Mom and Dad Step In

"Well hold on guys!" Jack said, nervously. "Like we said: This is Andy's first meeting and we haven't actually discussed that side of things yet. Andy has been very eager to get involved in production and the business side of things, but he's not fully on board with the idea of performing right now."

"That's right," Patty jumped in. "Maybe when he's older, more used to the world, he'll want to get involved, but right now I think we're just going to stay the course..."

"Stay the course!" Uncle Joey looked like he blew a gasket. "This is the biggest marketing opportunity we've ever had! You know that faux-step-family stuff is gold these days! Just the idea that he's there a family porn business is going to shoot you all into the stratosphere!"

Uncle Joey turned to Andy. "Kiddo, did you really think you were going to get into the family business without gettin' into the family business!?" Joey said, thrusting his hips in his seat. "Tell him, Billy!"

And now it was Uncle Billy's turn: "He's right, Andy. We've made our money back but as partners, we always want to the see business grow. And there are a lot of fans out there who will get on this train, regardless of whether your porn game matches up to dear ol' dad."

Joey's eyes bulged out of his head. "You never... Do you even know if he has the equipment for the job!?"

They were all surprised when Patty was the one to respond. "You don't have to worry about that. If Andy wants to do the work, he was all the tool."

Billy, Joey and Jack all looked at her, heads tilted and eyebrows raised. "I'm his mother," she said. "I helped him buy clothes. I changed his towels and his sheets... And obviously I was as curious as everyone else so I looked for signs."

"How big we talkin?" Billy asked.

"It's 16 inches," Andy interjected. "Bigger than dad... At least by the numbers."

Everyone's jaw was on the floor. "No way," Joey said. "We would've noticed a long time ago if you were packin' that kind of heat."

"I wear compression shorts and size up the inseam of my pants to make sure there's room at the top of the leg," Andy said sheepishly. "I don't really like people knowing. People always got weird about it, especially when they also knew about the business."

The room grew quiet. The family didn't really understand that Andy had, in his way, carried the burden of being involved with the porn business for a long time now. His resistance to joining the company didn't come out of nowhere.

Jack move over to share the couch with his son, and put his arm around him again. "Buddy, we're not going to make you something you don't want to do," he said earnestly. "Your mother and I have never been in the business of seducing people into the life, and you are the last person we'd want to saddle with that burden.

"But, it sounds like you've experienced all the bad parts of porn without getting to enjoy the benefits! Now that you're here--and especially if you join the talent pool--you will be exposed to wealth and fame. Men will admire you. Women will want to be with you. And you will turn the source of your embarrassment into your greatest strength. I don't know about you, but that sounds like an incredible opportunity to me."

Again, the room fell silent. Andy hadn't ever seen it that way before. And thinking of it that way was very enticing, but also overwhelming and scary. He went to speak, but couldn't really find the words.

"Okay, okay," Uncle Billy said. "Let's table the Andy pornstar issue. It's clear that we jumped the gun, here.

"But Andy," he turned to look his adopted nephew and new business partner dead in the eye. "I think your dad's right. This is only going to work out if you find a way to embrace the life."

"I've got an idea," Patty chimed in, "for how you can start, honey. We're going to spend the rest of the day walking around the studio and meeting the staff and talent. Before we go, why don't you use the bathroom and ditch those compression shorts?"