Opening round

Xander blinked as he suddenly found himself holding a blank blue note card. Each team was now standing on opposite sides of a color coded blue and red stage and there were two podiums with color coded buzzers on top directly in front of Xander. Xander noticed how team Slayer was suddenly all in red t shirts, shirts and sneakers while team Ex was now all in blue t shirts, shorts and sneakers. The last thing to materialize was a large black screen centered behind Xander.

Xander looked around and snorted, "I think we all recognize this game. Teams, please send a member on down." He swept his arm toward the podiums.

Buffy shot off of her teams side and rushed to the podium. The opposite side took a moment but eventually Cordelia calmly walked to the podium. Both women put their hands over the provided buzzers.

"Everybody ready?" Xander asked.

"Ready." Buffy said deadly serious and determined.

"Ready." Cordelia answered, resigned to having to participate.

"Okay, lets see what's what." Xander held up the blank blue note card and wasn't surprised to see glowing white writing fill in the blank space on the card.

When he actually read the note card Xander shouted, "What the fuck! Who the hell wrote this?"

Both women startled and looked at him with dull surprise.

Putting his head in his hands Xander sighed and finally raised his head. "Real fucking funny."

Clearing his throat and standing up straight Xander held up the card to read, "Please, remember I didnt write this. We are all here because some jerk with cosmic power wants to screw with us."

Both Buffy and Cordelia let out worried noises.

"Okay. Here we go." Xander groaned, "The top 5 sexual fantasies of Xander Harris are?"

Buffy's jaw dropped as she turned to stare at Xander. Cordelia snorted and chuffed as she stared at Xander. Neither one pressed their buzzers. Xander waved around the note card, "I didnt write it! You think I want people knowing this?"

Xander gestured to the podiums, "Buzzers!"

"You cant be serious." Cordelia pulled her hand back from the buzzer.

"I'm not in charge here Cordy. Do you think I would really choose this topic? Of all topics?" Xander waved around the card.

Buffy slammed her hand down on top of the buzzer making it buzz shrilly. "A threesome!"

Xander looked from Cordelia to Buffy and wasnt surprised to see her still looking determined. With a loud ding he and everyone else found themselves turning to look at the blank screen. The screen now had five blank white boxes on it. And in the top left a red tic mark appeared on the screen.

The third box filled in with the word: Threesome.

Buffy and Xander found themselves suddenly back to the red side of the stage while Cordelia trotted back to the blue side. Both blinked and looked around at the sudden teleporting.

"Okay, Red Team, what are some of Xander's other sexual fantasies?" He asked the next player in line which turned out to be Faith, somehow following the script he could feel in his head.

"Slayers." Faith said with certainty, pointing at herself.

There was the crash of a gong and a giant red X covered the list. Xander found himself shaking his head, "No, sorry, Slayer does not enter the top 5."

Xander suddenly found himself on the blue side of the stage and in front of Fred. Blinking at the sudden change in position he just followed the script he for some reason knew by heart, "Okay, Blue Team, its your chance to steal. What are Xander's other top 5 sexual fantasies."

Fred just stared at him as Anya, Willow and Cordelia all chimed in with guesses. Fred seemed to snap out of her stupor and looked at her teammates, "Who knows him more... or, uh, longer?"

Willow from right next to Fred waved her hand around, "Me. I do."

Fred gave Cordelia a glance and Cordelia nodded.

Willow leaned in and whispered into Fred's ear. Fred nodded her head and then looked back at Xander. "Amy Yip at a water park."

The board dinged, a blue tic mark showed up on the right side of the screen and the 1st slot filled in with: Amy Yip

Xander stepped to Willow, "Okay, Blue Team, can you keep this streak alive?"

Willow took a second and closing her eyes and crossing her fingers answered, "The haircut scene from Her Alibi with Paulina... Poriz.... uh... Porizov-"

"Porizkova!" Cordelia corrected.

"Porizkova." Willow answered.

There was a ding, a blue tic mark appeared and the 2nd white box on the screen filled in with: Her Alibi Haircut.

Xander stepped to the next lady in line and found himself with a very embarrassed Tara looking at him. "Can you keep the Blue Team streak alive?"

Tara slightly shook her head and whined. With a wavering voice she asked, "Cheerleader?"

The gong sounded and a blue X crossed the screen.

Xander found himself on the red team side and facing a slightly smirking Joyce Summers. Xander just rolled with it and smiled at her. He had missed her and it was nice to see her again, cosmic shenanigans not withstanding.

"Red Team, can you steal?"

Joyce looked at Xander and her smirk turned into a knowing smile, "An older woman."

The screen dinged, a red tic mark appeared on the left and the 4th white box filled in with: An Older Woman.

"Can Red Team keep the steal alive?" Xander asked as he stepped down to the next contestant, Dawn Summers.

Dawn immediately answered without consulting anyone on her team but taking time to wink at Xander, "A younger woman."

The screen was filled with a red X and the gong crashed.

Xander found himself in front of Anya over on the blue team. He didnt even bother to say anything he just gestured to the woman he almost married.

Anya bared her teeth and almost snarled, "Buffy."

The gong sounded and the blue X covered the screen followed by a little gremlin popping in from off screen and laughing maniacally, snatching the blue tic marks showing their correct answers and scampering away.

"Ooooh, sorry, Buffy isnt on the board." Xander found himself saying. "And given the appearance of the of our very own, legally distinct Whammy Gremlin, Blue Team has lost their points."

While blue team grumbled behind him Xander was back on the red team side in front of Kendra who was staring in horror at everything.

"The 5th, top 5 sexual fantasy of Xander Harris is?" He prompted after ten seconds.

Kendra still said nothing as the other members of team Slayer offered suggestions. She stayed speechless so long a buzzer sounded and the red X covered the screen. It was followed by the sound of a heavy door shutting and a lock closing. "Three wrong answers and Red Team is locked out of competition."

"What wrong answer? She didnt say shit!" Faith shouted.

"Time limits, what can you do." Xander shrugged as he was back over on the Blue side in front of Cordelia, "Queen C, care to steal?"

Cordelia looked across at Buffy and then down at Anya on her own team and answered, "Blondes."

The gong sounded and the blue X appeared across the screen. Which was followed by the sound of a door slamming shut and a lock closing.

"Three wrong answers and you are out, the Blue Team cannot win this category."

Xander found himself right between the two teams and looking left then right he followed the script in his head. "Neither team could win this category so it's time for a physical challenge! Each team will submit a candidate, who will be handicapped if supernaturally enhanced, to run a fair raced thru our obstacle course. The winner gets a surprise bonus, the loser gets a punishment."