Ocarina of Sour Lime

“Marcie, explain.”

“A Lime is a Fanfic in which characters engage in limited sexual activity, without it being portrayed explicitly. Basically, the fanfic equivalent of soft-core porn. The term is less common than it once was, though by no means extinct. “

“Ok.”

“But I think the actual reason was that Lime rhymes with time.”

“Sounds about right.”

“I suppose we should just start.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“So, since we covered Majora’s mask last time, it does seem fitting to go with Ocarina of Time this...time.”

“Har Har.”

“Do you have any experience with the game, Gina?”

“No, and after this horrific experience I don’t think I want to.”

“Ocarina of time was a landmark game back in its time. It set the base of what an action adventure in a 3D environment is supposed to be. And while certain design elements of it feel archaic by today’s standard, it’s importance for the genre can not be overstated. Understandably so, many consider it the greatest video game of all time.”

“Cool.”

“So, this story starts right after the first act of the game where Link gets turned into an adult.”

He was no longer a male forest child, but rather a grown up female.

“So, this shit happens in your masterpiece game?”

“...kinda?”

“That’s fucked up! What is it with these Japanese perverts turning young boys into adults? I mean, he has still the mind of a young boy, right?”

“It is more innocent in the game.”

“Like, google actually heeded our advice and put a disclaimer in that all Links are over 18, but he is literally described as a child here!”

“I do think that wouldn’t fly. And speaking of things that don’t fly...Navi dies.”

“Ok, that means nothing to me.”

“Ohhh So you used to work for a clan, is that why you wear those pajamas?” Asked Link confused by the concept of clans.

“You know, google is like a black hole of comedy. I feel less funny just by reading this.”

“You where never funny, Marcie.”

“Ahhh, ok question..... which ways the forest?” Asked Link confused

“Ahhh, its been a while since you walked the lands of Hyrule, well I suppose I shall accompany you for now!” Said Sheik

“That does not make any sense. Link is from the Kokiri Forest, he should know which way it is. You might argue he spend seven years in the sacred realm but his mind was frozen for the duration of this.”

“It makes even less sense, since Sheik fucks off after a while and Link still finds the fucking forest. She runs into a midget and starts to sexually **** him.”

“Mido.”

“Eww.”

“Now, yes, Kokiri’s don’t age. So Mido is probably an adult by now, at least in spirit. But he still looks like a child. Meaning google manages to violated Rule 1 in two different ways. That is almost impressive.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this but I gotta defend google here, because this is not Mido but Milo, a totally original character!”

“Nice try, but there are no adults in Kokiri Forest. They turn into Skull kids. So either google got the name wrong or the lore, pick your poison.

“I really don’t care, Marcie.”

Then another wolf came out of a bush…

“These are called Wolfos.”

“Holy god….!!” Said Milo as it turned into ash…

Mido wouldn’t say this because a) there is no male god in Hyrule, and b)if anything Kokiri are worshiping the Deku Tree.”

“Are you keeping that up all the way trough, Marcie? Because I like to fucking finish this review this year.”

“It just greatly upsets me if the wrong terminology is used.”

“I don’t think anybody cares.”

Lily and Milo wandered the temple defeating the Orange, Green, and Blue ghosts that took the flames that powered the elevator downwards….

“Joelle, Amy, Beth!”

“Come on, you totally looked that up.”

“Even so, I am proving a point how easy it would be to use the proper names. It is really not that hard. Just google things! It is in your name!”

3.) Lily elbows Phantom in the stomach, kicks his crotch, makes him lick his boot and ties him up with the hook shot chain and makes him beg for mercy…. And Saria questions your actions and leaves to saving the world without a good time…

“Google has some weird, fucking kinks.”

“Sorry Sheik….. but it looks like we’ll have to talk later!!” Said Lily as Volvagia shot magma at them only for the two to dodge…

“See? Now we are using the proper names. There is no consistency here!”

Lily and Shiek had finished walking down **** Mountain after a few weeks....

"Ahhhh, My mouth's is a dry as a desert right now, if only someone could give me some water!" said Lily looking at Sheik who looked back at her with a feeling of confusion..

"What are you doing?"

"Ummm waiting for you to..... you know!"

"no.... im afraid i dont know Lily, unless you mean some water from the lake!" said Sheik as they finally made it to Lake Hylia

“So it took them a few weeks to walk down **** Mountains but then the cross over all of Hyrule field in the span it takes them to finish this conversation?”

“Marcie, none of this means anything to me.”

“At this point, the story just falls apart. We get this weird comedy routine between Ganondorf and one of his Stalfos and the temples are downright skipped over.”

“You know when Marcie finds you shitty attempts at comedy bad, you really fucked up.”

Lily then walked up to Ruto and punched her in her stupid face as she stole the Water Medallion for herself

“Fuck You, you limb fish stick!” Said Lily as she as she left the spirit realm….

“I actually always liked Ruto. Is that why Navy was killed? Is this one of these **** fanfics?”

“Let me do a little google...Oh! Ok! So Lily fucks the giant rock but she does not fuck the fish lady!”

“Ah yes, so far we skipped over the sex, because there is actually sex in this, which is rare for a google story.”

“Let’s just fucking post one. It’s faster then explaining.”

“Look….. can’t you just insert some of “spirit juices” into my cunt already!!” Said Lily rather eagerly….

“Okay…. If this is what you want…” said Darunia as he grabbed his cock and put into her cunt and began to move it up and down inside of it…

“Ohhhh… yeah keep at it you big…… Uhhhhhhhhh!!!”

“You doing alright?”

“I said keep…… Ahhhhhhhh….. Yes keep at it and cum in me.!!!!”

“Ahhhhhhh!!!!”

“Ohhhhhhhh!!!”

They both moaned in ecstatic cries as Darunia cummed in Lily’s cunt….

Darunia fell down tired as he dropped the Fire Medallion as it rolled over to Lily…

“We skipped over the shadow temple, which is probably for the best and move straight to the Gerudo desert.”

The Gruedo Dessert..

as they walked into an arena where many Gurdeos were tied up in chains

You have no clue what you're getting yourself into!!!” Said a guredo scared..

“The amount of different ways google managed to spell Gerudo wrong is honestly impressive.”

“Things were bad before, but now the story just melts. Like, I don’t even understand what’s happening anymore.”

“Alright Zelda……. Your prophecies promised me a new Triforce of Power by this year……. I put a deposit down with three stones I stole from some green boy who I then proceed to **** in cold blood!”

“WHERES MY GODDAMN GOLDEN NACHO OF POWER ZEL?”

“A lesser person would not get that reference, but I do, and it is bad.”

“Ok, Marcie.”

“In general, google tries to be funny in this story. I mean, she trie this before but this time it is particularly bad. My sense of humor is extremely refined, so I know what I am talking about.”

“So, the evil guy and Lily have a fight and….uggggh just roll quote.”

“With pleasure.”

2.) Ganondorf finds Lily enjoying it so much that she decides to take over this event as Zelda breaks out as Lily and her kiss on top of Ganondorf’s body…

“This is just random gibberish.”

“I think...Lily wins? But not before Ganondorf gets Zelda pregnant, so Zelda and Lily become a couple and raise Ganondorf’s kids.”

“Wonderful, except the story doesn’t fucking end here.”

“Yes, this would have been a...uh it would have been an ending, which is not something we usually get out of a google story. But instead google just starts a new arc.”

“Which she hasn’t updated in over a month.”

“Well, I think we are done? Any comments on this experience Gina?”

“Was this just a giant shitpost?”

“Eeeh…”

“I mean, that’s the fucking vibe I got from it.”

“I see what you mean. The beginning wasn’t that bad but the longer it goes on the more it felt like google lost interest.”

“So, where do we rank that one on the google leaderboard?”

“I guess about the same as Moaning mask? That one had all kinds of disgusting fetishes which is probably why google actually cared about it.”

“Ugh! I am sick of it! Can’t google just apply for Masochist Mode already so someone else can suffer trough this shit!”

“She could...but we did make that change recently that applicants need to review a story first.”

“Oh, fuck you Marcie, this is all your fault then.”

“Ehem! In conclusion, I think it is time for google to turn back time and write the story properly!”

“…”

“Yeah, alright even I admit that was bad.”