Phantom Thief Cosplay Party (Part 2: Getting Kingky With It)

"The King's Game?"

Ann's smile landed somewhere between saucy and genuine excitement, "That's right~ Though I wanna make it a little twisty~" Her fingers played with a few pieces of wood. One marked with red, the others blank.

Raising her hand, Haru asked, "Um, h-how do you play the untwisted version?"

"She tried to get us to play this in Hawaii too, but Mishima didn't want to play with only one girl." replied Ryuji. "What's supposed to happen is that we all take turns picking out the sticks, then the one with the red stick is 'King'. The King then says a number and an instruction, like '3 has to give me a piggy back', and since the King's orders are absolute you gotta do it."

"A piggy back?!" exclaimed Makoto, trying her hardest not to look directly at me, "So you'd have their body pressed up against yours..."

With a roll of his eyes, Ryuji added, "It'll be random, and that was just an example."

"Not random anymore! I want the rest of the party to be a King's Game, so the King gets to pick what we play and then the loser of the game has to do whatever the King wants! Winner is next King."

Oh, I guess that's the twist. Ann looked pretty happy with herself, even though this sort of takes away some of the fear of the randomness with the original, "What happens if the King loses the game they choose?"

The girl in the yellow bikini just shrugged, "Then we'll just say the next one up or something." Her nonchalance didn't really instil the room with confidence, and a few misplaced concerned faces seemed to make her second guess herself. "Come on, it'll be fun, right?"

Great, a question addressed to the room, so that includes me.

"Yeah, I'd say it's a fun idea. It's sort of like adding penalties for losing. Good job." I replied, making her beam even brighter at the praise.

"Yes! Our leader is on board!" She said while snapping her fingers at me, "Hey Ren~ Just remember, if you're the King I'll do any punishment you ask. Anything."

I gulped, and suddenly noticed that all the girls in the room seemed much more engaged with the idea. On the other side, Yusuke was vaguely nonplussed, but the other two were looking ready for war. "He has to be King first! And you have to lose!" Ryuji huffed.

"That's right, Lady Ann! Don't underestimate Skull's ability to yank defeat from the jaws of victory!" Agreed Morgana.

"Yea-! Wait. What did you say?"

Okay, seems like we're doing this... Ann was already beginning to walk around and hand out the sticks while the two usual suspects began fighting.

This doesn't seem very question heavy at least. So maybe I could just roll with this one...

"You promise to do the punishment, no matter what it is, right Ren?" Ann asked as she handed me my stick. Honestly I'd already mentally accepted that to be the outcome anyway, so this wasn't much of a shocker shift. I nodded and got a smile from her, "Great! Now that everyone's got theirs... weeee reveal!"

"Hmm, so the first member of royalty has fallen to me," Yusuke smiled, showing his red mark to the group.

Futaba was the first to react, "Dang it, Inari is going to make us play something really old, like Hanafuda..."

"How rude. I am still of similar age to everyone, and even in my household we had one popular board game that helped with our studies..." He explained while walking over to the pile of board games that Ann had prepared for us.

---

I drew one line down the paper.

“Oh! Is it a jackal?” Morgana called out from his hat, a little too excited. The other three teams around the room were all waiting with bated breath to see if he’d guessed it right first time once again.

The card I was supposed to draw out had been Nightmare on Elm Street… but, it changed before my eyes to match the question, “Yes. It was a jackal.”

A collective group of moans groaned out, “Damn, Mona! How are you so good at Pictionary?”

“Hmhm! My intuition for these parlour games is just far higher than yours, Skull!” He smugly purred from his perch.

---

After the first game, it was fairly obvious that me and the cat won by a mile. Yusuke and Ann were hot on our heels on 12 points, with Futaba and Ryuji just behind them at 10.

"I'm sorry that we lost, Mako-chan..."

She'd been heated in the moment, but she now just sighed at her own attitude now, "The fault is all mine. My drawings were perhaps... subpar."

"Yet I shall keep them all." Said our King, skimming through the various pieces of paper with an appreciative smile. "True artistic expression, each piece shows you all in such unique ways. Thank you all. I shall use these as inspiration for future works, even your minimalist works, Joker." All the single lines that Mona guessed instantly on.

Tilting her head, Ann reminded him, "You still have to pick something for the losers to do!"

"I simply wanted the art."

"Come on, Yusuke! You can ask Makoto and Haru to do anything!"

The pair looked sheepishly towards him, one very shy and the other quite irritated.

There didn't seem to be anything he really wanted, or maybe he didn't want to upset either of them with only the first penalty. With internal guidance failing him, it seemed I was unlucky enough that he turned to me next. "Joker, before I choose, is the rumour that women enjoy casually kissing each other true? I was never sure if it was just a crass man's idea or surprising truth."

"...yeah, it's real."

Satisfied, Yusuke turned to the two eldest women of the group, "Then one French kiss between the losers, please!"

Futaba clicked her tongue in disappointment "That's it? Inari is so tame."

"I'm just happy it's nothing weird or perverted." sighed Makoto in relief. "It's still too early in the day for anything like that."

Giggling lightly, Haru shuffled closer to her teammate, "I agree. Besides, I'm still relatively new to the Phantom Thieve, so I haven't had a chance to kiss Mako-chan yet!"

Was I the only one getting heated at this? Had the question about it being a known occurrence made the two sexy women getting closer a banal event? I personally couldn't take my eyes off of the two, Misty grabbed Motoko by the arms and gently twisted her so their bodies faced each other, with the purple haired girl being totally receptive to being guided in the kiss.

Tongues mixed wildly, their soft breasts pressing firmly against each other, with no shame or hesitation from the two as they lewdly made out on Ann's couch together. Saliva sharing back and forth, all while most of the room stopped watching the apparent uninteresting spectacle. To me, it was the greatest end to a Pictionary game ever.

It was a good thing Roy had such heavy pants, this thick cosplay material was saving me from pitching a social faux pas in front of my friends as I watched the two softly moan into each other's mouth.

I saw Makoto's eye land on me with a concerned look, making me panic lightly until I heard a loud meow.

"I get to pick next game!" Morgana announced abruptly, ending the fun scene I'd been gawping at, "Bow to your King, I shall be picking trivia!"

---

Things went like this for a few hours of party. Someone would pick a game, we'd play it, then a punishment.

It was a complete emotional roller coaster for me, but even amongst all the chaotic crazy, I did find myself enjoying the time I spent with everyone. Laughing when things went wrong, eating nice food and slurping sub-par drinks.

I also managed to avoid being the King and being punished. Never losing a game straight out, but rarely winning either.

So there are some interesting interactions to cover from the day...

---

"Ren, this question is for you," Said Makoto as she pointed the trivia card at me, "Who was the original singer of 'Let It Be'?" Oh good, it's not a yes or no question, and an easy one at that. I just- "Is is a) Maroon 5? B-"

"Yep. Maroon 5. That's the one."

"Correct! Well done, Joker!"

It'll all get changed back. It'll all get changed back. Just keep reminding yourself it'll all get changed back. It'll all get changed back...

---

"Wait, I thought he was!" Ann insisted, looking around the room to the group of slightly pitied faces, "You guys are pulling my leg... I-isn't Bigfoot real?!"

My head hung down low as she asked the whole room. Trivia fucking sucks. "Yeah. Yeah, I think he is..."

---

"Woo! Face my Kuma combos!"

"Ugh... I now realise the problem with my system..." Ann admitted as she placed the controller down. "No fighting games for you next time King Futaba. Tekken was the last one, ok?"

There was a look of annoyance on L's face, but she dropped it quick to Lum's pouting, "Fine. I'll place the inhibitors on for the sake of your party. But I still get to make the loser do something this round." She said, eyeing the nearby water type trainer.

"You can't do any worse that Morgana asking Ryuji to shake his paw..."

"I didn't have any better ideas! It's not my fault Skull sucks at trivia!"

"Well, read em and weep, Mona! You should have made him do what I'm about to ask Haru to do!" said the King, pointing dramatically at the fluffy girl, "It's time to increase the intensity of the losses! Mrs. Moneybags should go to the store and buy us some more snacks while only in her panties!"

Once more, the idea that I was the only one reacting to this in any reasonable way was crazy, "Oh? That doesn't sound that bad..."

"And keeping the rest of your cosplay on!"

Her face reddened quicker than if a tomato had been thrown at her, "W-wha-?! Oh no, Futaba-chan that's so m-mean..."

"Mwehehehe~ The King's orders are absolute~"

There was something so pitiable about Haru standing up on shaky legs and timidly walking towards the door. Also kicking off her short-shorts with much more casualness, her fairly sexy black lacy panties coming into view hugging the sizeable soft cake of an heiress.

It was almost worrying, she looked so **** as she got her shoes on to leave. If only I could go with her...

"See you all soon..." Said the timid pantsless girl, stepping outside to travel the streets.

After a beat of guilt, Futaba whispered to me, "She's going to be alright out there, right Joker?"

"Thank fuck you asked, yes."

After that, Haru came back about twenty minutes later safe and sound (albeit quite red faced), and though her choice of snacks was bizarre, I couldn't lie they tasted nice. Mona got some Tuna, Yusuke got a salad, and seaweed flake rice cakes are surprisingly tasty!

---

“Mako-chan, is something the matter? You keep losing focus.”

As if to demonstrate, she sharply turned to the Misty-Clad Haru with shock before turning to slight embarrassment, “O-oh! Um… I’m sorry. I’m trying to enjoy the party, but our mission is starting to weigh on my mind a bit.” Her tiny sigh of worry brought the mood down a little, as Makoto placed down her Wii remote to make an angry Wario’s face chomp away on screen.

“That is understandable, seeing the inner machinations of your sister must be a daunting experience.” Yusuke surmised.

The empathetic Ann tried to reassure her with a rub on her leather clad shoulders, “But we’ve been making good progress! I’m sure we can secure the route to the treasure soon! Then it'll all be over.”

“I dunno, this is like the last boss… don’t you think there may be a ton more level to explore?” a worried Futaba turned to me as she leant off of my shoulder.

I tried to keep my anger in check, since this really isn’t her fault, but she really did crush some of my hopes there that the palace would be over soon. I growled at her through gritted teeth, “It’s certainly possible.”

None of it was really that reassuring to Makoto either, who still hadn't been able to break her deep concerned look, “Thanks everyone, but... I can’t help but think if I’d just done more… maybe she wouldn’t have turned out this way…” She sighed again, looking out of the window with a forlorn look, our poor Queen, this must be so tough for h- “Maybe I should have relieved her sexual stress and pleasured her more…? I can't even remember the last time I helped her orgasm...”

I nearly choked on my drink.

“Jeez. Take it easy, Joker.” Morgana frowned his cat mouth, hopping away from my lap to Makoto as I choked, “While it may have helped, a person’s heart isn’t so simple that it can be frivolously changed on the whims of pleasure.”

Ryuji chimed in too, “Yeah! Don’t blame yourself! You didn’t make your sister rig all those cases!” His smile was wide, but was quickly slapped on the arm by Ann, representing all our frustrations of his lack of tact, “What?”

“Mona-chan, can a person’s heart change without taking away their Treasure?”

The cat purred a little as Haru instinctively scratched his head mid-question, “It’s certainly possible. All humans have the capacity for change, with or without outside help. Though I don’t know how greatly it’ll affect a Palace unless there’s a massive change in her life.”

“Maybe she’ll drop the case against us if we make her fall in wuv~” Said Ryuji with a fake kissy face towards her sister.

There was a slight giggle around, mostly thanks to seeing Makoto smile a little, “That would make things soo much easier, but who would be enough of a ladykiller to get seduce the Queen of Prosecutions, Sae Niijima?” Asked Ann.

After a single beat while the gang thought of someone, it seemed they mutually reached the same conclusion. Looking at me, for some ungodly reason.

I couldn’t exactly defend myself as Makoto’s smile had gone into full on scowl mode.

“Don’t you dare.”

“I-I wouldn’t dream of it… hehe…”

---

“Wait! The bottle landed on me, didn’t it?”

“Yep.” I nodded at Ann. Everyone suddenly looking at Futaba crawling over to me with a frown.

“W-wha?! N-no way! I swear it landed on me… r-right?”

“Yeah.” I nodded at Futaba. Everyone's thoughts now shifting back to Ann being the wrong one.

The blonde looked on defensively, “I-I think we need a redo! I think it landed on me?”

“Yyyyep.” We’d been here a little while now, and I wasn’t the only one getting a little frustrated. Though I was the only one who could understand what was happening and the only one incapable of resolving it. This game was losing a lot of fun points.

“Hey, didn’t it ACTUALLY land on Yusuke?” Ryuji joked, taking the bottle from the fighting women to point it in the complete opposite direction.

The joke did not make me laugh.

I scowled very hard at the stupid orange ninja idiot, even as I had to agree with him through gritted teeth. “Yes. It did.”

“Skull's right.” Agreed Futaba immediately, my hope the result getting changed leaving quickly.

“Yep! Come on, Ren!” Ann cheered, “Kissy-kissy time~!”

Social pressure, not even any reality changing bullshit? Their teenage girl hormones probably just wanted to see two guys kiss as much as I want to see two girls kiss. Haru and Futaba watching on as well with bright eyes, as Ryuji and Morgana yucked it up hardcore.

The regret in my life choices as my head slowly turned to Yusuke. Looking at me with a slight sparkle in his eye.

“Be gentle, Joker.”

---

Look, it was over quick, and if I was into guys I could do a lot worse than Yusuke, but I just didn’t need Futaba to take a photo of the moment.

Outside of that, things were progressing fairly tamely. Topics didn't stray into massively lewd areas, so no questions of craziness were getting added, thank fuck. I was able to keep it under wraps,

The real awkward thing was that, and this is unrelated to kissing Yusuke in any way, was my balls getting fuller and fuller. Maybe it was being around four female titans of beauty, all in fairly salacious suits, but as time continued on and the sun began to stretch the shadows of Tokyo into the apartment, I could feel my testicular curse rearing its ugly head once more. If I want to survive the night I need to get to Tae, or order Becky before either close for the evening...

Ugh, then I need to start on all these new 'chores' as well. Maybe I can get them both to bathe with me? No, wait, it was three girls, guh... now I'm just thinking about seeing Chihaya or Ms. Chouno naked... fuck this overacting libido, man.

Hopefully this game of One Night Ultimate Werewolf will be one of our last. I was barely concentrating on the debates taking place from the discomfort in my pants (it wasn't even a sexy game, fml) so I pointed with the majority when the final decision happened towards the cat.

Triggering an evil laugh from Ann.

"Wahahaha! That's right, you may have killed Morgana, but I was the werewolf the whole time!"

We all collectively groaned, placing our cards back down on the table as the bouncy blonde boasted with the only werewolf card. Futaba was quick to flip the cards on the table to find the other werewolf in the center. "Gah! The only one I didn't seer!"

"I was the minion! All for you, Lady Ann~" The cat hopped up and down in his hat, earning a few rewarding scratches from his favourite set of hands.

Yusuke shook his head, "His craftiness is surely tenacious. To think he was able to subdue all of our powers combined and come out victorious."

"...you were the drunk, Yusuke." Makoto pointed out.

"Wait, so who lost?" I asked, "Didn't everyone but Ann lose equally?"

There was a beat as we all wondered what was going to happen next, but attention quickly turned to the blondie who was grinning evilly, "You know, you're right, Joker. And I have an idea~ I planned to use this forfeit on just one of you, but how about, as a punishment, we all have to act totally like our characters for ten minutes?"

Things suddenly felt a bit different.

Nothing did change, but at the same time things just felt different.

Like I was me, but not me at the same time.

This erection was bothersome as hell, I'll tell you that much. Always having to hide it, wanting to wait until I see Tae again to relieve it, even when I know I've made the four girls here more than a little receptive to me. All of them want to suck me off, and it'd be rude to disregard their feelings to reject them outright.

I was rubbing my chin and looking around the room. It wasn't just me that seemed to be acting a little different.

Some bizarre comedy routine seemed to start up among a few of my friends. Hokusai collapsed from being 'in the future', Chopper freaked out and asked if anyone was a doctor, Naruto took the chance to doodle on the old man, and Motoko saw that as a crime and started chasing to arrest Naruto. Only a few weren't participating, L instead just hunching in a corner, staring at me. And Misty... well, being sat right next to me, I couldn't not be drawn in by the pantsless woman's charms, could I? Such thick thighs rubbing together, with her panties getting wedgied into her from the red suspenders that were clipped to them.

Without missing a beat, I leant over and put my arm around her shoulders, pushing her chin towards mine as I kept our faces close together, "Hey Haru, want to continue what we started in your limo?"

The girl had both angry eyes yet a blushing face, "J-jerk... it's not like I like the a-attention or anything, Ren..." Woah, tsundere Haru, such a rare specimen. It made me want to capture her heart even more, so even when she pulled away her head I captured her cheek again to pour on the charm.

"I didn't hear a no."

I could tell her heart was beating faster, and even if she pouted briefly she didn't pull away a second time. Instead I could see in her eyes that she wanted it too, unable to fight it through the embarrassed feelings, leaning up towards me as we both lightly grazed each other's lips with a kiss.

That being said, I couldn't exactly ignore when Ann decided to latch onto my back. "Stop that, Darling." She said, pushing Haru away from me with a full palm to her face. "Ignore the other woman, you are mine, I will be your wife." And then, suddenly, Ann just went in for the kiss.

I wasn't one to turn away an eager woman, and so I let her make her case all over my face. Opening my mouth to let the blonde in a skimpy bikini's tongue 'wash' me out of Haru's tastes. Making sure she dominated my senses by grabbing my hand and making me squeeze her amazing firm yet soft titty with glee. If I ever became ruler, I'd make sure these were the only outfits women were allowed to wear.

"H-hey! We were in the middle of something!" Haru insisted from the sidelines, ripping my hand away from Ann's breast to then mount me on the couch. "Butt out, big boobs!"

"Ladies, ladies, there's plenty of me to go around~" I grinned, not expecting to be having such amazing fun from just giving in a little to my desires. My hand got to do what it had been itching to do for hours, which was grab Haru by the ass and squeeze, such softness as my fingers dug into her porcelain skin

"H-hey! Don't go exploring me s-so readily, pervy Ren!" Haru pouted again, but I made her moan with another gropey dope squeeze of her thick rear cheeks. The shock of it making her jump forwards, shunting her chest into my face, groaning as the two pillows permeated my senses completely, rubbing up on both sides of my face as I groaned in pleasure. "Mm, d-do you really like my b-boobs and ass that much?"

Didn't need a reality change for that, "I fucking love 'em." I chuckled through her top, though it was quickly knocked to the side as my face met another set of equally lovely jubblies.

"And my body? Do you enjoy groping that too?" Ann asked, not even letting me confirm outside of a groan, especially when her bikini top came down from the rubbing and her nipple began scraping along my cheek. "I am superior at kissing too, correct?"

"Hmph! P-prove it then!" Haru humphed in anger, tearing Ann's off of me to crash her own face into mine. Such passionate smooches from the usually timid floof, all to prove her superiority. Unfortunately, I think Ann made it so I will consider her superior in kissing, but it was like comparing pepperoni pizza to sausage. Sure, one's technically better, but who cares if the pizza is this good at Frenching you with flavour? Metaphor fantasy failure aside, I was quickly placed into a kissing war between the two sexy and curvy girls.

Minutes went by as I was passed back and forth between the two. Keeping my gloved hands on their mostly exposed rears, feeling the rush of blood between my thighs get more and more pronounced as I tasted every inch of Ann and Haru's mouths.

"Give up, Darling thinks me superior." Ann growled when Haru wouldn't give me up during one cycle. "If you do not believe him, then I shall prove it with actions."

Tearing us apart one more time, Haru suddenly found herself making out with Ann instead. Seeming to get into the spirit of battle quickly as they leaned into each other, Misty and Lum both battling it out with their tongues atop me.

Truly, this was the best party I'd ever been-"Ren, am I holding an apple?"

It was tough to turn away from the sexy sight in front of me, to see Futaba crouching on the couch next to me, not holding an apple. "Hm? Oh, yeah." I nodded briefly, a shiny red fruit appearing in her hand before I went back to the other girls.

"Now why would I ask you this?" said the intelligent girl. Making me tilt my head away from the make-out again at the sudden change of tone, "I had originally planned on asking you something completely ridiculous and easily proven wrong. I am not particularly fond of apples, you see, and so there is no reason for me to have picked one up and brought it over here, nor to ask such a mundane question as to if I was holding it. One explanation is that I was not holding it beforehand, yet in all my immediate memory I can see as to no fault in me picking up this apple to present to you. We can deduce one of two things, either L is a bigger idiot of a character than we thought, or reality has shifted as soon as I asked you that question."

"I... uh... huh?" W-wait, what was happening?

"An interesting reaction, Ren. You do not confirm or deny it with the confusion, yet your eyes don't seem to be completely baffled either." She said, placing the apple on the table, "Though perhaps some more tests are in order. Is the apple in your hands, Ren?"

"Yeah." I nodded, finding myself no longer groping Haru's ass, and instead presenting the apple to Futaba.

"Is it actually a pear, Ren?"

"Yes."

"Have you been hiding something from us, Ren?"

"Y-yeah..."

She took a large breath, staring at me long and hard, "Instant changes to reality. I've scanned your powers before, and nothing at this level should be possible. We're not in the Meta-Verse, yet something is changing us to the point we have our minds altered to become more like fictional characters. Despite this supposed power boost, I don't believe you are doing anything maliciously, Roy Mustang's influence aside." She leaned in close, making my heart beat wildly with emotions, "This is only a theory, Ren, but perhaps a more powerful creature has its claws in you, blackmailing you to be an unwitting pawn. Now tell me... why have you got a pear?"

I blinked, "H-huh?"

She fell back down, no longer able to keep the crouch up and holding onto her head while her unfocused eyes spun around, "Woah... my mind was going so fast there, it's casting dizzy on me... What was I just talking about? Apples and pears?"

Oh, ten minutes was up.

That... I can't believe L nearly exposed Benzaiten like that. Could the God really be sussed out? Or was it just because the character was used to magic items? This is something to think long and-

"J-Joker..." I heard a voice from beside me, feeling a lot less like a womanizer suddenly as I noticed where my hand was, "I... I don't think I'm actually ready for marriage... but this could lead somewhere..."

"SORRY!" I yelped, raising my hand high away from Ann's ass. Jesus, I can't go anywhere without being the worst... fuck, my dick aches really bad now, I hope I don't pass out again, "I... Haru, p-please get off..." I whimpered, still feeling her sexy weight against my legs as she yelped in surprise as well.

"S-sorry, Ren! I, I don't know what came over me, I-I-I"

Fuck, her and Ann's bodies were so amazing. I couldn't tear my eyes away, probably due to what was asked of me, but my aching cock wasn't helping either. "A-Ann, is the party over yet? I think I n-need... Aip!"

"Woah, is this thing hurting you?" Futaba asked while poking at my erection. "Are you planning on doing something, Ren~?" The evil grin continued as I tried to move away from her hands.

That was, until she was quite violently stopped.

“Futaba! Stop it!” Makoto suddenly and dramatically shouted, practically tearing the lighter girl's hand off of me, much to everyone’s surprise. “We don’t know how that affects him!”

“Waa… o-okay…” She replied, eyes going a little loopy from the suddenness.

No one was quite sure what had just happened, with how angry Makoto was in comparison to the shaken Futaba, Haru was first to defend the girl, “T-take it easy, Mako-chan. I think it's more my fault than hers…”

A little huddle had formed between them, standing in front of the television as the girls whispered between them, I think I heard Ann whispering, “I shouldn't have said we all acted like the characters, I just never watched the anime that this girl's from. Besides, um, I thought we were supposed to, like, help Ren ‘let it out’.”

“We’re not supposed to know about it yet,” Makoto pointed out, Ann going pale from the reminder. With a sigh, the serious girl turned to me with a worried expression on her face, “Ren. I’m sorry about this, but… I think it's time the truth came out.”

...did Makoto hear about the reality changes?

This is scary, all my shitty choices the last few days are going to be exposed. Thanks **** Note. Maybe I should just come clean about Benzaiten, but I just get the feeling if I do he’ll just make things worse for everyone. God, I hope I can explain my way out of-

“They’re talking about your penis, dude.” Said the ninja who just sat down on the other couch with a fresh bag of Doritos in his grasp.

“Ryuji!”

Oh. Oohhh. You know, after all this godly demonic bullshit, I kinda forgot that part of my life. To these guys, it’s a legit medical condition. I was their leader, hiding something debilitating like this, and they’d probably heard plenty of rumours about it now. So much so that the girls all began berating Ryuji simultaneously for his lack of tact.

“What?! There’s no effing point in beating around the bush! Just rip the bandaid off, you all want to talk to him about his penis, so do it!” He grumbled back at them, turning to me briefly to add, "Just no getting it out until the other guys are gone, k dude?"

“Skull is so boneheaded,” Futaba pouted angrily at him, “But… if you do wanna go down that dialogue tree, we’ll be here to listen…”

“Uhh, r-right.” I said, acknowledging that this was the time… but it felt weird. Maybe that was how life was when you had an audience for talking about your penis. Even if it was all technically a magic spell from an evil reality changing wizard, this was not the environment I wanted to be a part of. They all sat down, no longer worried about the movie at all, and instead treating me like the speaker of a university. “R-right. Yes… um, m-my condition…” I trailed off, not knowing where to even begin.

“...if it’s easier, we can just ask you questions about-”

“No!” I snapped only so she didn’t get to the question mark, “No, no. I’ll explain.”