Ms. Broadchest and Mrs. Skrew read Lois Lane's Night Out

These characters are from Rhod's Rod, but I don't promise that this will make any more sense if you read that story first.

"Hello Anita."

"Ms. Broadchest. I see you're showing off your oversized jugs as usual."

"Don't blame me if your mother didn't give you a pair half as nice as mine. And as for showing off, I can't help but notice you're flashing your rather simple tarts about. Hoping to get the guys drooling?"

"I haven't the foggiest idea what you are talking about. Irregardless--"

"Regardless."

"Yes, well, we are here to read and critique a bit of superhero literature about Lois Lane."

"I think I've heard of her. Isn't she the one that takes pictures of Spiderman?"

"No, that's Peter Parker. Lois takes pictures of Superman."

"So Lois is like the Peter Parker of Superman? That's a really good disguise."

"'How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty', you are Ms. Broadchest."

"Thanks, you as well. I think we'll have to skip the introduction because it was written by another author, so we're starting at the second chapter of which we apparently have three options. Lex Luthor is a villain, so we'll avoid him, and I don't trust anyone with the first name Poison."

"I suppose Blaze will do. I remember Mrs. Slut's young man preferred to be called Blaze after he found that black fedora, and he's harmless enough."

"Blaze it is. Shall we get started, Anita Skrew?"

"As you're done wasting time, let's... Goodness."

"I know. It's written with quite intense detail."

"Far too intense. It was nice reading about the bartender with chicken breasts under her shirt, but who wants to read about the stroking of a 'shaft sigh'?"

"Come here and bury your face in my jugs. That'll help."

"Thank you, I suppose your jugs are rather relaxing."

"Things get a bit better. Lois talks to a woman named Valeria, who had really big breasts under her blouse that Lois really wanted."

"That's not so bad, but maybe Lois should have eaten before going to this club. She's jealous of the other woman's large breasts. On a side note, I also liked when Valeria ejaculated."

"Right on Anita, we haven't had much talk of ejaculating since Holmes and Watson."

"But then Valeryia needs a new outfit, so she takes Lois to the dressing room, and there's naked woman everywhere. Of all shapes and sizes too."

"Yes, and Lois takes some time to focus on several sensual aspects of the scene. It's not just about the bosoms or bottoms, so props to her for not being shallow."

"And Ms. Broadchest knows a thing or two about being shallow."

"Hmph, well, hopefully Lois doesn't get tied down too early and turn herself into a grumpy old hag. Back to the story. The two women are in the dressing room where I think we can both agree something truly disturbing happens."

"Lois gets into a shower with clothes on. Quite shocking indeed! I can understand her desire to keep chaste, but surely two women can get all wet then rub each other off without it being sordid."

"Anita, please don't call me Shirley, but otherwise I agree; perhaps we can try it sometime."

"Hah, knowing you, you'd just watch me soap off your mother's jugs the whole time."

"Hmph, anyway, it doesn't make much of a difference because the two women are practically begging each other to undress 5 minutes into the shower. And that's not the worst bit. There's a chair in the shower."

"Shower chairs are quite acceptable in a variety of situations, Ms. Broadchest."

"Agree to disagree."

"I suppose. One thing we can agree on is that after some well written (if a bit bawdy) dialog and a few sordid puns regarding a woman's wetness, the two women get embroiled in some truly naughty acts atop said chair."

"Yes there are several lewd things done to Lois's vulva and... other parts."

"Please, Ms. Broadchest, nibble on my cream tarts; it'll help calm you. The dirty writing is made all the worse by the author's overuse of ellipses, in some odd places too. I find it quite naughty. If the author were one of my students, I'd be tempted to spank his bottom."

"Mayffe fis feyboard fas fuck."

"Ahhh, slow down, take gentler bites, and don't talk with your mouthful, but perhaps you're right. It wasn't an issue in previous chapters, so the author's period key could have been stuck that day. Irrega-- Ahem, regardless, replacing most of them with commas, or paragraph breaks would produce the actual results that I think author wants."

"And it'd be better to put them in irregularly as her thoughts trail off to find the right word, rather than between clauses."

"Please go back to nibbling on my tarts, you're much better at that. There we go. I know they're not as big as your jugs, but I think they deserve just as much attention. It should be mentioned that Lois is justified in her frequent mental stumbling because she is soon **** to look at a very imaginative variety of... marital aids. Which I'm sure would be quite a shock to take in, and she does take them in first visually, and then through other means. I just wish the author would use his imagination to describe something innocent like magic wands or maybe rubber cocks."

"Mffmmfmaaa."

"Yes, I did quite like the author's description of breasts; that's why I suggested a rubber chicken-- Are you finished already? You barely nibble on my two tarts, and you're already fully satisfied?"

"Just give me a minute; I'll be ready again soon."

"Well, I suppose I should continue reading. It is nice to see the proper spelling of 'shooke,' but don't let that sudden dip into archaic writing fool you because another promiscuous woman shows up this one named Tiana."

"Yes, she's interesting. One of her quotations isn't closed properly, so I guess that means she tells us the rest of the story."

"Only someone of your remarkable intelligence would think that, Ms. Broadchest."

"At least, we're near to the end. I don't imagine there's much more filth for us to read."

Even if she shat blood for the next three days,

"... Is that image intended to be erotic?"

"I stand corrected."

"I guess Marcie did try to warn us about the author's interest in 'scat' as she called it."

"Finally the end. As expected the raunchy nature continues to escalate with an extravagant orgy and the arrival of the demon in charge, Blaze."

"It turns out she's not strictly evil, simply luring women into her cult to liberate them from the oppression of society and leave them free to indulge their cravings in some hedonistic, over-eating, sex-crazed sisterhood, which of course Lois joins. Fair is fair, the lack of a truly evil plan was a twist I didn't see coming."

"I guess it could have been worse for Lois given all the demonic marital aids and such, but I still found it rather lacking?"

"Oh? I find that hard to believe given your tacky tendency to indulge yourself, considering your giant cream jugs and whatnot."

"Well, the assumption that women maintain their figure and health purely to appeal to men, is frankly baloney. And even then when this women free themselves to indulge, it merely results in their bosoms and behinds growing, making them more appealing to men. I can't recall a single mention of a paunchy belly."

"Well, it's a comicbook story. You're foolish to ask for realism."

"And what would you change?"

"Remove all the eroticism, obviously. I'm sure you feel the same way though you forgot to mention it. The author is clearly capable of writing good dialog and describing scenes well, so I see no reason there couldn't be a bit about Lois enjoying a nice cup of tea or warm mug of hot cocoa with her girlfriends, maybe with a thrilling yet innocent card game. I doubt there wouldd be a way to sexualize that. Any other closing remarks?"

"I just can't believe Marvel allowed this to be written."

"Indeed."