a stop and waved her arm in a wide arc. A cluster of firework explosions followed. The sky filled with sprinkles of colorful light. Red. Blue. Green.
No bang though. The lack of a bang stood out in this kind of vibrant display, but honestly it'd be stranger if they made a sound in space.
Once the last mote of light faded, Femto vanished abruptly.

"I must hand it to you, Ma'am! Your void certainly is bigger than mine. But honestly, who wouldn't prefer it more cosy? More... Intimate."
I turned around. There the Devil was, floating in place behind me.
"Oh, it's not about the size! It's about the dreadful existential implications." I took another bite, "Anyone can create a void. It's a different matter entirely to outlast the lifespan of the universe!"
"Ooh!" She teleported herself right next to me, "Ma'am, I like the way you think! Have you ever considered becoming a devil?"
"Hmmm, can't say I have. I think I'd stick with what I'm doing though. I mean, doing devilry for a living sounds like a blast, sure, but then I'd give up doing it cause I enjoy the devilry."
I handed her a chicken sandwich. She snatched it up from the air and soared high above around the dome, munching it happily like a squirrel.
"Chipotle aioli? Mmm... Good call. I've decided to let you live."

"You hear that, Wonder Witch?" I looked at her while taking another bite, "She's starting to like me! Mayhaps one day she'll ditch you to hook up with me."
"Don't give her any ideas, Allison." Beatrice said in a serious voice, pointing her sandwich at me, "I remind you that she is still a Devil. Don't be mistaken here. She will be going after your soul once the opportunity presents itself. I'd advise you to be wary."
"Ah... So is that what she's doing to you?"
"For us it's different. The both of us have been through a lot together. You wouldn't understand."
"Well, yeah..." I started, "But..."

"Ughckk..." The Devil spat out from above, "Did you sneak a pickled fefferoni in here?"
"Uhh... I guess so," I shrugged, "Well... Max did. Is that a problem?"
"It is!" She boomed, "it is if there's just one of them! If it's not an integral part of the snack, then it's got no business being here! I was enjoying this, until I sank my teeth into that sweet-bitter landmine! I'll have you know I've annihilated people for less!"
"Oh, is that so?" I smirked up at her, "Tell me, what was it that happened last time you tried that on me? Oh, I feel so annihilated right now!"
She stared me down with folded arms, not amused in the slightest.
"Heh. Don't get your panties in a knot. I think I've got a jar stuffed in here somewhere..." I rummaged through the basket again and pulled out a jar of fefferoni, "Ah, here we go!"
I held it aloft in my palm. She dove down and swept it away.
She held it before her to behold as if an ancient artefact, "Your tribute is accepted."

It didn't take long to run out of sandwiches, so I started to finally read through the book for my assignment. By the way, I still hadn't finished it! I'm telling you, the fact that American colleges still won't accommodate the plights of dimension-travelling hotheads is a travesty!
Good thing my professor was considerate enough to grant me an extension. I mean, not like he had any choice. Not after he saw the footage of the role I played in the molemen riots on Madison Avenue. But that's a story for another time.

While I was busy, Beatrice had a heated exchange with her pet Devil.
"You're a smart gal, Beatrice." Femto said in a suitably condescending tone, "I'm sure you must understand that anything which counts as a command by the spell is restricted by the spell for that reason."
"And I'm telling you that you've got no idea what you're talking about." Beatrice huffed, folding her arms over her chest, "You agree with me, don't you Allison?"
"Mhhmm..."
"Allison!" Beatrice snapped her fingers before me.
"Oh? Did you say something?"
Beatrice scoffed, "What's that you're reading anyway? Another science book?"
"Nah." I shrugged, shutting the cover while my thumb held onto the current page, "Just some novel about an alternate 19th century where gay marriage was legal in the US."
"Well, nevermind that. In case you hadn't noticed, we're trying to settle whether... Whether..." She drifted off as my words sank in, "... What did you say?"
"Oh, well... In my world, there's this place called the United States of America... Which just like it says is a..."
"No. Time out! Hold on there. You said that gay marriage was legal... In an alternate history? So what I'm hearing is that gay marriage wasn't legal in your history? Is that really what I'm getting from this?"

Ah. Cultural dissonance. We met again.
"That's right. Not for a while actually." I said.
"But... Why? Was it that important to permit only certain people from being happy? Why even bother with such legislation?"
That's a good question, actually. I suppose some people thought it was gross. But I thought meatloaf with mashed potatoes was gross, and that doesn't mean I want it banned.
"Well, no good reason, really." I admitted.
"Then why did people put up with it at all?"
"Because... No good reason either."
"...Do the people of your world ever do anything for a good reason?"
"Oh, well... We did abolish slavery."
She groaned, "Ugh... Of course you did. So not only won't I be guaranteed to marry whoever I wish, but I'm not even allowed to acquire a little playtoy either? That's it! Your world is officially a garbage dump! Population: Garbage."
"Yeah..." I sighed, pouring coffee into a paper cup, "Not gonna lie here, maybe my world wasn't made for you. In fact, it wasn't made for any one person. Just like with your world actually. But... It was made by everyone who came before. And is still being made by those living there. So many people. So many different perspectives on what is right and what life is worth living. But hey, there's still hope. Hope that one day we can finally move past our differences and move together into a brighter future..."
I handed Wonder Witch her cup, looking back at the golden plaque with the words "NO LITTERING" inscribed in them.
"...One step at a time."

She sipped her coffee, peering out into the void outside, "But you said this was your future, didn't you?"
"Oh, sure did!" I slipped a cup to the Fake Assassin too, "And yeah, that means the culmination of all our hopes and fears are behind us. In a way, though, that's kind of liberating. Nothing else to do but whatever you wanna do. The universe sure ain't gonna care. Might as well enjoy ourselves while we're here. That's kind of why I picked this spot, really. A great place just to relax and hang out."

I poured another cup of coffee for the Devil as well.
"You know what that sounds like to me?" She asked, "That sounds like a toast! How about it? Let's raise our cups!"
"All right!" I filled a cup for myself last, "Here we go!"
I raised my paper cup to my friends from across the abyss of eternity, "To hope! To freedom! To the future!"
"To the future!" They cried in unison, raising their own cups, before we all took a well-earned sip of coffee.
The future, huh?
That's right. I lost Bat Girl. I lost Katey and Uni. It still hurts, and it hurts because they're left in the past. But they're in the future as well. It's just that it's their future now.

Thinking that, and seeing everyone else so hopeful, a smile grew on my face.

"Now then..." I took a package out from the basket and ripped it open, "Who wants cookies?"