Mom

The picture was of you in your mother's arms. You were just a baby in the photo. Your mom held you close, cradling you with her hand and kissing your forehead, as you gripped a lock of her brown hair in your pudgy little hand. This is what she had been clutching as she fell asleep crying.

You flatten the picture out as best you could and carefully place it back in its spot in the photo album.

Looking at your mother, slumped over as she was, you think that laying like that couldn't possibly be comfortable. Had this been Chloe or Elsie you would have tried to carry them to their bed, but you had no hope of lifting your mother's thick round body. You kneel down beside her and gently grip her shoulder.

"Mom."

Her eyes flutter then slowly open. You watch as she gets her bearings and her brown eyes focus on you. "Jesse?" She sits the groans. "Ohhhh." She grabs her neck, sleeping like that had given her a crick.

You come up to sit beside her. Reaching up you grip the back of her neck with one hand and begins a firm massage.

"Mmmmm." She hums. Then, looking around at the tissues and photos, she realizes how you had found her. She looks over at you. "Um...are...are you...um..." She seemed at a loss as to how to talk to you all of a sudden.

You continue to massage her neck. "Come on Mom, lets get you to bed."

She shakes her head. "No. Honey...are you... Jesse... I..." She looks at you hopelessly. "Ohh Jesse, I don't even know how to talk to you anymore!" Her shoulders sag and her head dips down. "I...I did your laundry but...I don't know if that's what I'm supposed to do. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do." She looks up at you, tears in her eyes. "I'm losing everything and I don't know why! Jesse, my baby b..." Her face flinches as she catches herself. Her head sags back down. "I'm sorry." She whispers.

"Oh geez." You sidle even closer to her and put both your arms around her. She leans into you, resting her head on your shoulder. "Mom, come on now. It's okay."

She shakes her head. "No honey, it's not."

You hold her close for long minutes. She puts her arms around your chest and holds on tight, as if you may fly from her grip at any moment. She holds you as if you were the most important thing in the whole world to her.

"I heard about Allison." You say softly.

She sniffles. "Honey, she was no good for you. You don't need a woman like that in your life. I couldn't let her be around you anymore. You deserve so much better."

"Thank you." You kiss your mother's head. "I've found better Mama. I've found someone new, and she is wonderful!"

"I've heard...from Peggy." The pain in those words easy to hear. "Honey...um...why...why a boy?"

"Er, it's a bit more complex than that."

"Did Allison scare you away from girls?" She sits up and looks at you with a concern only a mother could have for you. "Did I?"

You kiss her plump lips. "No Mom. Casey is special. You'll see when you meet her."

"Oh...I would like to meet her. But...but she's a boy. Isn't it kind of...weird?"

You laugh softly. "No. Besides, as if this family can talk about weird."

"Is it just about the sex? It's okay if it's just..."

"No Mom. I really like her."

"But...he's a boy. What if you two want children?"

You shrug. "We're nowhere close to anything like that yet. We'll cross that bridge if we get to it."

Your mother has a strange look in her eyes. "Let me know." She then smiles and pets your cheek oh so softly. "It is so nice to have you home again. Ohhh, I've missed you so much."

You grin. "It's nice to be home."

"I...I...I don't...want to lose you guys. My sweet little Elsie is gone. Fiona I barely see. Now you..." She brushes a bang from your forehead. "I...I want to make things right. You guys are everything to me."

"Mom, you're not losing us. But...things are changing."

Her face gets serious once more. "Um...Jesse."

"Yeah Mom."

"I talked to Chloe last night."

You knew where this was heading. "Yeah."

"Honey, what's all this talk about ending the family way?"

You take a deep breath. Fiona wanted to be here for this, you were glad she wasn't. "It's true. Elsie, Fiona, Peggy, and I. We're ending it. What you and Chloe do is your business of course...but I think it would be for the best if you did as well."

Your mother's expression hardens. "Jesse. There's nothing wrong with what we do. You never took part, you don't understand. There is nothing wrong with it."

"Mom..." You say softly. "...yes, yes there is."

"We're all consenting adults. We waited until each of you got old enough to make that decision for yourself."

"It's still wrong Mom. As fucked up as it gets."

"As long as it's just sex it is okay. Don't you see? As long as we don't fall in love..."

You take your mother by the shoulders and look her in the eyes. "Mom, listen to me. You can't separate the two, not entirely. Mom...Peggy loved you. And I don't mean just like a sister. She waited for you. Mom...you broke Peggy's heart with Allison."

Your mother looks down, staring off into nowhere. "But...it was just sex... She of all people should know. It's just about the sex."

"Mom. It is never 'just sex'."

There is a long silence as your mother grapples with things. Looking at her face twitch or slightly contort as she thought things through you come to a realization. She didn't understand. She didn't understand any of it. She didn't really know why fucking Allison had been a problem. She didn't really understand why her children were pulling away from her. She didn't really understand why **** was bad. To you she suddenly looked like a child trying to wrestle with a difficult real life problem for the first time. You always knew your mother was different. Hell, maybe even insane. But only now were you beginning to see just how deeply this twisted vein ran. It was a core aspect of who she was. You could be wrong of course, but unlike with Fiona you didn't believe there would be enough counselling in the world to "fix" your mother. Her heart was pure but her mind was cracked.

You sit up straight and deepen your voice. "Mom."

She looks up at you forlornly. "Yes?"

"We're ending it. Period."

"But..."

"No buts. It's over. It is not healthy and it is holding all of you back." You speak to her firmly, like a father might. "All of you are beautiful and wonderful...and no boyfriends? It wasn't just sex Mom, it was a surrogate. El has found someone. Peggy's going to start dating. Chloe's got her Daddy. Mom, it is time to move on."

"But..."

You sigh. "I know you have needs and...fetishes. But the family is no place to get them. I know you have a secret too, but now it is out. Allison is telling everyone. We'll deal with the consequences. It's not like the old days Mom. Everything will be okay, as long as we support each other." You then say again, authoritatively. "It's over Mom. The Bailey way is done."

She looks at you with her wide brown eyes. Fat tears roll down her chubby cheeks. She says in a squeaking voice. "Y-you think it's for the best?"

"Yes." You state bluntly. "Mom, there are so many people out there. You'll find another partner. And you'll let your family find happiness as well."

"Happiness?"

"Yes. Can't you see you were holding each other back from it? Mom...it's over."

There is a pregnant silence.

She finally nods. "Okay. Whatever you say honey." She seemed simultaneously hurt...and relieved to have you say these things. To take control of it away from her. Her sad eyes scan back over to the picture she had been clutching. A melancholy smile grows across her pretty face. She whispers. "My baby really is gone, isn't he?"

You soften both your voice and your expression. "I've grown up. I'm a man now. It's normal, it's natural. Our relationship will change." You kiss her soft cheek. "But mama, some part of me will always be your baby boy."

Her full face lifts as she beams proudly at you. "My boy." She whispers. "My beautiful young man. My son."

She pulls you in for a huge squishy hug. Pure and precious. It was a mother's hug.

You hug her back and hold your Mama tight.