Lois & Blaze read "Something They Will All Regret" by TheLeherengin, Part 3

"Maybe it's the lack of sexytimes on our part," Blaze said, as she stood up and stretched. "Or maybe it's the tone of the story, which is less tongue-in-cheek than most, but it's more difficult to take the piss on this story. We're just all so...serious."

"I think it's that, but I also think it's...the nature of our reviews," Lois mused, as she clicked through to the next chapter. "It's really not about trying to tear the author down. Sure, we poke fun at a bit of ridiculousness or bad prose, but we also emphasize and highlight the parts of the story we like, whatever that might be. But we're not saying 'TheLeherengin, what a fucking edgelord!' It's just the story that's not our cup of tea."

Lois sighed and sank down in her chair. Blaze's hands came to rest lightly on her shoulders, and this time Lois didn't tell her to stop.

"Like, the whole revelation that Doom can make potent potions is...very much a LitRPG thing. They love to find exploits around magic. Except that it doesn't tend to be very interesting, and before this little desert-XP-farming-arc, potions hadn't really played a key part in the setting. Characters in-character talking about what level they are just comes across as offputting unless it is done very carefully; you don't have characters in Dungeons & Dragons announce their character level and hitpoints. So if you're going to do that, it's important to set it up ahead of time, work it into the story at the setting level. Rather like ErfWorld, and I'm probably dating myself with that reference."

"Positivity, sweetmeat," Blaze said as her fingers squeezed the reporter's shoulders gently.

"The writing isn't bad. I know I've said that before, but so many stories on CHYOA are written badly, it's worth mentioning that having basically competent prose that gets most of the punctuation and spelling correct is almost an achievement. But beyond the basics, the descriptions are descriptive, the dialogue isn't tedious. I think the length of the chapters is part of what makes this feel like such a slog. The pacing is off. Normally, ideally, a chapter should encapsulate a single idea or scene, or at least that part of a scene that leads to a decision. But there are no choices to make in this entire fucking story, except for that one loop where we apparently were supposed to read all three, so instead it's just one long scene after another and things happen, but the pacing is...it feels glacial, even when things happen, because you get these big paragraphs then lots of talking then more big paragraphs then more talking, and..."

"Positive," Blaze reminded her, and squeezed a bit harder.

"Doom hasn't **** anybody in a while," Lois said. "Not until he springs his trap. It was actually kind of refreshing. Like, he doesn't feel any particular glee out of **** people. Normally when you have a rapefic, there's a certain focus on the psychology of **** and the victim, the dynamic they establish. Most rapists are more focused on power than a sudden and **** need to get their rocks off; some are opportunists, sure, but if your average dude comes across a passed out chick at a party he isn't just going to pop a boner and **** their every holes. Doom is supposed to be this serial killer type, but the **** o'clock aspect doesn't seem to actually do anything for him as much as the pain and suffering he inflicts. Which is something that could be explored, but mostly...isn't."

"Well, at least the victims don't enjoy it," Blaze said, and wrinkled her nose. "That's the other half of the fucked-up rapefic dynamic, and one we've played with. The pain, the shame, the degradation and the men and women that get off on it. The people that are so kinky they like to be the victim, get off on the loss of control, end up reveling in their shame. Not really any of that yet."

"Give it time," Lois predicted. "Lot of chapters left to go."

So they read on in silence for a while.

Then they hit the end of the current chapters.

Lois frowned. "Okay, I swore when we looked at the current story map, this thing had, like 170+ chapters."

They checked the story map.

"Different author, different branch," Blaze grunted. "Any insights on that last handful of chapters?"

"The pregnancy kink in the dungeon really did not last that long at all, in hindsight," Lois admitted. "But on the bright side, TheLeherengin now has feedback, to ignore or incorporate as he chooses. Go for it man! Tell the story you want to tell! Zero guarantees we're ever going to come back to this one, but maybe in another fifty chapters."

"Thank you for not giving game mechanics for the sex," Blaze added. "I didn't need Doom to get a +1 to damage for every spike on his penis, and you managed to avoid that. Not everyone has that restraint."

"Actually, I have no idea how sex and magic work together in this game either," Lois said. "So that's a fertile field for future development. Does healing magic accelerate pregnancies? Is there an abortion spell? Can healing potions be used in conjunction with **** for some really audaciously nasty Hellraiser-esque **** shenanigans?"

"Please stop giving them ideas, sweetmeat," Blaze said, and began to massage the reporter's neck. "You're so tense. Now that the review is over, why don't we take off these shirts, and we can..."

So they did.