Lindsey and Susan read Squirtle

"Okay, so this a Pokemon fanfic called Pokesluts" said Lindsey, "and this branch is called Squirtle"

"This won't involve fucking Pokemon, will it?" asked Susan.

"Marcie and Gina already made that gag"

READING IN PROGRESS

"So in this universe, female Pokemon trainers get **** when they lose Pokemon battles" said Susan.

"It raises the question of why any girl would take up this career at all" said Lindsey.

"Apparently Amber is doing it to honour her father"

"And aren't trainers like ten years old"

"Amber seems to be 18"

READING THE ACTUAL SQUIRTLE CHAPTERS IN PROGRESS

"So Amber picks Squirtle" said Susan.

"Sarckle has ruined Professor Oak" said Lindsey, "he was never a pervert. This is completely out of character. Same with Blue. He might have been a jerk but he was not a ****!"

"This version of Blue is what you would get if Marcie, Gina, Rina and Marel all had a sex change and then did a fusion dance"

As you start towards the door you hear Professor Oak mumbling, “I guess it’s just you and me, my little lizard friend.”

"Did Oak just **** the Charmander?" asked Susan, "this story is about fucking Pokemon"

"I hope not" said Lindsey, "Blue challenges Amber to a Pokemon battle and apparently Amber can't refuse despite the price she'll pay if she loses. Unfortunately, she loses and Blue rapes her"

"After being brutally ****, Amber tries to get help from the Pokemon Lab but they're jerking off to pictures Blue sent of her being spanked and ****"

"I decided to ask the one guy who didn't seem to be a perv"

"It turned out he was a perv, though not as bad as Oak or Blue. After that, Amber manages to catch a Poochyena and names her Runt before arriving in Veridian City"

"Amber gets her first Pokemon victory and Runt bites the loser's ass. The loser later gets his friends, looking to **** Amber"

"Honestly, Rina and Marel both could do with being sent to this world"

"Amber sensibly decides to blow the PokeMart guy for protection" said Lindsey, "however Tim is a dumbass for taking a blowjob while on the job. It is very unprofessional behaviour"

"I think he should be fired for that" said Susan.

"So after all that, Amber has her Pokemon healed and gets a room for the night"

"I like Runt, she's funny and adorable"

"It was obvious that the old man's lesson would probably involved getting **** so I just rushed to the Viridian forest. Somehow a Joltik had latched itself onto Amber all day without her noticing. And how did Amber just forget she was topless?"

"Well, this the same person who thought it would be a good idea to become a Pokemon trainer in a world where female trainers get ****"

"We are also introduced to a new character at this point" said Lindsey.

“My name’s John and Amber, I was thinking about hanging out and chatting over dinner"

"His name is both John and Amber?" asked Susan.

"Its definitely bad grammar" said Lindsey, "I know this is low hanging fruit but considering this guy just stated that his name is also Amber... Also, I think Amber might be a pervert herself"

"I do like John, he seems like a nice guy"

"Did we just get a consensual sex scene in this story? With a man? I'm surprised Roger didn't **** Amber either"

"Yeah, for a moment I thought this story might have been written by Engin using another account but if there's a male character not committing ****, it can't be Engin that wrote this. Whats Tingle?"

"I think it might be the setting's equivalent to Tinder" said Lindsey.

"After Amber makes it to Pewter City, she has lesbian sex with someone who's head Blue had shaved"

"Sarckle has definitely exaggerated Blue"

"I think we've established the authors of Pokesluts are not going for video game/anime accuracy here"

“Welcome, young trainer. I’m Brock, and I’ll show you my rock-hard willpower.”

Susan giggled at the innuendo.

"Rock-hard willpower" she said.

"Okay, this is where we end part 1" said Lindsey.

"Well, its off to a decent start" said Susan, "hopefully this story doesn't end with Amber making Blue a Karma Houdini while throwing his victims under the bus"

"Yes, never do what Gambio does"

"Except consume food and water"

"Obviously, I did not mean-"

"And breath air"

"I don't mean literally everything Gambio does"

"Until next time, readers"