Naturally. You’re here to hire The Professional

The e-mail reply comes two days later. The sender’s address claims to be some sort of government official and the body of the message is an encrypted jumble. It’s only after a bit of thought that you plug in the original .onion address as an encryption key, which reveals the true content.

Greetings:

It has come to our attention that you desire personal professional change, either for yourself or someone else. To that end we would like to define the terms of an agreement by which you can achieve this.

Our terms are simple. If you have gotten this far, you understand that your chosen client will, if our terms are met, be detained and subjected to numerous physical and psychological stressors in order to bring about this desired change. Should you reply to this message you will be effectively agreeing to this unconditionally, and, should we decide to take on your case, there will be no turning back following the remittance of payment.

To receive a quote, please go to the following website and fill out the form.

At the new .onion URL, the landing page is a simple data submission form:

Name:
Age:
Physical description:
Location:
Live alone?
Your relationship to the client?
Please give a brief description of the client’s average week:
Please list any personality quirks or deviant behaviors of which you are aware:
How many days will the client’s absence go unnoticed if the absence occurs during a reasonable time period?
Please also list the desired changes:

A quote will be snail mailed to you along with payment information should we decide that your chosen client meets our strict criteria.

Author’s Note: So… shout out to wixxy for originally doing something like this and to AliHart for giving me the incentive to use this story as a basis for it. I’m going to open this sucker up to moderated submissions. Create a chapter. Use it to fill out the form. I’ll decide which ones I want to carry on with, and write some chapters describing The Professional at work, how many depends on how inspirational your app is. Expect me to contact you for additional details. I will accept contracts regardless of gender or sexual orientation although you shouldn’t be surprised if the results don’t match the original material.