Leela questions her strange past

Something was happening before her eye there were two realities; she was an elite decorated captain who had helped map several dangerous quadrants over the course of her career, she was a pilot with great potential if people could look past her assets but a history of jokes about her own gravitational pull made it difficult to take her serious. All the boys would look past her for more conventionally two-eyed girls like Amy or LaBarbra. She was always rejected by her Master Fnog for being a girl and not having the will of the warrior but no she was rejected because her knockers always broke free of her bindings at the first punch and then no one noticed the pummeling.

Leela tested her chest again letting it plop onto the table with a thud spilling forward had she not worn such a once-loose-fitting shirt the motion would’ve sent a button or two through the nearest wall. It wasn’t possible though she remembered sitting down and being able to see the questionnaire, she remembered Amy said something and her chest exploded out and now everyone was acting like it didn’t even happen. Well regardless of what reality was real some things stayed consistent; she was a great pilot, she had a gelatin of the month membership and she flew off the handle when things upset her.

“Now wait just a minute I want to talk about what just happened. One minute I’m going about my life able to see my toes and do a handstand without smothering myself and the next I’m Blown Up Bimbo Barbie,“ Growing more and more frustrated with every shaking head or look of confusion she got.. Leela wanted to just grab this mound of flesh that got slapped onto her, to shake it in front of these doubters and scream, “This isn’t me! I don’t smuggle watermelons!” But she’d be on the first tube to the looney bin if they could fit a straightjacket on her.

“Ok! Leela we get it, puberty was kind to you.” Amy groaned. When her boobs came in they were buried under her rolls from being a fat kid, till her parents finally caved and got her lipo. “We all know this “interview” is some sexed up personality quiz from a sleazy magazine but you could try and show some decency for once.” Sure, in their modern age the dated concepts of modesty was now seen as innocent or cute on a good day and creepy and harmful towards women on most days and sure they'd all seen each other naked more times then she could count but to be shaking her tots left and right was pushing it.

“No! You don’t understand these just happened”, She was squeezing her melons together “we were just answering questions on this quiz and you said my breasts were huge--”

Amy chimed in “Because they are”

Leela rolled her eye “-and suddenly bam I’ve got a pair of warheads in my shirt.” Jutting her burdensome chest out “Does anyone here see the connection?” She cursed as the words left her lips she had just piece it together that it was the questions? No it was the review they were filling out? Everyone was in agreement that what she was getting at seemed nonsensical and the more she tried to think about it she couldn’t think how someone’s words changed her. “Amy say something about my girls call them small or something.”

“Fine, your “girls”-” rolling her eyes “are teeny tiny, if you were an amazonian they couldn’t fill a thimble” they waited some hoping they could move on and others hoping for a miracle. “Alright are we done?”

“No please Amy can’t you try again, and just talk about them?” Leela begged leaning in closer her breasts a few inches from her face. Maybe the connection was proximity maybe she needed to be honest but it had something maybe to do with Amy talking. With a grunt of effort Amy pushed Leela back into her chair.

“No I’m tired of this weird kink game you're playing just so you can get off if you want to feel bad about your body just talk to your parents like everyone else does. I’m sure they’d be happy to slut shame you or whatever this is,” Anger was swelling inside Amy all of the sudden as the ring twisted and ensured that Amy would answer in the negative.

“SLUT! That’s pretty rich coming from you Wong. Aren’t you the one throwing it left and right with any creature that happens to share the same space time as us?” Leela’s question hit Amy like a ton of bricks she couldn’t even remember a time she thought about sex, Kiffy was more than content to hold hands and the last time she tried to masturbate was in college she had gotten as far as sticking a finger in her butthole and any pleasure she got from it was met with twice as much disgust.

“No Leela I do not “throw it left and right” I’m with Kiff and unlike you and Fry we have an actual relationship.” Her words stung like poison. It wasn’t that she saw her friends as sex fiends but as someone who was probably asexual it was so bizarre how Leela and Fry would be kissing and hugging one week and the next Leela would be flirting with some drunk in an alien bar or Fry would be making “peace talks” with the radiator people of Radiator 5.

“Alright-” Leela thought “Amy’s lying to me now for some reason.” Clearing her throat “Ok we want to fill out our forms so let me see if I got this right you're saying you’ve only had one sexual partner?” She knew that was wrong Fry and Amy had briefly hooked up and he’d spent a long flight or two either bragging about his “conquest” or bemoaning his fate for losing her.

With a scowl Amy through gritted teeth said “No Leela I haven’t had sex with anyone Kiff and I aren’t like that. I don’t like sex all those things trying to-”She squirmed “-fill me up” She cringed as she remembered her roommate bolting in to find her in a compromising situation involving a tight hole and a stuck finger.

That wasn’t possible er well not probable While she and Amy weren’t the gal pals she had always hoped for she could still remember an occasional story about life in her sorority house or her giggling out a story about how Kiff had worked up the nerve to propose they have intercourse and before he could even finish suggesting making plans she had jumped his non-bones. “Wait Amy I don’t get why you're pretending to be some kind of saint your kids aren’t here. We all know about your flings with Bender-” She pointed to Bender lost watching some ultra porn with the speakers on “-Fry for like the one week you dated and it's not like you're shy about your body.

Amy gasped in shock at this accusation, certainly she had gone on dates before what girl with parents that needy and naggy you either get dates or get a job and that wasn’t happening. So yeah she’d go out on dates maybe a peck on the cheek, a handful of awkward groping. Nothing particularly noteworthy Fry was pretty handsy but he relented when it was clear it was making her uncomfortable. So where on earth was Leela getting this idea that she was running around throwing it out to every Tom, Dick and Grapthro. “Listen Leela just because you and Fry struggle to keep your bits where they belong doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t have some decency-” she gestured to the crew but Zoidberg was no help and Bender while not sporting genitals didn’t walk around in anything approaching clothes. “-Well me and Hermes have decency."

“Amy are you kidding me? We went to the gym like a month ago and you were strutting about the sauna without a towel on.” She remembered because once again she couldn’t find one that covered her huge chest and her cheeks, wait no she scolded herself that wasn’t right she wasn’t bending light with the gravity of her chest a month ago she had a regular normal sized chest a month ago. The trouble was the memories were coming quicker, and in one moment the two were relaxing letting the sweat drip down their flesh tickling whatever crevices it shimmied into and the next Amy had a frumpy one piece on and a towel wrapped around that. She tried to focus on what was what really happened and the results were less than ideal.

She saw herself and Amy briefly and it was her. It was the her she knew.

Fry had walked in bold as brass and sat down beside them his little fella out for all to see. It wasn't something she hadn't seen before but there was still a time and a place. Then the image seemed to shake and shudder evaporating away was this idea of Amy in the buff and instead a bright pink suit enveloped her and she had made a point to wrap even that up in a towel for the voyeurs. She was blushing like a school girl at the sight of Fry's pecker out but Leela knew, knew! That the two had paired up and knocked out a few condoms over a weekend.

But just as swiftly as this new reality had shuddered in she remembered herself. Her huge chest made it all the easier to work up a sweat, the sauna was more for her to cool off and rest her aching back for once. Just trying to get dressed with them dragging her left and right would prove a total body work out. She watched as the image in her mind's eye faded as her newly developed breasts developed into view.

With each shift and shattering of what was or what was meant to be a migraine was building behind her eye. Straining to know what was right and shake off whatever was pressing these illusions of her memory down onto her. With a deep breath she tried to think, to know the truth.

Well that certainly wasn't correct. Her head was lying to her that the Slut Princess of Mars was this demure skittish young lady who wouldn't be caught naked let alone screw her boorish ex Zapp, a tremendous tentacled beast from another dimension or Bender.

Now while he had enough sense to keep out of a cat fight what little pride Fry had was now on the line. He remembered sex with Amy whether it was humping her brains out on Venus while they waited for the tow truck or her giving him a blowjob on Neptune while he worked up the nerve to dump her. If he had just driven instead of letting Zoidberg drive he could’ve avoided their accident but no she slipped a blanket over his lap and she slipped under and began sucking like it was going out of style. He’d really wished they had avoided that accident since Amy not having a boyfriend meant she had to fall back on her “rubber exes” and she spent most nights catching back up and he had to feel everything as she tickled, teased and treated herself until she’d pass out on her vibrator. “Um Amy I know that I try not to kiss and tell but you’ve had sex before remember? You and me? You and Bender? You and Bender and me watching in the corner hoping you wouldn’t see me. You remember having a lot of sex right?”

And like that a switch had been flipped, the shy youngish lady who blushed when her husband accidentally touched her breast was dead and gone, she was back to her old self she was Amy “I didn’t say to be gentle” Wong the girl who had helped many a species boldly go where none of their kind had gone before….and if they had the stamina she’d take them there a few more times. “Yes Fry of course I remember having sex, I mean I’ve slowed down a bit since the kids have come but I still get it on” Amy brought her hand up for the high five she already knew Bender was going to offer.

A thud rung out across the room , and the crew turned to Leela grinding her fist into the table a small indent where she struck it. "No." Leela laughed "No!" even louder her whole chest shaking "No, one moment you're this uptight prude who doesn't know her way around an orgasm then woosh you change your mind. Dicks? Oh you've sucked a ton. Big fat ones?" She hefted her chest up "No they're tiny, no they're big. What's going on? No one here seems to be able to make up their mind." She shot her arm out to Amy and the other down to their quiz not sure it was even a question on the paper anymore "You Mars Skank do you have sex?"

Amy sputtered. "No of course not."

Leela laughed again "Have you never had sex?" Knowing for certain she'd know what would happen.

Amy shrugged "Yeah I have sex here and there." Another thud rung out confirmation she had it. Whatever she asked people were lying and giving the opposite if she asked them if the sky was blue they'd lie to her for whatever reason and say it was aquamarine or green or ochtarine.

"There we go. You say one thing when you mean another you're messing with me. Is that right?" She said not even thinking of it as a question it was meant to be an attack her foe on their back and she could pounce like the vicious panther she was but the poor panther had slipped up.

"No I'm not messing with you Leela. You were wrong." Upset that she was being accused of messing with her friend, if she was going to be mean to Leela she'd do it right and comment on her fat boots, her big eye or of course her stupidly big chest.

"NO? Then what? How are you suddenly a slut one minute and a saint another? There's no explanation for it outside of something cosmic. You can't answer that can you?" Almost on the verge of screaming.

Emboldened Amy responded. "No Leela I can"