Locker Room Talk

How the fuck are you supposed to give advice about that!?

…

Why is he not talking? Explain Chad! Explain! Stop letting that sentence breathe!

“Uh~ I’m not sure how I can help with that.” you finally say, the awkward silence killing you.

“Wow. You’re a good dude, bro. I was waiting for you to laugh. Most dudes die laughing when I tell them that.” Chad admits as to why he didn’t continue that sentence immediately. You want to ask him how many guys he has asked for advice only to blindside them with that statement.

“The size of your dick is none of my concern, Chad; and it’s nothing you can control anyway. So I don’t find it funny… but please tell me how I can help you with that, and please make it make sense.” you tell him, a bit flustered at the information he just shared with you.

“Nah, that’s not the part I need help with.” Chad replies.

THEN WHY FUCKING BRING IT UP!?

“I need advice on how to introduce a third party to a relationship. I thought you’d be the perfect guy to ask since you have multiple girlfriends. So you must’ve had that talk with them already.” Chad tells you, and you’re still confused as to why he would lead with telling you he has a small dick.

“Well, it was Cassie who wanted me to actually explore my feelings for Tanya too, when we got together. Well, I guess her and Stella, but Stella wasn’t my girlfriend at the time… okay, none of that matters. What I’m saying is, they were the ones that were okay with it, and the ones that got me to consider it. If you’re planning to introduce someone else into your relationship, the only course of action I can advise is to ask them honestly if that’s something they would want, and accept whatever answer they’ll give you.” you answer him.

“I do that, bro. It’s usually after I ask them that they think I’m a weirdo and I never talk to them again.” Chad reveals.

“Well, that’s not really a surprise. Most people’s idea of relationships is monogamy. Hell, I never thought I’d be in a polyamorous relationship myself a week ago; but telling them the truth is better than cheating on them.” you tell him.

“Oh, I’m not the one who’s going to cheat on them. Well, technically, they won’t be cheating since I’ll be there when they do it.” Chad tells you, and you are way more confused in this conversation now than you were earlier.

“You have to explain that part, Chad. I didn’t quite get that.” you tell him as politely as you could, but you really are having a headache with all this weird bits of information he’s giving you without the proper structure to make them make sense for you.

“Oh, sorry. Well, like I said I have a tiny dick…”

Please, GOD, let that information actually be crucial.

“So I’ve had problems pleasuring chicks who don’t feel anything in their vagenes after they’ve had big black cocks, or white dicks that are black cock sized, or they’ve stuffed too many vibrators in there that a normal dick just doesn’t do it anymore, or—”

“Chad!”

“Right, right. Anyway, that’s been going on for a while, and I had a girl I dated that got me into watching other dudes fuck her as a way to compromise. I was against it at first, bro. Like that’s so beta, bro! BUT THEN! She explained it to me like it was just watching porn bro... and it was! But way~ better, bro. She explained it like, I was still the alpha in the room because it’s still me she’s thinking of. It’s still me who she wants to make cum. I was like, hell yeah~! Since my dick couldn’t make them cum, it was so good to watch them still get that dickbrain face while thinking about me. Like I was the one fucking them. My tiny dick stopped being a ‘we’ problem, but just a ‘me’ problem, that’s not really a problem since I can still get off with my hand. Then there’s the hype of finding a dude who is openly attracted to a chick that I could be banging myself if steroids didn’t ruin my dick size, you know? Like ‘Yeah, bro! I’m such a pimp!’. Anyway, finding a girl that’s open to it’s been hard. Whenever I bring it up they call me a cuck and I stop talking to them for insulting me. Most of the time now, I tell them about it as soon as I see ‘em ‘mirin just to see if they’ll call me a cuck or not. I’m not a cuck! I don’t know why asking her to fuck another dude in front of me would make me a cuck. I’m a-uh~, what’s the word? It’s something fancy in French. Anyway, that’s always been my problem. I can occasionally find girls that would do it to start off, but they always break up with me after a while. What do you think I could do differently, bro? If it was one of your girlfriends you want to watch fuck another dude, how would you ask them to do it?” Chad asks, as a conclusion to his stream of consciousness. You didn’t want to interrupt so that he couldn’t go off on another tangent that could have led you to not understanding what he was trying to say in its entirety.

Okay. So Chad’s a cuck that hates being called a cuck and thinks he’s only being a voyeur. He thinks your relationship with your girlfriends is anywhere near the kind of relationship he wants to have because there’s multiple people involved, and that’s why he’s asking you how to go about introducing a third party to fuck a girl he likes…

HOW THE FUCK DO I GIVE HIM ADVICE ABOUT THAT!?

The panic is probably obvious on your face right now, as you have no clue how to handle this uniquely delicate situation. This man you barely know has openly admitted to a personal issue, and is coming to you for help. Help you have no idea how you can provide.

“Chad, I don’t think I can give you any advice about handling... that, since I personally don’t have any experience with a, uh… voyeuristic relationship—” “That’s it! That was the fancy word I was looking for!” “—Plus, I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable seeing my girlfriends with another man.” you admit to him.

“Oh, you have a ‘one dick policy’, bro? That’s too bad. You’re missing out on gangbang porn; hoes double fisting cocks; DPPs, DAPs, blowbangs—” Chad started listing all the ‘stuff’ you’re missing out on.

“That being said…” you say to cut Chad’s stream of consciousness off. “If my situation can be applied to yours in any way, it starts with your partner. You have to find someone who’s actually going to be into… that, and the rest is about making sure the relationship isn’t all just about… that. It’s not impossible to find someone who’s into what you’re into. You already mentioned someone else awakened it in you. Although, maybe they don’t know French and confuse what you’re into with cucking. Maybe try to explain it, and if they say it’s different, maybe listen to what they think cucking is first, before you take it as an insult. Also, remember that relationships aren’t built on your fetishes or kinks, they’re built on liking each other and being supportive of each other. So maybe find a girl that’s supportive of you first, and maybe then ask them about it. If they’re not into it, but you like each other, there are other ways to satisfy a woman.” you tell him, but it seems he only got the last part.

“Oh yeah, bro! I know! I eat dat pussy like a ‘lesbians’!” Chad declares, before simulating licking pussy in the air; and then laughing, amused at himself. It’s nice he’s a lot more comfortable being himself around you, but you’re not sure you’re exactly comfortable with him. “But there’s only so much my mouth can do, bro; and I should be the one asking her ‘what dat mouth do?’ instead of her asking me. Besides, watching them get plowed by somebody else gets me harder than anything else. I don’t even get hard if it’s just me.” Chad admits.

TMI, Chad! T-M-FUCKING-I!

“Anyway, I’ll do what you suggested and see if she likes me first before I bring it up, and maybe educate her on the proper terminology. What’s the word you used again?” Chad asks you.

“Oh, I think it would be better to just agree to disagree on that part, Chad. Don’t take being called a cuck an insult, if how they understand it is what you want to do anyway. Just make sure you’re on the same page.” you advise him.

“Right, right. Got it, bro. Thanks for this. By the way, you think this girl’s open to that sort of thing?” Chad takes out his phone to show you a photo.

“I can’t tell just by how they look, Chad.” you answer him honestly.

“Aw, sucks. I thought you could tell since you’re surrounded by shortys all the time, bro. Like me. Since my brother’s gay, my gaydar is off the charts. I even knew he was gay before he came out. It’s all good though. Not everyone can have that fifth sense like me. She’s hot though right?” Chad asks you.

“Yeah, she’s pretty hot.” you answer him honestly.

“Yeah, bro. I see you ‘mirin.” Chad replies with a proud chuckle. “I saw her on a dating app and immediately used my Super Swipe to let her know she’s super hot. Anyway, I’ll follow your advice and see if she’s into my French thing, but only after I know she likes me and will be supportive. If she calls me a cuck, I won’t get angry as long as what she means is what I think being a French guy is like. Right? Did I get everything?” Chad asks you to confirm.

“Yeah, I think you did.” you answer him truthfully, even though it was a struggle to understand what he meant at times.

“Alright, cool. I have a date with her tonight and I hope it goes well.” Chad tells you.

“Cool. Oh! Where are you taking her by the way?” you ask him, seeing a possible opportunity to support one of your friends.

“I’m taking her to this place called Lendraught Top Chair. Fancy French place. Perfect to discuss my French with her. Know what I’m saying?” Chad answers you, and you assume he’s talking about L’endroit Trop Cher, the place you brought Tanya to on your first date that she didn’t enjoy.

“Hey, I’ve been there. My date didn’t like that place. Try Pho Hoa instead. It’s a new Vietnamese place. It’s foodie recommended, and I tried it there with my girlfriends, and we all loved it.” you tell him, before spelling out the name of Viv’s restaurant so he won’t have a problem googling it.

“Oh! Cool bro! I’m going to impress her with how trendy I am. Finger on the pulse! Thanks for looking out! When’s the next time you’re coming to the gym, bro?” Chad reacts positively.

“Wednesday, why?” you ask him.

“I’ll tell you all about my date! I’ll tell you if it’s good; and ask you for more advice if it doesn't work out, and you can tell me if I did something wrong.” Chad tells you.

“Oh, okay. Cool. Good luck tonight, Chad.” you tell him.

Chad leaves the locker room excited, and you finally get to change and leave the locker room yourself after having a mentally exhausting conversation with Chad.

“What took you so long!?” your daughter Stella asks you in annoyance.