Now For The Hands-On Inspection

You're in a daze as you make your way back to your tavern headquarters, eyes all but bulging out of your mask. Okay, so you've successfully become an official suitor to marry your own sister. So, let's check that one off the bucket list. You might have considered aiming for, say, earning a degree or seeing the Grand Canyon first, because neither of those are fucking insane, but there's something to be said for shooting the moon.

You must have taken a winding path, because the sun has already set by the time you press through the tavern doors. The innkeeper starts winking at you the moment you are inside. It's in fact possible that he never stopped winking. Your flash of rage at this stupid man and the ease at which you fooled him is actually sort of comforting; it brings you back down to earth a bit. Just take this one step at a time, sleep on it, and see what tomorrow-

You are so lost in your stream of cliches that you don't hear the loud snoring emanating from inside your room until you push through the door and the naked handmaiden that had been sprawled out on your bed jerks awake with a snort. You blink at one another for a long moment before she quickly brushes aside her long black hair and attempts to adopt a provocative pose. Wait, is that Issa?!

Your uninvited guest, who is absolutely your fuckbuddy slash the employee of your sister Issa, pouts at you as she slinks off of the bed and over towards where you still stand frozen in the door. "Did you get lost, Prince Candyland?"

Oh that's so ugh.

"I've been waiting for you ever so long..." She bites her plump lower lip as she flirtily slips her fingers just inside your sash. She steps in closer, her perfect little breasts molding to your chest as she breaths into your ear. "You've got the princess's attention...now's your chance to prove you deserve it."

You quickly try to decide what your suave mystery knight would say Issa pulls on your sash, deftly leading you back into the room. "Um....okay." Fucking seriously? She pays your utter lack of charm no mind as she daintly sits down on the bed, clever fingers untying your sash as she scoots between your legs.

She coos as she puts a hand on either of your legs, leaning in closer to place her head beside the growing bulge in your leggins. "Ooo, is all of this for me? Well that's one test it looks like you'll be passing...." She slips her hand down your pants, eyes lighting up as she wraps her fingers around your throbbing girth and fishes out your cock. She giggles, turning her chin to give you a hazel wink as her clever hands cause you to swell and strain in her expert grasp. She gives a hum of pleasure once she's finally brought you to your full glory, grinning up at you as she runs a soft finger down the impressive length of your shaft. Issa gives your throbbing cockhead a teasing little lick that sends a shudder up your spine then skillfully slurps you down in one go.

You throw back your head and groan as Issa bobs her head up and down your groin, apparently never needing to come up for air. God, you don't give a fuck if she's any good at dusting or not; this girl has got goddamn job security. You clumsily push off your boots with your feet as the handmaiden starts to caress your churning balls, her green-flecked eyes locked to yours as her lips curl around your dick in the naughtiest smile you've ever seen. Her cheeks go concave she presses herself all the way to your hilt with a lewd squelching sound, and you sudden wonder if she's taught Ginny how to do this. You **** back a grunt of pure lust as a vision of pink hair bouncing between your legs hits you, and Issa suddenly gags.

The handmaiden pulls off of you with a wet 'pop', looking a little startled as your furiously hard dick waggles between you. Fuck, you're so hard that you're like an inch bigger! Issa gives a cry of delight, taking hold of the base of your angry dick and flopping it around playfully. "Oooo, fuck! I told that bimbo Dehlia that Gaspar wasn't the biggest man after our little princess! She is going to be so damn jealous..."

Oh man you needed to hear that. A wave of ill-founded euphoria washes over you as you reach down and push Issa onto her back, the handmaiden giggling and cheering you on as you kick off your leggings. Her cheers turn to a gasp of desire as you prop her supple legs onto your shoulders, her round bottom and needy pussy tilting up as you extend out over her. Your fat cockhead comes to rest directly on top of Issa's plush folds, the girl still gasping as she clutches fistfuls of your tunic. You hold there for a moment, and when Issa's normally teasing hazel eyes turn pleading you slowly push yourself into her depths.

You somehow have the presence of mind to consider that this really isn't fair, even as Issa moans and begins to hump back against your powerful thrusts. She (apparently) doesn't know you, but you still know all of her favorite tricks through Candyland's instincts. You lean in to catch the girl's mouth in a passionate kiss, and when she bites your lip you growl because you know that it sends her heart fluttering. You put some extra hip into your movements because you know that the feeling of your heavy balls slapping against her butt makes her pussy shudder. You even know about, blah where is that little...ah okay, yeah. You draw back, and just when Issa whines desperately at her emptiness you plunge directly into her g-spot, causing the girl to shriek in ecstasy as she cums against you.

"Oh God, you're...unf! You're so gooood!" Issa tries to moan out her evaluations mid-fuck, but resorts to almost intelligibly screaming as another orgasm hits her and she begins clawing at your chest. "The best! Oh fuck you're the best fuck me fuck me!" You're not immune to the sense of nearly unhinged lust in the room, from the growing strain in your groin there is no way you can stave off a thunderous orgasm of your own for much longer. You quickly straighten to pull your tunic off, then press back down on top of Issa to draw her into another kiss as you anticipate your climax by pounding into her even more forcefully. You pull back as you feel the volcano beginning to pulse up your shaft, only to find that Issa is now staring at you in wide-eyed shock.

"Your, Y-your Highness?!"

Whelp. You accidentally pulled your mask off.

For better or worse, it's hard to berate yourself while you're blasting shot after shot of cum deep into a nubile young maid. No, you save that for a split second after when you collapse back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling in stunned silence at your own stupidity. You had always known this wasn't going to work, but your ego was holding out hope that said failure would be because of the overall inanity of the plan, rather than a personal act of ineptitude.

For a moment, there is only the sound of exhausted panting. Then, Issa appears above you, her eyes quivering as she warble in rapture. "Oh this is soooo romantic~!"

What.

She throws herself onto your chest, crooning and giggling in utter joy. "You and the princess are going to be soooo cuuute together! Oh this is perfect; this is just perfect! You have to let me be there when you take off your mask and propose or I'll just diiiiee!"

"I, what, you, I mean...you aren't...going to tell her?"

Issa grins, giving you a peck on the lips as she flounces up and starts to wiggle into her dress. "Why Sir Mystery Knight! I could never lie to my mistress and dear personal friend Princess Genevieve! I will deliver precisely what she sent me to discover! Namely, that Sir Candyland of Sexbomb is fifty pounds of fuck in a five bag." She quickly arranges her breasts under her bodice, then blows you a conspiratorial kiss as she struts out. "Name your first daughter together Issa I called dibs!"

You continue to lay sprawled on the bed for a moment, still catching your breath, then decide to retroactively label this whole experience as Phase Two of your master plan. Well, Phase Two when exactly as planned. Now what the fuck is Phase Three?