Michael Clark, a 41 year old owner of a struggling firm, by DissonantSoundtrack

“Is struggling firm a euphemism for his dick?”

“Gina please.”

“Who the fuck wants to read a story about an old fart? In fact, this is the oldest fart we ever covered!”

“I am pretty sure Lunnara is older.”

“Lunnara is not an old fart!”

“Well, excluding fantasy, you might be right, Gina. I think the last record was held by saktongmanyak who had a 36 year old protagonist.”

“So what is this is about? The struggles of an aging fuck not getting it up anymore?”

“Actually Gina, Michael Clark, a 41 year old owner of a struggling firm, by DissonantSoundtrack is a branch in a story called Harem Hotel.”

“Ok, calling it now, this is the story of an old guy going to hotel full of young girls who he can fuck at his leisure. Can you tell how excited I am?”

“According to DissonantSoundtrack we should read the rules chapter first before really delving in.”

“Greaaaaat!”

READING OF RULES IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Looks like your original assumption was wrong, Gina.”

“No, my description still applies. This is a device story. Only this time the device is a reality show!”

“Ah, a clever allegory how reality tv is our mind. Very clever, Gina.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“But I do think we have to explain the concept a bit more.”

“Do we have to?”

“Well, let’s see this is in essence the Bachelor. You know that TV show anybody with half a brain cell can tell is fake?”

“Who the fuck even watches TV anymore? Oh right, 41 year old boomers!”

“Well, there is a supernatural twist to it and the participants are not in it willingly.”

“Sounds ass.”

“Yes, I’m not expecting much from this one, but oh well. Lets give it a fair shake.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Oh fuck no, Marcie, I know that look.”

“What do you mean, Gina?”

“You are in dick sucking mode!”

“Please don’t be absurd.”

“…”

“What are you doing?”

“Waiting for you to start sucking dick.”

“Gina please.”

“…”

“I am perfectly capable of giving a critical review.”

“...”

“But you have to admit this story is…”

“THERE IT IS!”

“Please let me finish.”

“Not fucking liking the bondage story with the super hot bounty hunter, but liking this one with the old fuck, grml...I swear stupid Marcie and her stupid shit taste. Uh, I’m Marcie Storm! And I crave stories about boring old men!”

“Ignoring Gina’s rambling, the premise is that two supernatural beings are competing to become the host of reality tv show.”

“Because that’s apparently what you do when you are a demon from hell. We have a cute girl, Ruby and an evil fat bastard named Al.”

“The two of them co host the newest season of Harem Hotel, where a bunch of unwilling contestants will have to compete for the affection of an equally unwilling “Master”, the titular Michael.”

“The twist is that the girls all have a prior relationship with Michael. Like Michael’s wife or the business partner that screwed him over. Or the boxing girl he bet a bunch of money on and lost.”

“It’s not as unfair as it sounds, though, as the girls who are not in good standing with Michael get a points multiplier.”

Danica wasn’t hurting for money, but it was helpful that Mallory’s biological dad had left such a significant trust to pay for it. Danica didn't want Greg’s money, but him setting things up to pass it directly to Mallory was a dick move. Having your daughter suddenly worth several times more than you’ve ever been on her 18th birthday was a humbling experience. Which was clearly his intent, to mock me and humiliate Michael. Greg was just a sperm donor. Michael was so much better at being Mallory’s dad, even if she never realized it.

“Oh, look not bullshit! Calling it now, Mallory will be on the show as well.”

“I mean, yes Gina. But this is where this story really shines. A lesser narrative would have made the fact that Mallory is in here the main twist of the contestants. Here she gets introduced rather matter of factly.”

“Yeah, because everyone could have seen this coming.”

“But speaking of twists, and I want to put a disclaimer out. There is a pretty big one upcoming, if you have even a slight intention to read this story…”

“MICHAEL’S EXISTENCE ERASED WIFE WHO WAS ERASED FROM EXISTENCE IS HERE TOO!”

“Gina!”

“Fuck you, I’m not letting you suck this dick unless I can help it.”

“Fine, let me give it straight, because this is excellent. Basically, Michael had a prior wife, who was by Harem Hotel. And the way this works is that getting quite literally rearranges the fabric of reality, so that nobody remembers you.”

“I think the reader already got this with my explanation, Marcie.”

“Until this very moment Michael did not even remember that his first wife existed. And the story pulls no punches with this horrifying concept either.”

“Eh, you exaggerate.”

“Really, Gina? The scene with Luciana and her dad didn’t affect you at all?”

“It’s a sex story Marcie. I’m here for the sex. Or not, because I don’t give a fuck about this dude.”

“Very well, let us talk about sex.”

“You mean lack of sex. 27 chapters in and we got two measly sex scenes out of it. And in one of them they stopped in the middle because Michael can’t get it up.”

“That is not really what...”

“Who cares! I don’t want to read about some guy having sex anyways, so I guess that is a plus. There is plenty of female action but Diss can’t even get that right.”

“That is a bit harsh, Gina.”

“No it isn’t. Sarah is a lesbian and Janet was transformed into a lesbian. Why haven’t the two fucked yet?”

“Well, I think the setup is that Sarah will slowly turn hetero.”

“Holy shit, that’s fucked up!”

“But you don’t have any problem with forcefully converting Janet’s sexual orientation?”

“Look, Marcie. One thing is hot, the other a warcrime.”

“Moving back to less controversial topics, I concede that there is not much sex in this story. But I don’t view this as an issue. As a matter of fact I always found teasing much more appealing.”

“Even the teasing sucks though. Like, there is a spanking scene where Danica is to spank her daughter. And it’s like the most unsexy shit ever. I’m talking zero sex appeal here!”

“I am not sure if I am ready for an erotic mother daughter spanking scene, Gina.”

“You think I’m into that shit? But if you already the might as well make it sexy!”

“Ehem, I believe we diverted a bit from the review. The main appeal, from the erotic aspect of the story is what Harem Hotel calls transformations.”

“Basically, they some sick fetishes or body changes on the girls, like Danica becoming a addict or Ruby to cum whenever she hears a bell.”

“Ah, the bell one is a classic. I for one greatly enjoyed the transformation scenes.”

“Which means you masturbated to it.”

“Yes, this is the perfect blend of humiliation for me. I also liked the sparse body control.”

“So, that’s two stories in a row for you, eh Marcie? That’s a new record.”

“What about you, Gina? I feel like this was very appealing for you as well.”

“Fuck no.”

“Really? Come on.”

“It’s just too much teasing bullshit. I like most of the characters but they need to get it on more! I want to see some domination, not this friendship is magic bullshit.”

“Let’s talk characters, because this is another highlight of the story. For a story with a relatively small scale the cast is pretty large, but the author manages to make them all unique and varied.”

“Alright, fine. Since I’m extremely fair I will give Diss props for the names. Because, unlike every other moron on this stupid site he actually bothered to make sure they all sound distinct. Sarah, Luciana, Janet, Mallory ,Rhonda,Vivian ,Danica, there I just recited them from memory!”

“Good job, Gina!”

“He he, thanks...wait are you mocking me?”

“The way they interact with each other is also very well done. Oh, on that note, we would be remiss not to talk about our favorite and least favorite characters. Excluding the hosts and Michael of course.”

“Hm...favorite girl is actually hard. For me it’s a tie between Sarah and Luciana.”

“Really? And here I thought you would go for Vivian.”

“Marcie, despite my affection towards you, I am not into evil bitches.”

“Aww…”

“That wasn’t a compliment!”

“As for me, I’d say I would have to go with Sarah as well. I just like these type of smart characters that are thrust into a difficult situation. And I love her bondage scene in the latest chapter.”

“FUCK YOU!”

“Gina, please.”

“Ted literally did the exact same fucking thing!”

“Well yeah, but you know, he is Ted.”

“Haaa...least favorite...least favorite, pretty easy actually, Danica.”

“You really hate MILFS do you, Gina?”

“Duh, but I also don’t think her character is particularly appealing. She just bitches and whines all the time.”

“Hmm...I go with Rhonda.”

“Wow. You are a monster.”

“Let me be clear here. From a narrative standpoint her inclusion was genius. I love what Diss has done with her. But she is too nice, too perfect for my taste. Because her situation was that awful there is almost an underlying current that Rhonda has to win this, you just have to root for her, because If you don’t, well, Gina had put it very succinctly.”

“Sounds to me like you just like to be a contrarian, Marcie.”

“Perhaps, I’m somewhat rooting for Vivian as well. I don’t want her winning the whole thing for obvious reasons but I can get behind the ambition.”

“I would like her more if she wasn’t middle aged. What’s Diss obsession with old characters?”

“This was an all around remarkable read. Characterization, narrative, erotic content, pacing, presentation. I have to give near all of them top marks. Even the spelling is top notch! From what I can tell we are still in the early parts of the story but if Diss can keep up this quality we are looking at one of the best stories covered on here.”

“Just a friendly advice that Marcie has shit taste and her opinion should be disregarded. There is barely any sex in this, half the cast is geriatric and the main character spends 90% of the story laying on the couch watching TV.”

“Alright, Gina. To show that I do not just mindlessly praise this story, I will agree on one point. Michael is the weakest link in it.”

“THANK FUCK!”

“I won’t go as far as call him badly written but nice guy protagonists that aren’t complete push overs are extremely difficult to write. He is more a spectator and despite the fact that he has a connection with all of these girls, he feels strangely isolated.”

“I guess the girls are clearly the stars of the show.”

“However, my most egregious criticism of Michael…”

“Yes?”

“He did not do a single Dad joke.”

“...”

“Hm, perhaps to close this review you care for a wager, Gina? Who do you think is going to win this? Weird Al or Ruby Rubacuori?”

“Ruby obviously, duh. Al is an evil, ugly, fat bastard with a top hat. Nobody wants that sick fuck to win.”

“Hm, very well then. I am on Team Al. Loser will get a Harem Hotel transformation put on them?”

“Marcie, we still have that wager going on from that sissy prince story.”

“Yes, a shame that that one has apparently been abandoned. I trust I do not have to tell Diss what will happen if I get disappointed once again?”

“How the fuck would that even work?”

“I’m sure the Harem Hotel staff would be delighted to help us out.”

“Whatever, I’m not going to lose anyways, so get ready to get turned into a lesbian!”

“And that is it for today. Good night, folks!”