No (thinks this is fun)

"And ruin a perfectly good opportunity for acceptable nudity? No way!" Mom answered.

"...What?" Seriously, what the fuck is she talking about?

"Liz, at your age I would have _killed _to be in your position right now." Okay, now I'm super confused. What part of any of this sounds like a good time?

"I... I don't understand, Mom"

"Think about it: how often do you get the chance to walk around naked, while having an excuse to do so? Sure, anyone can be naked anywhere now, but we all know that choosing to do so is just kinda strange. But with a good excuse like yours, nobody would think anything like that about you." Mom explained.

"...That is absolutely nuts, Mom. Even if being naked is 'acceptable' with an excuse, why would I want to be "acceptably" naked?" I retorted.

"Because when you're young and beautiful, you should take every socially acceptable opportunity to show it off. Trust me, it makes for great memories. I've been in situations like this before, except never with an excuse that good. At most my friends and I could squeeze maybe a couple hours out of 'acceptable' nudity. But you have almost an entire day!" Mom elaborated.

"Okay, but how would it be 'acceptable' for me to still be naked when you could just give me clothes now? If I'm understanding this right, it's only 'acceptable' to walk around naked for extended periods of time when it's the only option you have." I tried to explain.

"Well, the beauty is that I'm now in on it. What if I 'lost' my wardrobe key? Then I wouldn't be able to open up my closet!"

"But you didn't..."

"Oh but I could!"

"What do you mean?"

"Liz, I'll be back in a minute, I have to use the restroom." Mom said suspiciously before walking off to presumably use the restroom.

Oookay. That was strange. Something about the way she said that seems odd. Like she doesn't actually have to use the restroom or something. Oh well, maybe she's just being weird. But within like 30 seconds of her leaving, I heard the toilet flush and the running of the sink. No woman could ever use the restroom that quickly. But why would she fake having to use the restroom?

Seconds later Mom came back to the door.

"Liz, you wouldn't believe it, but as I was putting my shorts back after using the toilet, the key to my wardrobe slid out of my pocket and fell into the toilet as it was flushing! I can't get into my closet now!"

Holy shit. She just flushed her goddamn key down the goddamn toilet. Just to have an alibi for my nudity.

"... you're kidding." I said flatly.

"Nope. And the crazy thing is I changed my mind and decided I would get you something to wear after I got out, but looks like that's not happening. Sorry sweetie, I shouldn't have tried to impose my idea of fun on you, but it doesn't matter now if I actually can't help you anyway." Mom said, trying to sound convincing. But I can clearly tell what her true intentions were.

"Okay mom, fine." I wanted to scream and bitch her out, but stopped myself when I realized that that wouldn't do anything to help my current situation. My mom wants me to be 'acceptably' naked because I guess she thinks that it'll be fun for me, and there's not much I can do to change her mind. I'll just have to figure something else out, without my Mom's help.

"Well it looks like your nudity is perfectly 'acceptable' after all, Liz! At this point you might as well have fun with it. Come out of your room and meet our guests; just tell them what you told me and they'll be totally understanding!" Mom said cheerfully. I love my mom, but sometimes she just doesn't get it.

"Mom, I'm not coming out of my room to strut around the house in the buff. If you can't get me clothes, that's fine, but at least leave me be." I said forcefully.

"Okay sweetie, it's all up to you, but I did order Chinese food for us and our guests, and I'm not bringing it to your room. If you want to eat tonight, you're going to have to eat with us."

"I'm. Not. Leaving. At least until I can get clothed."

"Whatever you say, Liz. But don't complain when you get hungry, because I won't be hearing any of it. Just relax, like I said, nobody will judge you if it wasn't your choice to be naked."

With that, Mom returned to her guests, leaving me still butt naked and nowhere closer to finding clothes (arguably further from clothes than I was initially). I really want to hate her for doing this, but I know deep down she's just being clueless.

I went back to watching my TV show, trying to forget the fact that I'm completely naked, albeit "acceptably". What a weird concept. I mean, I guess she's right, that people probably wouldn't judge you for being naked if it was by accident or something. But that doesn't change the fact that people saw you naked! After an hour or so, I heard the doorbell ring, presumably the Chinese delivery person. Ha. As if I'd ever just waltz into the dining room in my birthday suit just to eat dinner.

But then I realized that I haven't eaten all day, and even the quick thought of kung pao chicken sent rumbles throughout my stomach. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, like Mom said, they'd understand.

...What am I saying? I can't eat dinner naked just because I'm hungry! Unfortunately, my stomach isn't as principled, and the idea of eating dinner in the buff with two strangers and my mother is becoming concerningly more palatable.

Fuck. Am I actually considering doing this?