Lilith's Fling with Cursed Items, by LaudnaWrites

“I HATE IT!”

“Gina, please. You have yet to read a single word.”

“I don’t even need to, Marcie. Not after that disgusting cover image!”

“I perhaps should have seen this coming.”

“Yeah!”

“But from my understanding this story is actually not about a futanari.”

“No, because it’s about a fucking dickgirl demon!”

“Gina, if you just give me one second to explain…”

“Not that I have a choice!”

Lilith's Fling with Cursed Items, by LaudnaWrites is about a Tiefling getting her hands on cursed items. They have varied effect. The cover images was just one of many examples.”

“THEN WHY THE FUCK GO WITH A DICKEXAMPLE, YOU FUCK!”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

Gamzo - The goblin bard, a cheeky and reckless young woman. Gamzo used to be a member of a travelling band but was kicked out for sleeping around too much and missing their concerts. She has bright orange eyes, sharp teeth, a sprout of blue hair that makes up a wild mohawk, and gold earrings that line her long and bat-like ears. She had D-cup breasts that make her seem wider than she is short, standing at 3'8''.

“You’re not expecting me to remember any of that shit, are you?”

“We are off to a swell start as the author starts the first chapter with a description of the party members we are presumably following. A grand total of six characters, which is about double the amount the average reader can retain.”

“Alright, let’s get it out of the way early, Marcie. Bitch about the names.”

Lilith

Miletus

Gamzo

Ralif

Puck

Alvoss

“Under normal circumstances, these names would be fine. They do not break any of my established rules. However…”

“Yes, get on with it.”

“Only Lilith and perhaps Puck have names that stand out. The rest have that typical generic fantasy name timbre to them. That would be fine, if the group was smaller. However, with such a large main cast, merely adequate is not cutting it.”

“Lets just hope it won’t be as bad as the shit cow guy pulls with his billion characters.”

“Compounding the issue is that they are all different races and gender. Their names should reflect that, which safe for the two exceptions is simply not the case.”

“Ok, Marcie that’s very cool. Now that all the bitching is out the way, we should start the story proper.”

“You may go right ahead.”

“I would but holy fuck that are a lot of choices.”

“Indeed, we usually are not exactly spoiled for choice here, so it is nice when an author actually takes advantage of CHYOA’s main gimmick. Which path do you wish to pick, Gina?”

“THE SLIME ONE!”

“Alright, alright.”

“Ok, we cut off all the dweebs and are down to Lilith and Goblin Girl ransacking a basement in search for a Dragon Egg.”

“So I guess you could say they are on a...Dragon Quest.”

“Yeah sure.”

“Starting us out with just two characters was a prudent choice. That means this author is not entirely incompetent.”

“They want to find the egg for some Wizard or something. Whatever! Lilith ends up with a slime curse! And turns into a slime girl!”

“You seem excited.”

“THIS IS HOT AS FUCK!”

“Yes, yes, Gina. We all know you like slime girls.”

“Slime girls are awesome!”

“That is nice, Gina. Can we move on?”

“Ok, so since she’s a slime girl now, the goblin can form her in whatever she wants to!”

“Which she does because goblins are, well, goblins.”

“Hmm...we get to choice what to do with Lilith. Sadly the choices are pretty lame. No option to turn her into a Shark.”

“...yes, I suppose I have to give you the privilege of choice again, Gina.”

“Lets go with the tits and tummy option, that sounds fun.”

“...are you sure?”

“Absolutely!”

“Alright.”

“…”

“…”

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

“I told you, Gina.”

“WHY IS SHE SUDDENLY FAT? THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANTED!”

“You clicked on the option that had tummy in it. What did you expect would happen?”

“Something different!”

“Well, fortunately for Gina, there is not a terrible focus on the weight gain.”

“Yeah, it’s more a weird pregnancy thing with the Dragon Egg. Not that this is much better.”

“Perhaps we need to explain. In order to smuggle the Dragon Egg out of town, they insert it into Lilith and pretend that she is heavily pregnant.”

“Great, I dodged the dickgirl only to end up with pregnancy fetish.”

“If you are that cranky about it, we could go back and choose a different path.”

“Never!”

“Very well. After duping the guards and escaping the city we are then introduced to some of the other party members.”

“Meh, don’t care about them. I like the goblin.”

“The introduction of these additional characters happens to be a fairly trivial affair. I suppose that is the issue when you have so many branches. You do not want to constantly retread the same ground but that also means these characters are now just there without leaving much of an impact.”

"Do you think I should cover up?" She asked, deciding to tease the poor boy.

"Oh! I mean- if you want- I don't- you can wear whatever- I'm not- I just thought-" He stammered adorably.

Lilith giggled, "That would be lovely, thank you Alvoss." She answered with a smile, he smiled back.

"I'll see what we have in the luggage."

“Some of this chapters are rather brief. This for example is short enough to make it on our top ten shortest chapter list but that is not the case for all the chapters. It is rather annoying.”

“I like short chapters, means we at least get through this slop fast.”

“I just feel authors should strive for some consistency. Each chapter should roughly have the same length. Some exceptions are of course warranted but here length appears to be all over the place.”

“Yeah, yeah, so after some more road trip adventurers in which Lilith gets fucked in more ways then one, the group eventually manages to bring the egg back to some druids.”

“Lilith gives birth…”

“Don’t call it that!”

“And everything ends on a happy note. The End.”

“That ended surprisingly uncomplicated.”

“Indeed. Perhaps a tad TOO uncomplicated. If you know what I mean.”

“I don’t.”

“Let me explain, Gina. Developments in this story are too fluidly. There are challenges, such as soldiers checking them, yes, but matters never truly go awry. Rather then actual problems the characters experience mild inconveniences.”

“Meh. You’re exaggerating.”

“Hardly, this story misses a certain amount of spice. An edge.”

“Slimes don’t have edges.”

“For example, we skipped over it but there is a patrol later were a female half-elf knight inspects the carriage the group is using to escape. This is the second time an inspection happened and it is mostly a retread of the first time. What if instead of things going off so smoothly the captain gets suspicious and a fight breaks out? Naturally the good guys win, ah but then they can not simply let the captain go, so instead they strip her and **** her to come along as their sex ****.”

“That last part seems kinda off, Marcie.”

“Nonsense, it would complicate matters and thus result in a more dynamic story.”

“Hmm…”

“And speaking of dynamic. Your own reaction to this has been oddly muted for a while, Gina. I was expecting you to freak out more about the slime girl.”

“Yeah….Marcie, I...I think slime girls are only doing it for me when they are actual slime girls.”

“Really.”

“This phony just doesn’t feel right! It’s just a Human in a slime skin!”

“Well, Lilith is a Tiefling.”

“Yeah sure whatever, you know what I mean.”

“I suppose.”

“I think these other dweebs showing up just annoyed me. Lilith and Gazmo had a good thing going! I wanted to see more of them!”

“On the positive side, this is one of the rare reads were we managed to pick numerous choices and follow them all the way to the end. Impressive. Usually we have to backtrack at some point.”

“Thank fuck for that.”

“Overall, I would say this story has no major flaws but also does not excel in anything. It is like a slime. Shapeless.”

“FUCK OFF!”

“But to be fair, maybe we ended up with a poor branch. Some of these other options might have been more interesting.”

“No way, Marcie! Slimes are the best!”

“Yes, yes, I believe we can end this review here. Do you have anything to add, Gina?”

“If you have a slime girl, make it an actual slime girl!”

“Words to live by.”