Old Feelings

John's party of five warped back into the old world on the front lawn of the Brighton Manor where they had returned to after being ambushed, thankfully only startling a lone groundskeeper. When his startled shouts died down, John waved apologetically at the alarmed man. Once the immediate attention to their arrival had died down, John rolled his eyes and led his group toward the Manor proper.

"I told Moira to mark that spot off or something, but I don't think a few traffic cones is enough to keep people from freaking out..." John said, staring at the orange cones forming a small quadrant in the gardens. “Even people in the Abyss are still gonna panic if someone just warps in. Sure, they have Barriers, but just because it’s a possibility doesn’t mean it’s expected, or that it isn’t startling if it happens out of nowhere.”

"Perhaps you could ask Moira if she would allow you to build a shed of some sort around that particular spot?" Shishun suggested as their group milled about.

“Not a bad idea. At least a door opening is a bit less alarming than five people appearing out of nowhere,” John agreed. “Plus if anyone was watching for more nefarious reasons, they wouldn’t know the exact moment we appeared. I'll mention it when we meet up with her."

John led the way as they headed toward the front doors of the Brighton Manor. As they strode across the lengthy lawn, John pulled his phone from his inventory and dialed Kim Moon’s number, being sure to hold it slightly away from his ear.

“John Newman, I should string you up myself!”

“Nice to hear from you too, Kim. Is this going to be a regular greeting, or…?”

“If you’re telling me you plan on disappearing for a year at a time on a regular basis, I will chain you up in the sparring grounds,” Kim threatened, her growl clear over the phone. “Why is this the first I’m hearing from you? I had to wring answers out of Moira after I found out that you had finally returned, and then she tells me that you’d run halfway across the country! She was nearly hysterical when I first visited.”

“Ah… yeah, that’s…” John trailed off, remembering bits of the conversation he’d had with Moira when he’d first called her after meeting Adantia. “It’s a long story.”

“I can hear it while we’re preparing for the war,” Kim responded immediately, no hesitation in her voice.

“...You and your father have already decided to join us? I was going to ask if-”

“I have already lost a home, John Newman. It cost me far more than a mere place to lay my head. I will fight by your side as long as I believe there is even the slightest chance that this one may be saved.”

Something in her tone set the hairs on the back of John’s neck on end, but he was grateful all the same. “That’s good to hear. In that case, you’ll probably love what I have to say next. How would you feel about coming over to the Brighton Manor for a training session?”

“I hope you have not made any plans for the remainder of your day. I will be there as quickly as I can.”

“Alright, see-”

John stopped himself when he heard the quiet beep of a disconnected call. One sigh and a roll of his eyes later, his phone was back in his pocket and they were striding toward the doors of the Brighton Manor. A half-dozen armored guards stood by the doors, two of which quickly opened the Manor’s door as John’s party approached. John offered them a series of casual nods, not sure which of them to face, as they strode through the entryway.

“Seems like they’ve upped the guard since we got ambushed,” John noted as the doors closed behind them. “Can’t say I blame them, though I wish I felt safer anywhere in this damn city than inside these walls. Maybe after we deal with the Northern Ashes, we can work on a perimeter of safety for Springfield.”

“Nyaa, could Maera visit more often if we did that?” Maera asked, speeding up her walk so that she could tuck her head nearly atop John’s shoulder.

“Well, there’s still the issue of getting back and forth between the old world and our new one, but yeah… it would at least be a step in the right direction,” John agreed, smiling optimistically at the adorable Neko. He offered Maera a pat on the head as they stood around the entrance, phone still in hand.

"Tricia might be in the middle of some experiments, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind you hanging around until she's done. Did she tell you the way to the lab?"

"Yeah, I can... probably figure out my way there," Lerianna said, glancing around the towering hallways. John knew her well enough to read her uncertainty - she hadn't spent nearly as much time here as some of John's other creations, and he also knew if she got lost there was almost no chance of her asking directions.

"No worries, I still have to text Moira and let her know we're here; if we caught her at a bad time, we'll end up waiting around anyway. We can all walk there together." John didn't mention the distance between the reserved training room and Tricia's lab, knowing that would only make Lerianna more likely to reject his suggestion.

"Fine, if only so I can start Tricia's experiment sooner rather than later."

John smirked at the bunny girl's snark, but said nothing. While he led the way toward Tricia's lab, John sent a quick text to Moira, letting her know they were here with their whole party. The reply he got was almost immediate, with Moira informing him that she was heading to the training room and that he and his party could meet her there. John pocketed his phone and doubled their pace, sure that the fiery Warden wouldn't waste any time in making her way to the training room - and Gaia have mercy if they kept her waiting.

---

"Nyaa, bye, Myaster! Have fun with the mean lady!" Maera called out, waving as she strolled into the public training yards.

"You know, anyone else would be doing laps until they passed out for talking about a Warden that way," Glenna said, watching the Neko bound across the training yard. Despite her words, there was a ghost of a smirk on the woman's face, one that quickly hid itself when one of the soldiers turned to look at them. "The hell are you looking at, recruit? Your favorite sparring partner just showed up! Get in the arena and give her a warm welcome!"

"Y-yes ma'am!" The frightened recruit threw together a sloppy salute and dashed across the yard.

“Nice having someone else who can fight in such an unusual way around here… and so effectively. I missed her, Newman. I’ll put her to good use whipping these soldiers into shape.”

“You seem to know a lot about preparing men for battle… any thoughts on the one we’re getting ourselves into?” John mused.

“Yeah – that you should have asked me a question like that before barging off across the damn continent,” Glenna snorted. “Honestly, our soldiers have come a long way since a year ago. I think that being in a real, all-out war and seeing the aftermath of what you did to the Albidians made the reality of things sink in for a lot of these men. That was a hell of a cleanup job my men had to do there.”

“...Sorry,” John whispered, not sure what else to say.

“Well, can’t say I blame you. Still, not every day you see a soldier doing work that’d make an Inquisitor proud. Lord Brighton ever given you the ‘a sword should always be heavy in the hand’ talk before?”

“Once. Feels like forever ago.” Silence cloaked them, punctuated by the clashing of swords and shields. “It’s… been a long year.”

“Well, you’re here now, that’s what matters,” Glenna said. “Speaking of which, what brought you to the Manor today?”

“Ah, I’m meeting Moira in her reserved training room in a bit. We’re going to meet up with Kim Moon and train today,” John explained. “Speaking of which, I should probably get going. Kim made it sound as if she were going to be sprinting here the whole way.”

“Be careful, John. Don’t get in over your head with the training, no matter what she says!” Glenna shouted as John headed for the door. “I might push my men hard, but she’s liable to kill you!”

“I’ve trained with Kim before,” John laughed, offering a thankful wave. But Glenna shook her head with a hint of weariness.

“Not Kim. Moira. She’s been driving herself mad with training when she isn’t busy running the Order. It only got worse after you ran off! She’s a Warden with the Blessing of the Golden Rose, she’s tough as nails – so are you, I suppose, but don’t let her overwork any of you and get someone hurt.”

”What the hell…?” John mused, mumbling some half coherent reply as he turned away from Glenna. ”I know Moira has been upset, but I didn’t think she’d gone so off the deep end she made Kim look tame. I think I might be in for more than I bargained for on this training session.”

John absently chewed the inside of his cheek as he gestured for the characteristically silent pair behind him to follow him out of the training yard and across the mansion. He wasn’t sure what exactly they were in for, but it seemed suddenly more intimidating.

---

The smooth tile of the Brightons’ reserved training room glistened in John’s eyes as he entered, but he didn’t have long to appreciate it.

"Ah, there you are," Moira called out, before the doors had even shut behind John. "I was hoping you would arrive sooner. Did something delay you?"

"No, I just escorted Lerianna and Maera around before I came this way. Tricia had something she's been working on with Lerianna, and the training grounds weren’t far from Tricia’s lab,” John explained.

“I wish you would have told me that sooner. I might have attended to a few duties before coming this way… and I would not have let myself hope you might arrive quickly,” Moira said, an unmistakable note of disappointment in her voice.

“Why, were you hoping to get a round of training in before Kim even gets here?” John mused, only half-joking. Moira didn’t seem to notice the tone of his words or the slight quirk to his brow, snorting heartily at the comment.

“Tempting, but I had something else in mind. I was hoping we’d get a chance to talk… preferably alone?”

John followed Moira’s gaze as it trailed behind him to where Sophia and Shishun were stationed. Neither said anything, though John caught the barest of annoyance across Sophia’s features as her eyes met Moira’s.

“That could be arranged,” John acquiesced. He turned and gave a quick nod of acknowledgement to each of the women, then activated Summoner’s Warp. In the blink of an eye Sophia and Shishun were gone – warped away to John’s new world once more. The cooldown on the ability was short enough for each target that even if Kim had strolled in just then, they wouldn’t have to waste much time waiting around to bring them back, and Moira seemed to really want to talk to John alone.

“Thank you,” Moira breathed, voice laced with genuine relief. “I don’t ask such a thing lightly, John, it’s just… we haven’t had a proper moment alone in a very long time. I don’t think I can actually recall when, though perhaps I’ve just grown accustomed to you having a shadow or two at your heels at all times…”

John fought back a chuckle, realizing how hard it was to think of a time when at least one of his creations hadn’t been beside him while talking to Moira – even when they’d remained utterly silent. “You’re not wrong… but I’ve never known you to be very shy or reserved. What’s on your mind, Moira?”

The Warden blushed at the direct question, her confidence faltering for only a moment as her eyes fell to the polished tile below, then quickly bounced up to meet his gaze again. “Well, it’s… we have so few occasions to actually speak about things other than war or training, I was hoping that we could talk more about… us.”

“Oh! Of course,” John said, slightly surprised by her choice of topic. “You can always reach out to me about anything, Moira, especially that. My phone might not work but we can always talk through Tricia’s drones.”

“And have her recording every word? No thank you. Besides, conversations like this are… best done in person,” Moira said, looking into John’s eyes, a sudden vulnerability surrounding the normally infallible woman. “John, we had just barely begun to talk about whatever we are as it was. Then my father was suddenly dueling Adantia, and we had to discuss plans for the war, and… and the next time I see you it’s because you’ve been ambushed by one of the officers of the army on our doorstep. Again. I was… I suppose I was just hoping we could talk more clearly about what this is.”

“For a long time I thought you wanted nothing more than to put that hammer through my skull,” John admitted with a wry chuckle. “But as eager as you were for that kiss, I think your feelings might have changed. What exactly do you want this to be, Moira?”

“Th-that was, I mean, the Rose’s burden has weighed heavily on me lately, you are… well aware of what that entails,” Moira said, blushing. The memory of their shared moment in the conquered Cabal base, Moira’s womanhood pulsing under John’s ministrations while Seras and Sophia pleasured each other in the corner, flashed through John’s mind with a wave of lust. “And that’s… part of the problem. You are familiar with how the Blessing of the Golden Rose is passed on by now, yes?”

John nodded. Familiar was too weak of a word.

“Etriyya told me that she explained some of it to you. But she may have left out an important detail, which is that… if the Blessing is passed to a partner by the Warden, they gain the Blessing only so long as they remain faithful to the Warden herself. Infidelity results in the Blessing simply vanishing, disappearing until the child they have conceived comes of age. I may not yet have lived up to the legacy of my father and his strength, but… to lose the Blessing for over a decade would leave us **** beyond words. And given your lifestyle…”

Moira trailed off, but her eyes remained locked on John’s. He blushed slightly, unable to deny that it was a genuine concern. Honestly, even though he’d been a virgin until just a year ago, the idea of losing his harem already felt unthinkable.

“I’m not making any judgments,” Moira clarified, a bit flushed herself. “I’m aware of your… intimacy with your creations. I knew that when we kissed. But as the Warden I have to place the well-being of the Order above my own desires.”

“Not to sound insulting, but both of us are way out of our league when it comes to people like Adantia and your father,” John said quietly. “Does the Blessing make that much of a difference?”

Moira scoffed, her eyebrows furrowing as she glanced at John with indignation. “Adantia is an unknown factor. She is strong, perhaps even stronger than my father in his prime… but I cannot rely on a woman I have met once to protect those I am responsible for. My father is strong, but the remnants of the Blessing he holds grow weaker with each passing year. That is why I must push myself every day, must become as strong as he once was. It is my duty to watch over the Order, to protect them, and…”

Moira sighed, leaving her sentence unfinished as she met John’s gaze with determination. “The Blessing means much to the Order, John. That is all I meant to convey. In our current state, losing it for years is simply not an option. If nothing else, it gives us a bargaining chip for safety, though I know you loathe that idea.”

John bit back the objection that had already been nearly upon his lips, settling instead for a calmer acknowledgment. “Moira, I never meant to pressure you into anything. If you don’t want to be with me, then-”

“I- no, you-”

“Look, it’s not-”

“John, I’m trying to-”

“-I won’t be-”

“John, I want to be with you!”

The earnest and honest outcry broke through their verbal stalemate, Moira’s intense blush coloring her face nearly as dark as her hair. The two of them stared at each other a long moment, their embarrassed stammers fading away as mere echoes.

“I just… I don’t know if you want to be with me,” Moira murmured, letting her eyes fall away from John’s.

“Of course I do. You’re amazing, Moira, you’re strong, and dedicated, and honest, and- and so much other stuff it would take me an hour to list it all! I owe you so much, but more than that, I admire you for what you’ve done. I didn’t just tempt you into kissing me for some cheap thrill, you know.”

Moira smiled a little at John’s words, but still seemed hesitant as she spoke again. “It’s just, well, I know what you have waiting for you in your world, John. You’re a man who can literally make his fantasies reality. You have an entire harem at your beck and call, willing to do anything for you. I can’t blame them. You’re a handsome man, a powerful one too. A bold and loyal man who does not hesitate when challenged, with the courage and spirit to do the most incredibly stupid things I’ve ever even heard of, and somehow survive every time. And here I am… one lone woman who can’t even share herself with you, can’t indulge in true intimacy without placing her entire world at risk.”

Moira’s voice wavered, as did her gaze, if only for a moment. Gauntleted fingers tapped at her armor as she fidgeted uncomfortably, antsy feet tapping at the Manor’s floor. “I just don’t… I can’t ask you to be with me when I can’t offer you a fraction of what the others around you do, John. I want to, Lady blight me, I do, but I can’t.”

John’s feet closed the distance between them without thinking, and just as quickly his hands found their way to Moira’s jaw. She refused to look away, her pride and will standing tall even in the face of the most discomfort he’d ever seen the Warden display.

“You don’t have to offer me anything but yourself,” John murmured, letting his thumb brush along Moira’s cheek. “Why would I ask any more than that?”

“Because you already receive so much more from so many others. What can I offer you that they have not already given?”

“Moira Brighton.”

“...What?” Moira asked, when no follow-up came.

“Moira Brighton.”

“Yes, John, what do you-”

“That’s what you have to offer,” John finally said in explanation, smiling genuinely. “The thing that no one else can give me. The thing that I have treasured since the first day we met. Moira Brighton, the woman who taught me almost everything I know about the Abyss, and who looked after me when I was nothing more than an ignorant fool. I mean, you still call me an ignorant fool, but at least now I’m a little more than that.”

“John, I don’t want pity or condescension.”

“I could say the same thing!” John responded, doing his best to look offended. “You’re a Warden, a leader of the Order of the Golden Rose, yet you expect me to believe that you’re interested enough in me to ignore a so-called ‘harem’ of women? That you’d be fine sharing me, that somehow I’m so wonderful you’ve fallen for me in spite of that, in spite of your traditional upbringing – hell, in spite of your Blessing keeping us apart? I’m not worthy of a woman of your caliber looking past all that.”

Moira’s cheeks puffed out slightly, an indignant response half-formed before she thought better of it. With a lengthy huff, Moira released her frustrations and re-focused herself on John. “Do not try to flatter me, John. Certainly do not try to put yourself down. You might be stubborn, and foolish, and beyond hopeless at the best of times… but you are worthy both because of and in spite of all that.”

“So we’re in agreement then? We’re both too good for each other? Sounds like a match made in heaven,” John said, offering a cocky grin. Moira met it with an eyeroll, but to John’s surprise she stepped closer, cautiously snaking her arms around him and pulling him tightly to her armored chest.

“If that is how you wish to look at it… I could agree to those terms,” Moira said, her fiery gaze returning to its full intensity. “After all, you went on a suicide mission to protect our Order and allow me to keep the Blessing. So that’s what I will do. Perhaps one day you will grow bored of my limitations, of my restraints, and cast me aside. But until then-”

“Moira, I won’t-”

“But until then,” Moira continued, placing an armored finger across John’s lips to silence him, “I will remain true to you. I will hold onto this Blessing you have fought so hard to protect. And… perhaps one day, if it does not place us at risk any longer, or if you have grown so mighty that you could battle the world to protect us… I might just share this Blessing with you, even if you might throw it aside by the end of the day.”

Quips about how long he might be able to control himself died before they even dreamed of touching his lips. Moira’s bright eyes were so open, shivered with such vulnerability, that John’s usual wit had hidden itself away in the most insulated corners of his soul.

“I can’t imagine a greater honor. Maybe one day I’ll be worthy of it, but I’ll focus on trying to be worthy of you, Moira.”

Their heads tucked into each other’s shoulders in a tight embrace, one that might have crushed lesser men. John lost track of exactly how long that embrace lasted, but he was keenly aware of the moment it ended – the moment when the doors to the training room burst open, with a fiery-eyed, ebony-haired woman striding inside with a voice that rang out like a battle cry.