Number 2: I want to put on a girdle

Second is a girdle. It's an old-fashioned girdle, open on the bottom, which goes from rib-cage down to just below your crotch. You put it on and, gasping, close the 20 hooks, one at a time, until it is securely fastened. It seems to have been sized to reduce your waist by about two inches.

A girdle, you think to yourself. Like my grandmother used to wear? But there is something undeniably feminine about it. And is Spanx anything other than a girdle, really?

This one is open on the bottom, which means it's basically like a tight skirt. The end effect is that your waist is a lot smaller and your curves are a lot smoother.

Looking at your sexy, lingerie-clad figure in the mirror, you decide you like it.

And look, the girdle has garter tabs attached to the legs, four for each leg, which means...