Luke, Andrew's good friend

Luke was busy playing a game when he heard a knock on his dorm door. Pausing the game momentarily, he got up and checked through the peep hole to see who was there. On the other side of the door stood Andrew, a good friend of his. Opening the door, Luke greeted him with, "Hey, man. What's up?"

"Well," Andrew began, following Luke into the dorm and shutting the door behind himself. "I, uhh, I kind of fucked up -- like big time -- and I don't know what to do."

Luke turned back around to face Andrew with a quizzical expression. "Well, what did you do? And are you expecting me to help?"

"I... uhh," started Andrew wearily. "I think I discovered a new potion."

Surprised and even more puzzled than before, Luke said, "That's... usually a good thing, isn't it? You can like get honors for discovering new stuff like that. Why is that a fuck-up?" Suddenly, something dawned on Luke. "Woah, woah! If you're about to tell me about how you just accidentally turned a professor into a rat or something, I don't want to be a part of it! I'm going for the Kaplan honor society, and I can't be messing around with mischievous experiments!"

"No, no! It's nothing like that," Andrew assured him before falling silent.

After a few moments, Luke got impatient. "Then... what exactly is the issue?"

With a great sigh and a visible amount of effort, Andrew finally spit it out. "I made my dick fall off."