Nothing Organic Can Resist

In the X-Mansion, Jean Grey and Emma Frost's lips met, wrapped around the tip of Cyclops' shaft. Magik had barely been able to get the underage students to Limbo before all of the adults descended into an orgy. Her last glimpse was Psylocke and Storm scissoring, a psychic double-ended dildo joining their bodies.

In Subterranea, the Mole Man's subjects ignored his desperate orders as they pulled at his pants, a tide of pale yellow-skinned Moloids hungry for his staff. Deviant women spilled out of distant caverns, hungry for Moloid seed, monstrous snatches eager for the thin, yellow shafts of their distant cousins.

In Atlantis, Namor and Attuma double-teamed the pale young body of Namorita, the Atlantean princess screaming how she wanted more. Hercules, visiting Namora, found himself assailed by the lust-maddened woman. The waves of their coupling threatened to trigger a small tsunami.

Even in the Blue Area of the Moon, where Attilan had been swiftly relocated, the Gaian aura of the planet Earth reached. Uata the Watcher, cosmic entity sworn only to watch and never act, sat on his throne and saw the Inhuman princess Crystal gyrate naked on her member, which was fully as long as her. Elemental forces played about her orange and black hair as she lost herself, pressing her tongue into Uata's glans, desperate for an eruption that, if it came, could potentially annihilate her completely.

Powerless to resist the influence of a corrupting Elder God, Uata watched. All over the world, even in the most secret recesses, the lust of Gaia and Porkum stirred the populace. In the Seven Cities of Heaven, the Immortal Weapons turned their chi-arts into carnal frenzies. In the hidden valley of the Cat People, Tigra led the orgy that would see dozens of new kittens to be conceived. The Mandrill, trapped in prison with a power inhibition collar, found himself strapped down and made a plaything to the female guards, his former partner Nekra dancing on as face as his priapic prick erupted again and again, unwanted orgasms assaulting him as he lost all self-control.

All organic beings seemed influenced by the roiling aetheric corruption.

Yet not all beings on Earth were organic...

Klaw, a being of living sound, scowled at the television. The newscasters had left the cameras running, showing random scenes of wanton carnality. With an angry gesture, her turned it off.

"It's everywhere," a voice said out of seemingly nowhere.

The Living Laser, a being of pure light, flashed into the lair, having zipped across Manhattan in an instant, observing the unfolding disaster firsthand.

"Everyone with human biology seems to be affected. Even the heroes," the light-being said.

There was a gurgle and a whish of sand, and the two villains turned to see Flint Marko, the Sandman, and Morris Bench, the Hydro-Man, arrive. Both men seemed grim. They did not seem surprised to see the other two.

"Got the call, huh?" Morris said. "So who arranged for us to be here?"

They were unprepared when the television turned on by itself and began to talk to them.

"Welcome," Doctor Doom stared out from the screen. "If you are seeing this, the world faces catastrophe, and only those whose physiologies is non-organic are unaffected. This includes various androids and synthetic intelligences, but they cannot be trusted. You four, however, are both capable and susceptible to compensation."

"A recording?" Flint Marko said. "We must truly be in the shit if Doctor Doom wants us to save the planet."

"What's in it for us?" Klaw interjected. "Why should we give a damn about this world?"

"Your compensation," the Doom program said. "Will be the equivalent of one billion United States dollars in any form you choose. Cash, diamonds, vibranium, cryptocurrency, or anything else you wish. And one favor from me, to be redeemed when you wish."

The four villains paused. A favor from Doom was not to be sneezed at.

"Alright," the Living Laser said. "Assuming we're in: what are we supposed to do? We have no idea who caused this, or how to fix it."

A pentagram appeared in mid-air. A black envelope fell out of it.

"Read," Doctor Doom's image said.

Flint Marko stepped forward and picked up the envelope. While he could look human if he chose, he was really a conglomeration of sand particles, and as he picked it up, the human outlines of his figure shifted, looking grittier.

"Heard about envelopes like this," he said as he ran a rough finger along the flap, opening it. Four pages of ancient parchment unfolded. The language on it wasn't English, wasn't anything that the Sandman recognized. His eyes widened. "This is a page from the Darkhold!"

The others stepped forward and took their own pages.

"Isn't that the magic book that's supposed to steal your soul?" Hydro-Man said. "Like, the one great-granddaddy of the Necronomicon!?"

"I do not believe in magic," the Living Laser sneered. His hand grew brighter as he tried to burn the paper.

It would not burn.

"I've seen things in Wakanda," Klaw said, taking the page in his one purple humanoid hand; the left being a large sonic blaster. "Some science is so advanced it seems like magic. And vice versa."

"Are we really doing this?" the Sandman said. "I mean, we have no idea what will happen. This could all be a trick..."

"I saw the Squirrel Girl bouncing on Thanos' dick in Central Park," the Living Laser said. "She had him on the ground in a reverse mating press, his purple knees pinned to his shoulders as she begged for his nut. I don't think this is a trick."

They stared at the ancient, indestructible spells in their hand. Their souls and maybe their lives on one hand, and a billion dollars in the other.