Lupin, Lupin, Lupin, Lupin, Lupin

“Well, Gina, I have good news and bad news.”

“…”

“The good news is that we are almost done with this sudden surge of submissions. There is only one left.”

“The bad news is that the finale is from fucking Unkown!”

“Did you have to ruin the joke like this, Gina?”

“Yes.”

“Whelp, it has been quite a while and we have received an answer chapter to our first review, so I feel it is our duty to address that one first.”

“Ugh, I so don’t fucking feel like it.”

“Me neither Gina, let us just pick one thing and call it a day.”

Van Helsing: "It's in the tags."

“Ok, so last review we rightfully complained about the absurd amount of spanking in this story, to which this bitch responded that spanking is in the tags.”

“On the surface level, this is an appropriate retort. There is indeed quite a few spanking related tags fixed to this story. The issue however arises with how disproportionate spanking is featured. Since spanking sex scenes are by far the majority, this aspect of the story should be highlighted, lest the reader feels themselves bamboozled.”

“Unkown has since changed the tag line, so she agrees with us anyways. Ugh, can we just start?”

“By all means.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Alright, last we left off, Caleb and friends were just about to board the train from the big bad.”

“Things don’t go as planned. Useless shit that he is, Caleb gets himself captured. Oh, and here’s a fun quiz for the readers. What do you think is the very first sex related thing of this follow up? COME ON, GUESS!”

Pretorius hands her cane to Moran. "Beat him until he cums."

"Understood." Moran says. She whacks my ass with the cane.

I cry out as I feel the cane smack my bare ass.

"If you want that to stop, you better cum." Pretorius.

“From this small excerpt you may get the impression that this is supposed to be humorous. Like haha the bad guys think beating him will make him climax faster. I assure you, this is absolutely meant to be taken straight. And Caleb does end up climaxing in the end from getting whacked by a cane.”

“Yeah, great, Marcie.”

"My name is Helrock Sholmes. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Who knows it our meeting is through chance or necessity... When I saw you at the station, I noticed you were suspicious." Sholmes says. "And when I overheard your conversation, I was certainly surprised to learn that you were planning a bold **** plot."

“So, we are going with the spoof name here. Although I do want to point out that it is Herlock not Helrock. If you are spoofing, at least spoof properly.”

“Who cares, Caleb eventually gets rescued and they abandon the mission, which the entire story, the entire fifty chapters so far have been built up towards!”

“But the Caleb Gang has bigger worries. Chiefly, money. As it turns out, living in a massive mansion does cost a lot of money and they are broke. Not almost broke. No completely out of money. Thus, we undertake another sidequest. This one is vampire hunting related.”

The next day, the ferry leaves the docks.

We are headed for the place Dracula II is waiting for us. In my previous life, I had no clue where Transylvania was a map. The following day, we arrive in Paris, and take the Orient Express.

According to Van Helsing, we will travel through Munich, Austria and Hungary. We get off the train in Budapest and catch another train to Transylvania, but the second train won't take us all the way there as the mountains are too remote for rail, so we will get a carriage to take us the rest of the way there.

“Alright, you fucking imbeciles. Another quiz. How did these broke ass bitches afford, the traveling expenses for their cross continental journey? Is it a) they travel as stowaways b) Nemo invents a money printer or c) the whore themselves out for spankings.”

“Hmmm…”

“Times up: The answer is d) fuck you! This never gets explained.”

“Dracula turns out to be another cute girl. This one is a tsundere. So, after beating her they take her home with them. Of course, they are not handing her over for a bounty.”

“So, once again, THIS WAS FUCKING POINTLESS.”

“But it does not matter. Since Lupin suddenly ends up with a large amount of money anyways, instantly ending their money related problems. Delightful.

“Ugh, more boring breakfast scenes! We already talked about all of this last time!”

“Yes, and I think Unkown added more of them just out of spite. This time the focus is on their newest addition."

"She hasn't appeared for breakfast again... I am worried about her condition." Doreen says.

"She seems to be eating. The plates I take up to her room are always cleared off." I say. "I'm planning to take this morning's meal to her room again."

“SHE’S A FUCKING VAMPIRE! SHE DOESN’T EAT FOOD!”

“Hm yes, Dracy is a vampire but has zero characteristics of vampires. And that is no hyberbole. There is not a single vampire trait in her. It is actually downright impressive. If the author had a sense of humor she could lampshade how non-vampire like Dracula is. But, alas.”

“But you know Marcie. It doesn’t even fucking matter, because unkown clearly had no idea what the hell to do with this bitch, so the vampire girl stops mattering after her introduction.”

“Ah, character bloat...the bane of most authors.”

“But don’t worry, a next pointless problem presents itself quickly.”

I wonder if something big has happened. I'm curious, so I look at the paper. The headline makes me gasp the moment I see it clearly. "'Violent Terrorist Victoria Frankenstein Attempts Bombing Passenger Train'?!"

“What a horrid Headline let me show you how it is done: Terrible Terrorist torpedo's traveling train.”

“What about the name of the perpetrator, Marcie?”

“Irrelevant.”

“And the bombing?”

“Torpedo is close enough.”

“Which means, the next stupid sidequest is about clearing their name. They decide to pay the King a visit and **** him into submission.”

“King Victor to be exact.”

“Grrrrr, that name is already enough to piss me of!”

A new figure appears from around the corner as if waiting for a cue. "Long time no see, gentleman. I'm glad you aren't hurt." Holmes says.

“Speaking of names that tick one off. Unkown suddenly decided that she wants to go with Holmes instead of Sholmes.”

“What the fuck is Holmes deal even? She’s as useless as the rest of this bitches.”

“Holmes is a bit wasted, I agree.”

“They use their weird helicopter thing and land were the King gives a speech or something.”

"Two years ago, Your Highness." Victoria says.

"Two years? Is that all? I feel as if it was decades ago." Victor says.

"I came with to negotiate with you." Victoria says.

"Don't look so angry. What is this about?" Victor asks.

“This has to be on purpose, right?”

“I can never tell with her.”

“Things work out with the King because of course they do. Next they have to take part in some airship race to get coordinates for the hideout of the big bad or something.”

“I do not think that is quite right, Gina.”

“Marcie, I zoned out of this story by the time we went to Dracula. So, they arrive at the race track with Caleb naked for some reason and spank him in front of everyone.”

The sound of her hand connecting with my skin echoes through the crowd, and I can feel the heat spreading across my face.

The spanking continues for several minutes, and I can feel my heart racing as the pain and pleasure mix together.

As Victoria's hand continues to spank me, I can feel my body begin to tense up.

“This is what I call fluff writing. These are words that you might expect in a spanking scene and when you just glace over them, they are fine. But take a moment and actually read it and you realize just how little anything here holds up.”

“So anyways, we’re having a race airship battle. More random villains show up, because we need more of them.”

“Now, I will give credit, this whole sequence is actually somewhat entertaining. From an airship piloted by Zombies to Nemo shooting Caleb and Helsing out of a cannon ball to raid the enemy. This segment is the closest approximation to joy I experienced from reading anything unkown had ever produced.”

“Probably the lack of spanking for once. Don’t get used to it. Nemo gets spanked immediately after the race.”

Nemo's moans grow louder, and we all freeze, unsure of what to think. Suddenly, Nemo stops moving altogether. "Why did you stop?" she asks, her voice breathless.

"This was supposed to be a punishment for firing us out the cannon." Van Helsing says.

Van Helsing and I exchange surprised looks. We had never considered that the punishment we had improvised could have brought Nemo pleasure.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! After all this time were you basically living in some degenerate Spanking Polycule, you’re telling me that shit was not supposed to be sexual?”

“It is rather hard to believe. All these spanking scenes really only make sense if everybody gets some sort of sexual gratification out of it. If they do not, and this is actually genuinely supposed to be punishment...”

“Holy fuck, like we skipped over some of this shit, like Dracy getting spanked or everyone getting spanked for utterly bullshit reasons BECAUSE we thought that was just their version of getting it off. But if that’s not the case and it was actually supposed to be a punishment then this is fucking DEMENTED!”

“It also makes Caleb even more unlikable. I think you need to move him on your rating, Gina.”

“Yeah, yeah, bah. So group gets some clue about some bullshit and they head to a graveyard or something and then blah blah blah. We reached the most recent chapter, so who cares?”

“Hm, it certainly looks like you are at your limit, Gina.”

“Fuck, yes! I mean, this is not the worst shit from Unkown I ever read, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.”

“There are some improvement in certain areas yes. But also her inability for polish is still very apparent.”

"Be more response with the money."

but there is still a long journey ahead bye carriage.

"What are you doing to do to that girl?"

"Nemo. You were questioning why Dracula II was do strong?"

When she is here, in this place, she wonders how it feels to be a god. To be supplant God.

Stop being value and give us an example.

"Leave that to me. In true Lupin form, I'll call his buff." Victoria says.

“Good thing I just skim over the text. I didn’t even notice these.”

“Understandable. And I believe we can stop here.”

“Good.”

“What else is there to say?”

“Nothing because we are done.”

“Gina, please. We have to end this with some sort of witty banter.”

“Then do the banter that is witty so we can fucking leave!”

“I actually think this segment showed some promise. It is held back by numerous poor decisions but I would not call these chapters horrible. Good? Hardly. But it lacks the usual obnoxious vitriol that tends to be found in unkown’s works. Instead, there is some entertainment to be found. In fact, I would go as far as say this is the best I have ever read from her.”

“But if you read our other reviews on her stuff, you better believe this is a very low bar to limbo through.”

“Would it not be a high bar, Gina?”

“What?”

“Because...”

“FUCK OFF!”