Lustful Valhalla, by RejecTed

Author's Note: This story has scenes depicting characters in sexual situations that are embarrassing or otherwise uncomfortable for some of the characters. These scenes are depicted as fun and mischievous, and the victims react with only mild annoyance or frustration. This is unrealistic. Much like dropping an anvil on someone's head, sexually embarrassing someone can easily hurt them in real life even if you're being funny, so please be kind and understanding of others.

"Uh, look Marcie! It's one of those sissy authors that uses disclaimers!"

“Hm, from the tags alone though, this does appear like a story you might enjoy, Gina.”

“Meh, I'm not getting my hopes up. Everything about this sounds dumb."

"We are reading Lustful Valhalla, by pfft RejecTed”

“That pun is stupid and you are stupid for liking it."

“Wow, rude. Let's see, in this first chapter we are having some sort of gladiator cum battle between a bunch of hot girls.”

“!!!”

“Huh."

"I'm not liking it!"

"Gina, please."

"Shut up! This is still dumb!"

"Well, I suppose we should start reading before Gina starts masturbating."

"I am not!"

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

Language English

„I disagree.”

„Marcie? You are sweating.“

“I made it trough, but barely.”

“Eh, it wasn't soo bad.”

“Not so bad? Gina, have we read the same story?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

"Fav, no'a bobby is she? I'm ov'a fists, but knock la'er luv and talk me mor on 'at fun you like, eh?"

“WHAT IN TARNATION IS THIS UNHOLY CONGREGATION OF LETTERS?”

“Marcie please, shouldn't we start from the start?”

“...I suppose. Do the synopsis, Gina.”

“So, this is about a pirate called Elisabeth, or Liz for short who fucking dies and goes to heaven.”

“I believe this is supposed to be more of a purgatory.”

“If this awaits people who are evil, I can't wait to die.”

“Well, I don't think you are evil...err not that evil anymore.”

“...fuck.”

“But anyways, things start rather grim with Liz waking up in a test tube. She is in a straight jacket and apparently got quite a few piercings and tattoo's in the process.”

“But she handles it like a champ, comes across a weird demon devil lady and escapes.”

“Hm yes, these first few chapters are indeed weird.”

“What are you bitching about now, Marcie?”

“The very first chapter sets the tone of what to expect. This is a story about sexy, embarrassing games in a purgatory afterlife.”

“Yes?”

“So why do we then have to spend a quite generous amount of chapters running away from that fate?”

“I dunno, we get some pretty hot lesbian scenes out of the bargain. Tickling is pretty hot when the author isn't a hack. Take note, Curvy!”

“Perhaps, but that doesn't change the fact that chapters 4 trough 9, all very meaty chapters by the way, are in essence filler. Having filler that early in your story is not a good sign.”

“Eh, I liked them.”

“Yes, because you flicked your bean to every sex scene you came across, no matter how poor the grammar.”

“It wasn't that bad!”

“Oh, really? I beg to differ."

Thus she was able to a hear a womanly whisper of

These dark-aged implements were of little interest the pirate.

She was rapt by the sight off two women.

almost the the scalp on her left side but longer on the right.

The poor woman's left nipple and worked its way around the spear.

“Eh, these ain't so bad. You have to at least read them twice to find the mistakes.”

“You maybe.”

“Hey!”

“Missed words, too many words, wrong spelling and I don't even know what that last one is supposed to be. And these are all examples from a single chapter! I could mention many more!""

"Please don't."

"This is outrageous! I almost fainted!”

“Stop being such a ninny. If you can handle google you can handle this shit.”

“I find your lack of complaining disturbing, Gina.”

“Oh, you think I don't have any complaints? Because I do have complains.”

"Do tell."

"What is the meaning of this?" barked a voice, crisp like folded summer clothes.

“What the fuck does that even mean!”

“A very valid question, Gina."

"You know, Marcie, after a year and a half of doing this, I really thought we finally found the most pretentious author ever with Curvy."

Desire thundered in her ears like canons blasting beside her spewing forth flames to rival tropical birds with feathers of orchids allowing them to soar up and up into Eos's white wool reminiscent of sealess foam, and from this staggering height tangled by an impossible metaphor Liz mind flailed with the power of a spinning meteorite.

"But this fucker is somehow on the same level!"

“And yet, you masturbate to both, sad.”

“If that where my hill to die on I would never have sex with you, Marcie.”

“Scathing...we should return to the main plot. After her escape from the Mistress, Liz meets the Governess.”

“Who acts exactly as you expect someone with that title to act. At least she gives Liz a room and new clothes."

“I am not sure you can call a bunch of coins around your chest, clothes.”

“Whatever, it's hot. I also like the teeth outfit.”

“I probably should be aware of this by now, but...you have weird tastes, Gina.”

“Look, I just..ugh...I like this fucking setup alright? Having to participate in sexy gladiator games, winning a prize if you win or getting a penalty for losing. This shit is hot as fuck!”

"My Gina, so you like wrestling after all."

“I don't! I want sexy gladiator games with weird prizes and penalties! Like that one game where you are on top of a giant tubes full of water and you get pelted with balloons and then your seats vibrates when you get hit and when you cum you fall in the water, like holy shit! That's fucking hot! Can we got there? I want to go there, Marcie."

"You do...realize this is a story, right?"

"So? Your just scared I would kick your ass."

“...I must apologize. This is one of these reviews in which Gina only speaks trough her vagina."

“You're the one that's weird. Shouldn't you be all over this sort of femdom? Don't tell me you now need a sissy boy to get off."

“Hardly. But unfortunately, the prose is too flowery for me to engage in carnal acts. I prefer writing that is cool and analytical, like myself.”

“Yeah, right.”

“But I am very happy that lines such as...”

The unknown thing was smooth and wet, thus it easily worked its way through Liz's Straight of Gibralter

“...are doing it for you, Gina.”

“Look, Marcie. I'm not sure how often I have to tell you this. Just because the writing is cringe doesn't mean I can't get off to it.”

“Also, it is Gibraltar, author.”

“Sadly, that's about all there is to the story, I want to read more!”

“Well, it appears at least so far the author is updating fairly regularly. Perhaps too regularly. A slower pace might help him actually proofread his script.”

“Why the fuck does this not have more likes? Every fucking my sister has giant dick story gets like 20 likes, minimum. This shit is actually good! Go read this, you stupid fucks!”

“I suppose it is decently written. If you can stomach the atrocious grammar and offensively grandiose vernacular."

"Liz is great. Pirates are sexy. Especially female pirates. Then there is the setting which is super sexy as well. So you have sexy pirates and a sexy setting. I don't fucking get it. Why doesn't this have more views?"

“Gina, Gina, Gina, the readers here care little for all this fluff. They want to cuff their carrot and in order to do so, all this flowery prose gets in the way.”

"Not for me, Marcie. And I have excellent taste."

"Hm, aside from my obvious complaints, the title is very bland."

"Right? When I first read this I thought this story would suck!"

"The cover image, well it's not bad but it doesn't really pop and the tag line "Battle babes acting cheesy and sexy for guests" really doesn't do a good job in selling it either."

"Don't use cheesy in a sex story. Cheese is not sexy. It's the unsexiest food of all time."

"The about section is too long. Having your category as science fiction is a questionable decision as well. Tags are used at least, but too niggardly. Good lord, this guy is hilariously inept when it comes to presentation. It is actually kinda cute, but mostly just sad."

"Fix your shit, Ted! Your marketing sucks as much as your name!"

"Alright, this might be a bit presumptuous of me, but this poor sap is completely out of his depth. Be grateful, author, for here is Marcie's presentation overhaul!"

Title: Pirate Purgatory

Blurb: Conquering hell, one slut at a time

Category:Lesbian

About: Pirate Captain Elizabeth gets send to hell and will have to atone for her sins by humiliating herself.

"That is very presumptuous, Marcie."

"Thank you. Well, it is more supposed to be a template. I assure you though that with this, the views will at least double. Of course that is just half the battle, but it will get the Gina's of the world to look at it."

"There are lots of us!"

"And with this I believe we are just about done here. Any closing remarks, Gina?"

"Hmm...I really want to do a follow up on this,.."

"Say something encouraging then."

"Alright, listen up her Ted, you fuck. I like this, so you better not stop writing because of low likes or some shit, or I am going to fuck you up. I am not joking, ask Sarckle. He thought to be a wise guy and stop writing a story I enjoy."

"Very encouraging."

"Fuck you, Sarckle!"