No, you're not falling for this hoax

Laughing you put Amy's book down. She's such a crazy cat. You can just imagine all the teasing you would get if Amy thought you had fallen for her prank for even a second. She would tease you twice as hard if she knew just how turned on you had become after reading her 'pretend' entry on how she been the gang-bang center of a pair of werewolf creatures.

There was no reason to head off home yet. Amy's place had cable and that was better than yours. After making yourself a steaming mug of coffee you climb onto her sofa and turn on her large screen HD TV.

"And in other news...

... DEIRDRA!"

The TV booms your name. The voice does not seem electronic. It does not even seem to be coming from the speakers. The booming voice seems to becoming from below the sofa you sit on.

BANG The TV explodes. Smoke pours into the room. Before you can react the sofa vanishes. The lights in the house begin to flicker. As you fall forward, your coffee spilling everywhere and scolding you, you feel a wet tendril wrap itself around your ankle.

What the hell is going on! Your thoughts struggle to cope with the sudden and dramatic change in the room. Those months of yoga practise come into their own as you manage to throw yourself forwards, twisting in the air in order to land gracefully and reaching out to grab at the leg of the living room table. Even as you try and pull yourself forwards, away from the remains of the sofa, the tentacle around your ankle pulls you back towards the vortex.