Natsuo freaks out a little

I swear these earrings only had a limited range.

Didn't that guy back at base say they were only limited range? Someone read it in that ancient book or something? The relics couldn't... it was a goddamn earring!! How the fuck can it change ALL OF REALITY?!

It was quickly sinking in how much I'd screwed up, the sea of normalities I'd inflicted the last few days rushing back to me. All my sexy fun I'd had with Robin was now sexy fun that just so happened to be laws of our world. People danced to find their partners, women dinged when they'd found a mate, masseuse was a real ship position, and I guess I can control if semen is an aphrodisiac. That wasn't even all the rules, just a splash of the problem bucket I'd doused the earth in.

Needless to say I made a quick exit.

"Uhhh! Sorry! Can't have breakfast! Gotta... go buy some supplies from town! Be right back!" I told Nami and Usopp, practically screaming my heart was beating so fast.

Before either of the Straw Hats could ask anything I made a dash for the gangplank. Nothing was gonna stop me getting out of h-

"Natsuo." Came that lovely voice I'd fallen for, stopping me in my tracks. I looked up to the railing to see Robin hugging her doctor. She'd apparently also stripped down to her underwear that I'd covered in my semen. But right now she was mostly concerned with me. "Are you okay? Would you like some company?"

I shook my head quickly, "N-no need! You catch up with your friends, I won't be gone that long! Just forgot I need my favourite chocolate that only gets sold here! What a coincidence! Hahaha!" I waved in a cringe worthy performance.

She still frowned down at me but nodded. "See you soon Natsuo-san." Robin replied, her tone sounding only slightly hopeful that I would actually return. We both kinda knew it was a question mark right now, but space is what I need to think.

I nodded to her with a reassuring smile and hurried off.

Before I knew it I was trudging through the slightly soggy grass of the Sabaody Archipelago alone. My heart rate returning to some form of regular beat. I'd walked to a grove far away from the Sunny, deep in the mangrove forest, far away from all the bustling shops in town and on the side of the island that wasn't used for docks. I hadn't seen anyone for about 20 minutes, some solitude sinking before I came to a complete stop.

Okay. Time to collect my thoughts.

...

"SSSSHHHHHIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!"

Why didn't I show any form of restraint? I'm just some nobody whose life was shit and wanted to have some fun with a girl! Why didn't I just say 'it's normal for Robin to like semen on her bikini', 'it's normal for Robin to dance with a guy she likes', why'd I have to keep bringing in everyone else into my madness?!

I really should have paid more attention. There was that little thing that happened with Robin that I totally wrote off. She was reading the morning newspaper yesterday and one of the articles she was most interested in was 'Princess of Alabasta Sex Caught On Snail'. I thought she was just being a perv and that the article was a big scandal about some leaked Den Den Mushi... but now that I think about it, I think it was an ADVERT!! This... my words had made it not only acceptable for the Princess of a country to release a sex video, but it also affected the NEWSPAPER to acceptably sell it!

Not to mention, the pregnancies. Oh, dear lord, there must be so many pregnancies now. I'd single handily repopulated the world... unless they decided to just hold onto the baby now. Perhaps I've really slowed down the act of having kids, now everyone will just find the one that makes them DING and call it a day.

Ugh, why did I do the ding thing, that's so lame...

Okay. Have to reverse it, right? Undo everything that's happened and everyone can go back to norm- usual.

But then, the pregnancies again. I don't really want to be responsible for killing a bunch of children here, even if they're not technically alive yet that type of mass abortion is rather uncomfortable a prospect.

So they keep the baby normality and I undo the rest...

Which also sounds like a shit idea. A bunch of people who are now no longer in love or horny for each other have to take care of children they don't want? If I make all women non-perverted, will they hate what they did? Hate the man they slept with? It's not like they're unhappy as perverts, just more open about their sexuality. Which is a good thing! ...right?

I have no idea how I'd even go about undoing it anyway. This relic is clearly incredibly powerful, there's a chance the changes I've made are permanent. I've already kind of undone one, making semen an aphrodisiac, but that was more changing an existing rule with more rules on top, making me 'in charge' of if it can be used like that. God, anytime I want I can just make all the ladies and their cum covered underwear incredibly horny again...

NO! Ugh, I've got to stop navigating with my penis... metaphorically this time. Nearly forgot that everyone can use their cumpie maker as a compass.

Maybe I'll just stay here with all these trees. They seemed like good compan-

BANG! FWSSSHHH!! PING!

"FUCK!!"

I ducked down into a nearby bush. Somebody had just shot at me! Did the trees really hate me that much already?!

"Did I get the bastard?" I heard a slimy voice in the distance.

Accompanied by a serious and gruff voice responding, "I'm not sure Sir. I'll begin searching now."

A third voice entered the fray, a woman who sounded just as horrid as the first. "Well hurry it up. My brother wants to own another walking stick! This one's running out of power and that obscene scream sounded full of energy."

My heart knew where this was going, there were talks about the kind of people who frequented Sabaody Archipelago back when the human market was still a thing. I peered over my hiding bush to get a look at who had just tried to kill me.

I assume voice number two was the guy who's now closer to me. A business suited buff boy. Hired muscle with a fancy outfit that showed even the help were treated well.

The first two, the one that had the gun and was skulking about in a weird outfit, was someone I was definitely familiar with in my time with Dragon. Well, not really him specifically, but the group he's with.

I hissed in rage. Great, I escape the Revolutionaries just in time to meet a Celestial Dragon.

They were the worst of the worst. Inbred sociopaths who have had literally the entire government at the fingertips since birth, taught that the world was theirs and anyone who disagreed would be put to ****. The epitome of corruption, everyone hated them yet were powerless to do anything about them since they were 'pure blooded' beings. Not only that but slavery was just a-okay in their book. Case in point: his 'walking stick' was probably referring to the poor man being sat on by the Celestial on his back. He was battered, bruised, and wearing a saddle that was clearly on too tight. The Celestial didn't care though, surveying the landscape for me.

Just seeing their snot nosed and pathetic faces behind those glass bowls was enough to get my anger building myself. Dragon never really divulged how my parents died, but after a few hushed discussions I have a sneaking suspicion these guys were responsible.

They were the wall I was never able to overcome. Dragon never attacked them directly, and if there ever was an attack that could be tied to them he never brought me. It was probably because I was just the dishwasher. A weak nobody who could never strike at the heart of the corrupted world. Part of me wanted to be stronger, but the rest of me convinced itself it never could.

Well I guess today’s the day to prove them all wrong.

I was just looking for a way to make it up to the world for making it so perverted. Maybe I can redeem what little of my soul I can to do something about the Celestial Dragons. Change the rules to help anyone under their thumb, make them repent for what they've done.

Feeling a powerful rush of good energy in me, I whispered, "It's normal for the Celestial Dragons to all feel devastated about what they've done to others."

Quickly I peered over my hidey hole to check out their crying faces... but I was wrong. The horrible slimy creature sat upon that poor man's back was none-the-better after I'd said that.

“I think I see him over there!” Shouted the hired help. I ducked under my bush again but heavy footsteps were getting closer.

Was my earring broken? Had I used it for so much sexy fun I'd ran out its battery or some shit?

"It's normal for the Celestial Dragons to not capture people as their slaves!" Nothing, if anything he just sped up his encroaching ****. "It's normal for the Celestial Dragons to just be better people!"

Suddenly a gorilla sized arm swooped down around me and grabbed me in one go. “Gotcha!” declared the guard, trapping me in his arms incredibly easily. He scooped me up around my chest while I kicked at him to try and free myself, the burly man being far too large and powerful for my meagre strength to do anything. He quickly waltzed me back towards the Celestials, who had begun checking me out.

“Oh, what a pity, I had hoped he’d have more meat on his bones.” Whined the man, “He would barely last a day as a walking stick.”

“Ooh! Let me keep him brother!” cooed the woman, “I only have 7 little twinks left to play with, I need more penises to stroke on our journey home!”

“Tch. You and your oddness sister.” He rolled his eyes behind the glass. “Here I thought you’d want to keep your children pure.”

She stroked his arm much more seductively than any sister should, “Yours is the only seed worthy of impregnating me brother, as we found out the other day when you dinged me. I just enjoy squeezing out their sexual juices and watching them squirm~”

At this point I’d seen enough for a lifetime. “It’s normal for you to let me go!” I choked out from behind the meaty forearm.

The guard opened his eyes wide, like he’d realised he was supposed to do exactly that… but didn’t. Instead he looked at the siblings for guidance.

“What a funny little man you are.” The male Celestial hummed while stroking his beard (well, stroking part of the glass bowl covering his beard.) “Perhaps it would be ‘normal’ for peasants to be free, but you are Celestial Dragon property now. You don’t get a say in your life anymore.”

Okay. I definitely shouldn’t have picked a fight here.

Perhaps the problem is that these earrings only work on humans. These… things in human clothing are probably too far beyond any form of redemption and hope that even reality shifting powers have no effect on them. I began desperately struggling to escape again, but no matter what the guard just squeezed me tighter.

“Brother’s right! Now come here and be tagged!” Chirped the sister, already bringing out a collar and reaching it towards my neck.

I was fucked if I didn’t come up with a solution fast…

If the earring wasn’t going to work, the only thing I had left was… my hands!

Using all my knowledge, I jammed my fingers into two pressure points on the guards arm. Instantly the massive trunk came loose around my chest and I fell forwards into the soapy ground.

There weren't many lessons I’d taken to heart from the Revolutionaries, but one was definitely ‘run to fight another day’.

“STOP HIM!” I heard the horrible man shout as I bolted from the grove as quickly as I could. “HE’S MY SISTER’S PLAYTHING!”

“Oh Brother, just send the Paci-”

Was the last thing I heard before my ears were out of hearing distance. The blood coursing through my system making it hard to hear anything anyway.

I didn’t stop until I was back in the land of regular people. I know that didn’t save me from their wrath, but it probably stopped me from being recognised easily. Something tells me that peasant’s faces weren’t very iconic to them.

My breath was finally able to be caught as I crashed down near the Theme Park. I don’t think I’ve run that hard in a while, but can you blame me? That was an unwinnable situation there. How was I supposed to know that these earrings had limits? I guess next time I’ll say ‘human trash’ instead of ‘Celestial Dragons’ and maybe that’ll do it.

"Pity," I mumbled, finally standing up and stretching myself out. "I would have loved to have made it normal that all the Celestial Dragons became infertile today."

Meanwhile, at the Holy Land of Mary Geoise, the Gorosei were suddenly in hysterics.

"THAT WAS TODAY?!"

The doctor that was present bowed, "Yes sir. I can confirm that all members of the Celestial Dragons, both male and female, can no longer bare children. None of them have realised it, and we'll be able to keep it a secret from the world for a long time, but that's the situation as it is now."

"This is bad." The bald member grumbled. "It's foretold that today is when all Celestial Dragons become infertile permanently. Even when the children that have been born before now grow up, they won't be able to have any children of their own. This is the **** march of multiple sacred lineages."

"We should have been more prepared. Started a breeding program months ago. This has the chance to derail so many of our plans."

"Begin the hunt for any devil fruits or artefacts that can undo this. There must be a way to keep the holy bloodlines alive."

“WHERE DID SHE GO?!”

Trebol was terrified right now. Never had he seen his young master so vehemently upset.

The snotty man didn’t try and quell his anger, instead the delegation went to Pica. “Hey, Doffy-chan, you got to impregnate all these girls here at least! So Viola got away, it’s not that big of a deal, right?” squeaked the high voiced man.

Doflamingo was in no mood. His strings shooting out from a mystery location to cut up the stone man where he stood. Luckily he was in enough of his right mind not to use Haki, but Pica still took it as a good indication to travel elsewhere in the mansion.

“None of you understand. Just because I have seven blasted children coming right now, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve more!” He fumed, his temple vein throbbing more than Trebol had ever seen. “I let that ex-princess bitch run around all willy nilly, even let her fuck me, yet she never got impregnated! Do you know how weak a message that sends that I didn’t get my claws into the old regime to that level?!”

“We don’t know if it’s forever boss.” Diamante reminded him, casually eating an apple on his chair. “Caesar should be working on something to make sure at least you can still have more kids.”

Trebol nodded, “Nyeh nyeh! That’s right Doffffyyy! As long as we keep our deal with Kaidou it can fund a lot of research into your conditioonnn!”

Doflamingo was still glaring out the window. “My ‘condition’ was not crushing this town even further beneath my boot when I had the chance. I should have had Sugar erase all the men and just kept a town harem…” He fumed before taking a breath and returning to his neutral face of an evil smile. “Still, we’ll have to wait and see if Caesar can change my father’s shitty genealogy. In the meantime, make sure Viola can’t escape from Dressrosa. We’ll smoke out that dancer yet.”

—-----------------------------------

Well. What to do now I guess.

Can’t even repent my sins without it becoming a whole ordeal. Guess I should still just wander off into the distance right? As much as I want to bid Robin farewell I think it’s best if I just go, lest I change my mind at the sight of her pretty perverted face.

Thoom Thoom

At least Nami and Usopp seemed nice. Sure, I’m probably the one responsible for them getting together, but they were pretty genuine about their weird tryst from what I could see. Robin will be free amongst her fellow degenerates.

THOOM THOOM

This is what I want. A new life, free from the depressing Revolutionaries and safe from the dangers of this hell world. I should even be able to figure out how to get back to one of the Blues. They’re safe. They’re boring. Perfect for a nobody like me to just be ignored compl-

“Target Acquired.”

I had just enough time to turn and see my ****. A bear looking man several times the size of the guard was suddenly roaring at me with a bright yellow light in his mouth. I knew about Pacifistas, and let me tell you, robots probably won’t let me massage them to get away, nor listen to normalities either.

And yet my heart was just full of regrets for not spending more time with the Straw Hats.

“JET PISTOL!”

I had just enough time to see the robot’s ****. A long black fist had just descended from the sky and landed smack dab into the charging Pacifsta’s jaw. There was a brief moment where I saw the brutality of the blow before I was pushed far away from its strength. My body tumbling across the Sabaody ground as I caught glimpses of a mangled bear man in a suddenly formed crater.

My body crashed into the Theme Park’s teacup ride. Bruised and painful is how I’d review the experience. I groaned as more and more of the park’s patrons ran from the commotion.

There was only one figure who stayed to look at the burning wreck of robot, the one that had landed from the sky.

It was sort of hard to see who it was, especially with the 2 ton backpack that he was wearing, and I only got to see flashes of him as the teacup kept spinning my aching body away from the view.

I didn’t even have the strength to move when the stranger began walking up to me to ask a simple question.

“Hey, you alright?” said Straw Hat Luffy. “Want me to spin you harder?”