Konosuba Epilogue (Part 2)

10 weeks later…

We stood in the first ever Eris/Axis combined church. Aqua and Kazuma had builder friends that could do the rush job for us, but it still took a few weeks to get the two religions to agree on the details.

The church wasn’t massive–our budget really didn’t stretch for grand cathedrals, nor did it fit Axel’s vibe–but today, as I step forward, it feels sacred.

Holy, even.

White ribbons coil around the beams like frozen rays of light, woven with shimmering blue thread that catches the air and gleams like Aqua’s magic on the water’s surface. Soft flower petals drift down around us in a lazy magical loop. They brush my shoulders like blessings.

On my left, Aqua walks with the pride of a goddess returning to her shrine. Her dress created by Heaven’s angels, a flowing cascade of blues and whites, layered and light, rippling as though it’s made of enchanted water. On my right, Megumin practically crackles with anticipation in a gown of deep black and crimson, flaring like a contained explosion with every step. I can feel both of their energies beside me–Aqua’s divine joy, Megumin’s reckless confidence. And in the middle was just little old me, my own heart beating like a ferocious drum against my heaving chest.

My dress feels heavier than armor. It’s not as fancy as Aqua’s or as personalised as Megumin’s, it was just a pure white dress. Cupping my form with grace, like it was moulded against every curve. I’d worn a dress like this before, but now the silk felt so much better against my skin. Eris’ charm rests at my throat, and as we walk forward many eyes turn to us.

Megumin’s dad is being held back by her mom, Komekko had already preceded us to throw a small amount of flower petals that we now walked on (she was eating most of the basket we’d given her). My own father with his new orc wife was also nearby, though he was far more accepting and weepier than Megumin’s. Wiz and Sena were already crying into tissues, next to them Vanir grimaced at their snotty noses and held out the box for them to take another. Xara, Musume, Sylvia, and Divane were all peering through the stained-glass windows, unable inside to attend due to their size but seemingly having a good time as Xara made a comment that the others laughed at. Yunyun clapped, then realised no one else was and felt embarrassed, with Arue next to her documenting the event with her (probably lewd) writing. In some world I’d be annoyed that Aerith and Tifa were in white dresses, if I didn’t already know that their wedding would be taking place not too long after ours. The Axel Hearts were the band, humming us down the aisle to an acoustic version of their love-ballad pop song. Chris didn’t technically manage to make it, but I squeezed my Eris emblem and knew she was looking down on us. Aqualina, Nemugim, and Darkness were all at the back of the church, all of which gave their blessings many times over for this day, but didn’t want others confused by their presence. Even Princess Iris was in attendance with Claire and Rain. The rest of the stands were full to the brim with our harem. Luna, Melissa, the succubus cafe, the monster girls, that one guy with green boobs, the purple skinned Goddess, Lara Croft, Chomuske–everyone who could cram in to this space attended.

And at the altar was Cecily–smugly beaming like she personally orchestrated salvation itself–with Rosary smiling much more calmly next to her, both ready to give us the first dual religious ceremony.

My gaze finally finds him.

Kazuma stands there in all his glory, waiting for us. The suit makes him look so handsome–a classic black suit with dark olive waistcoat with lighter green tie, the spider weavers really outdid themselves–and his hair was actually neat for once. He looks… calm. Annoyingly confident, considering how much my heart was pounding in my chest. But in that arrogance was a sense of pure awe when he gazed upon the three of us. I couldn’t help but feel my chest swell with emotion. Or maybe that was the child kicking my stomach again.

I feel fear, I feel loved, I feel hope, and I feel like this is all a dream. Yet I keep walking.

When the three of us reach him and stand before the altar, Cecily clears her throat dramatically. I barely hear the two of them speak the vows. All I can feel is the moment settling around us like a vow already spoken. My hands squeeze down on Aqua and Megumin’s hands, and they squeeze back. All of us taking the time to gaze lovingly at each other before looking back at Kazuma.

He smiles at me, and I smile back without shame.

“I do,” he says.

“And lastly, do you… Megumin, Aqua the Best Goddess, and Lalatina Dustiness Ford… take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? In Eris, and Axis faithhood?”

“We do.”

“Then you may now kiss… uh, each other!”

Oh, we did.

Our fourway kisses were always a little rough, but in this moment I didn’t care. Tongues were twisting, cheeks were mashing, it may not be a storybook ending but the cheers and claps and my blissful emotions were real.

I had finally got married to a man and two women I truly love.

And I just felt like I needed to get these emotions out somehow.

“Now, normally we celebrate with a big Harem orgy!” I announced, with our harem being very joyful to indulge my wish as I leapt upon my new husband.

I’d messed with the day’s plans a little. Xara, Sylvia, and Wiz were all planning to also marry Kazuma under the new ‘official’ banner of the fused church. Plus Chris had gotten Aqua to agree to switching places with her so she could marry Kazuma with Aqua blessing their wedding from Heaven. But these plans could

It was going to be one hell of a reception, although I was aware that Megumin’s dad quickly began hurrying out Komekko, and Jeronim similarly getting Iris out as well.

Give me a break, it’s my special day. What could top this?

9 months later…

“Kazuma… it hurts so bad…”

He was right there, holding my hand through the whole thing. So many months of lovable kicks from inside me, growing into the creature that was coming out of me right now. The Crimson Demon midwife was still giving a long speech, half about how great she was and half describing the state of crotch. I couldn’t focus on her though, I was just keeping my eyes locked on him.

“Lalatina, I’m really going to need you to stop feeling masochistic pleasure over the birth of our child.”

“...”

He hung his head in shame, squeezing back against my hand with a relenting sigh, “Fine. But just a little one.”

“Nn~!” I moaned out.

We were both sweaty and tired, and I think it was making him delirious because he began to laugh, “You are such a fucked up lady,” he said with a shake of his head, “Now come on, push!”

“NNNGGGHHHH!!!” I roared.

“AAAAHHHHHH!!!!” He screamed as I crushed his hand.

“WAAA! HWHAAA!!!” she cried.

She.

“It’s a girl!” declared our doctor, raising up the most perfect being in her arms, “Hand delivered by the greatest midwife in the world! You must feel so blessed. Sir, would you like to cut the chord?”

He nodded, reaching over with the fabled blade of legend, “I guess Chunchunmaru still has some uses…”

I couldn’t really see what was happening, no more pain to fall back on, just feeling anxiety and panic about suddenly being a mother. Everything had become so real in such a short amount of time and was I ready? What if-

“Lalatina? Meet our daughter.”

She was perfect. Ten fingers, ten toes. So squishy and innocent. Barely able to open her eyes, all the sensations were new and she was experiencing them all.

Kazuma looked close to tears too, “Wanna hold her?”

“...no…”

“Here you-eh? Why not?”

“I-I-sh-she’s too perfect!” I whimpered, looking briefly at Kazuma’s crushed hand that held her head, “You always say I’m just a muscle headed idiot, w-what if I hurt her? What if she hates me? I-I-”

“Oh grow up and hold your baby.”

I couldn’t stop him from reaching over and sliding her into me. I held this little warm creature in my arms that I had grown inside me, I moved my muscles oh so gently to shift her head and she leant into me. Grabbing onto my top so tightly. I was unable to stop my tears, though she didn’t seem to care. Kicking around with such vigor and life, the same feet that had been abusing my insides so tenderly every day for months now.

“And what is the name of the infant?”

We’d gone back and forth on what to name her.

Lalatina Jr was perhaps said in jest, but when I said I’d consider it Kazuma backed off hard. We considered naming her after my mother, or one of Kazuma’s relatives he actually liked, but then we wanted to look more to the future together and let the past lie in rest. In the end we came up with a name that just came from his world.

“Welcome to the world, Lenora,” I smiled, trying to not use any of my strength to hurt the little thing, “I-”

Suddenly the midwife roared, scaring me as much as my child, “It is decided! I bless Lenora with the gift of life, and for many years to-!”

“Alright! We get it!” Kazuma barked, walking over and pushing her out of my bedroom, “You still have work to do. Aqua’s rooms down here, then I think Luna’s the furthest along…” his voice trailed off as they walked down the hall.

I couldn’t really stay mad at her, my emotions were all over the shop, feeling blissful and scared of the life in my arms. But then she scraped her tiny nails across my chest, and I felt nothing but warmth for my child.

At the very least now I get to try breast feeding an actual baby.

8 new towns of children later...

“I regret becoming a Harem Knight.”

Those were the first words I heard from Kazuma as I separated one child from pulling on Chomusuke’s tail, and another from nibbling on her ear.

Our once-spacious mansion had officially transformed into a living, breathing daycare battlefield. Tiny bodies sprinted across the halls like goblins on caffeine. From somewhere upstairs, a toddler shrieked, “ECHSPWOOOOSHION!” followed immediately by Blastaro (Megumin’s son) proudly knocking over one of Sena’s stack of papers.

Aqualina rushed after him in a panic, while Aqua had gathered a few of the bundles of joy into a makeshift Axis cult. Leading a parade chant that included her daughter Marina demanding “Blessings and snacks for the Axis Cult!”

Darkness was on her knees with a serene smile as two children clung to her hair like vines. “Yes… yank harder… ah, youth is so powerful…” she sighed blissfully.

“Please, stop enjoying it!” screamed Luna, who currently had three succubus toddlers strapped to her with baby harnesses. Each pulling on different parts of her that she’d rather they not be pulling.

Why are we a daycare now? I can’t really bore you with the politics of it all, but there were some meetings, we didn’t win them, now we have to take care of a lot of children when their parents are busy.

It was all hands on deck. Wiz closed her shop some days, bringing over her twin lich boys and Sena’s daughter for playdates. Yunyun would appear more with her son, but Kevin had a bit of a rivalry going with Blastaro (plus children really didn’t seem to vibe with Yunyun, as much as she tried.) Surprisingly a lot of succubae were really good at being motherly–as long as they remember to wear the right clothing–but even they had jobs and needed sexier thoughts than what babies could provide to survive.

“We really need more money so we can afford to create a real daycare,” said Kazuma, going on with his whining even as he played peekaboo with two children on the couch, “This place just can’t survive with just us.”

“I won’t complain to more Eris coming in,” I admitted, “Lenora and Morwenne are getting older, and now we have another on the way. Then there’s the matter of making our fourth…”

“You really do love being pregnant, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

He sighed, rubbing his face while hiding it from the children, “I’ll try to provide where I can, but going on quests doesn’t pay what it used to. Boo!”

I looked around, knowing that he was right. Was all this a mistake? Was I too insistent on creating life? Yes, probably. I couldn’t even really reflect on it before I had another fight to break up. “Hey! We’ve talked about this, Riley! No throwing pudding, unless it’s at me!”

Chaos swirled all around. Megumin fought with some children to get them out from under the table. Bova had two children swinging from her horns. A nearly invisible Wiz screamed, “Kazuma! W-why did you teach them drain touch?! Ahh!”

“Papa!”

“Oto-chan!”

“Daddy Kazumaaaa!”

His eyes opened once more to see Lenora, Marina, and Blastaro all looking at him with big beaming smiles, “Hm? Oh, hey you three.”

Marina held in her hand a piece of paper, looking a little shy to actually give it over but relented when nudged by Blastaro, “We drew you this!”

It was a crayon drawing–one made extra-specially with very little colours going over the lines–depicted the three of them and Kazuma. They stood over a giant frog, with Kazuma holding a comically large blade above his head. These were the times where he really didn’t mind being a Harem Knight. To think they were barely able to hold their heads up until recently…

Blastaro was quick to explain, “It’s you inventing a really really big sword to defeat the frog! Like when you made that really, uh, really big ktatasyu!”

“Kotatsu,” he mindlessly corrected while looking over at the long table, “That really did help in the winter, didn’t it?”

“Mm! I wanna be an inventor like papa!” said Lenora.

“No me!” argued Blastaro.

As the children fought, Kazuma stared at the drawing once more. Thinking about his money troubles and the way he used to fight them back then.

“Right… I guess I could start making things from Japan again…”

7 adventures later…

It was hard to remember a time when Axel didn’t work for Lalatina in some capacity.

She’d obviously long ago taken over numerous buildings in the town for her harem. The guild, Wiz’s shop, the succubus cafe, the Axis/Eris church. But new businesses grew under her empire, powered by normalities that sought to improve everyone’s standard of living as much as she could.

The succubus cafe and the guild had fused, with Luna as their new combined head. After demons and monsters became un-huntable, adventurers had struggled to make a living in the professions they’d been training all their lives for. Adventurers were still needed for some quests–giant frogs were a menace no matter what race you were–but the adult board had taken over the original, and now most quests were revolving around sexual health.

Many had signed up to the ‘Lalatina Onahole Services’, where a scantily clad woman, burly man, lustful succubus, or Kazuma clone would come to your home and do what you requested. She didn’t even use any normalities to achieve this new business, as the world just seemed more sexually free these days.

It wasn’t all smut though, Lalatina still worked hard to create new houses for monsters and demons moving into new towns. There was also making sure resources for the baby boom were plentiful, like nappies and schools. Turns out, mind flayers make for excellent nannies as they can really chill out a tantruming child well.

And of course, she was supporting her husband with his inventing.

SatouCorp’s think-tank consisted of Saikomiko (the Crimson Demon scientist), Sena, Chris, Vanir, Bulma (one of the displaced women from Dark Kazuma’s castle), and Dust (who had bullied his way onto the team). Kazuma’s job had been mostly as an ideas guy. He had absolutely no clue how engines worked, or what went into penicillin, or even how to make a reliable oven. But he had access to Dark Kazuma’s TV, and on his life he swore he’d make sure this world gained access to the peak of human relaxation.

Deconstructing the television was one thing, but they had no idea how to mass produce such a device. Nor did they know how they’d then be able to make use of it, as with no video cameras or a satellite in the sky the invention may as well have been a large brick.

But Kazuma was determined. His job mostly devloving into finding wealthy royalty or aristocrats and fucking them. With the expanded travel to distant lands there were plenty of hot women out there willing to experience his hentai protagonist cock over and over again. He dedicated many nights to make sure his kids could be distracted with a big shiny screen, like how their papa was raised.

“Hey boss! We got the latest materials in!” yelled Dust up towards the factory office, “KAZUMA!”

Sena rose from the desk in front of her office in a huff, “Satou Kazuma is busy right now, he’ll-”

SLAM! “Is it here?” asked Kazuma, bursting from his office in a rush. He ran down the factory’s iron stairwell, ignoring the plea from the two succubus women inside to return to instead leap on the mineral that Dust’s group had brought back.

“Yes… it’s perfect!” He laughed, pressing his cheek against the rugged surface. “Mithril-laced ferrite! Saikomiko is going to love this!”

“Dunno why you wanted this so bad, but I know it’ll be for something good,” chuckled Dust, patting his friend on the back. “By the way, Rin wants to do another couple’s date soon. When you free?”

Kazuma’s brain barely registered the question. Already, he was muttering under his breath: “I’m going to make a whole animation team… all my money problems will be over once I control the world’s anime… DBZ, NGE, OP, Pokemon…”

Dust watched as Kazuma drifted, eyes glazing over like he’d ascended to a realm made entirely of profit and anime waifus.

“…so I’ll just tell her you’re busy again, huh,” Dust sighed. “…you better make it up to Rin! I did my part!” He boasted before giving Kazuma an eyebrow, “Are you at least going to the festival tomorrow?”

“...festival? Is it that time of year already?”

Dust looked quite happy to not be the hopeless idiot for once, “Yeah, dude. That’s like… the festival for your kids. How could you forget?”

“I have warned you of the upcoming event multiple times, Satou Kazuma.” said Sena, slowly walking down the stairwell while holding her pregnant belly. “‘The Festival of a Hundred Birthdays’ was your idea to consolidate the many-”

Kazuma scratched his hair in frustration, “I know, I know. I’ve just been busy, man… um, Sena-chan… you wouldn’t happen to-?”

“Yes, I’ve already bought all the necessary birthday presents you require.”

“You’re the best!” He kissed her on the cheek and skipping off back up the stairs to his waiting succubus. “I have to get back to securing more funding!” he yelled, leaving the other two behind to sigh at his antics.

“You should probably find a better boss,” said Dust.

Sena fired a loaded lowered eyebrow at him, “And miss out on all the breeding sex he gives me? No way.”

“I should probably find a better boss,” said Dust.

6 new contracts later…

He’d done it.

After a few years of struggle, Kazuma (well, more his team of scientists, wizards, and actually intelligent people) had created a television in another world.

It had taken some imagination, but Kazuma had remembered an orb that could project the memories of those who touched it in square visions around the room. Thanks to the think-tank’s efforts, they’d managed to change the magic of these crystal orbs and mass produce them. Now–instead of having to invent film cameras, aerials, and a satellite–Kazuma could have one person watch a group of actors perform and beam that guy’s memories directly to all KazumaCorp brand CrystalVision Orb around the land!

The orbs had so many applications, and throughout the years they only improved the formula for the magic. At first it was tame; news reports and a KazumaCorp shopping network hosted by his best sellers Aqua and Aqualina was enough. But soon orbs began filling homes and even other buildings, like the various guilds who were just happy that they could stream live sports for their drunk patrons.

The ‘memories’ part of the equation also meant that dreams were a perfect way to tell a fantastical story. Any succubus could create a thrilling action film, a hilarious comedy, or (if you subscribed to the extra price of LalatinaMAXXX) a heavily sexy romance.

Dark Kazuma’s media library also helped a lot with showing this world what other worlds could be like. They were blown away by the incredible works of fiction. A man taking down an entire skyscraper of bad guys on Christmas! A group of super heroes in coloured spandex that could summon a giant robot! An animated tale of a round grey fluff ball and his cat bus companion! It inspired many like Arue to pick up a pen and write their own tales, with music by The Axel Hearts, and actors like Luna. Xara had

Of course, Kazuma also worked hard to plug in and mass produce the video game consoles that Dark Kazuma had left behind too, creating an entire generation of NEETs that loved to compare and contrast notes/times on the various games.

Eventually Kazuma even figured out how orbs could send information back. He never thought he’d be able to make a Twitch Chat equivalent in this world, but live streams became rather popular when people could chat back. People playing games, watching movies, oh and the succubus smut streams. Helped along by making smaller orbs that could act like cell phones, the sexy succubus industry thrived, as they could generate plenty of food for themselves over long distances by dancing on request for the world’s shut ins.

But then he shocked the world. Kazuma had one last thing to create up his sleeve, perhaps his greatest invention, surpassing even Japan’s capabilities: Multiversal Travel!

Once upon a time there had been a big red button. Once pressed by an excited Megumin, it had transported Kazuma, Lalatina, Aqua, and Megumin to another world. This world looked a lot like Japan, but was really a much smaller pocket dimension that revolved around a school. Multiple other groups had teleported there too, creating quite an eclectic classroom. And though they’d stuck around long enough for the group to have fun with the sexy succubus and some maids, Lalatina eventually made it normal for everyone to be able to return home at will.

This then raised a question, what to do with the button? A thought occurred to Kazuma that his many, many kids would… well, eventually run into some issues with finding non-cousin life partners. There were still children being born that weren’t his, but how many generations could they truly avoid that issue? Maybe it would be best to use the button and school themed pocket universe to let his kids spread out a little more.

As such, a new multiversal school was created. It wasn’t like Kazuma had made a way to transport wherever they wanted in the universe, but that button meant they could at least experience a little of how he grew up in Japan too. Lalatina was rather happy with the concept of his generational seed spreading out so far to other worlds too.

Kazuma had created an empire. Yet stepped down as soon as he felt he was done. His kids were capable now, growing into adulthood before he’d even realised how long he’d worked on this project. Sena was more than able to become the CEO (though she demanded he still return after every nine months to ‘maintain morale’,) and his kids could use their experiences in other worlds to invent their own fantastical creations.

He could retire in peace, knowing that his wealth would be able to support all his kids, grandkids, and lovers.

5 years later…

Sena and Wiz got married. They started a daycare together right next door to Wiz’s shop. Sena is often swept off her feet trying to maintain her new business with Wiz’s, but thankfully she still has her bell for when her opponents try to lie to her. Wiz still acts as the housewife to the whole harem, needing to make so many lunches for school she routinely nearly puts Vanir out of business. Vanir these days is pretty happy. Turns out, babies crying is a rather nice tasting emotion for him, but he also seeded himself in KazumaCorp’s enterprise early, meaning he has plenty of money to keep building his ultimate dungeon. Whenever that will happen, no one knows.

Chris started a thief guild with Melissa to hunt down the last of the magic items in the land. Turns out their new companion and large breasted life partner Lara Croft is quite the treasure hunter.

Yunyun was the Crimson Demon’s best leader, though they’d never admit someone so normal made their village prosper so much. She joined the council of leaders that Musume and Iris had created, often bringing far too many snacks. Eventually she got married to Kazuma, Aqua, Lalatina, and Megumin too. Though for some reason, no one understood the invite to a wedding they’d attended, and barely anyone showed up. Yunyun didn’t care, she was happy.

The succubus army are mostly live streamers now, but some still appreciate the simplicity of dream creation. With how sexual the world is, there’s a chance they’ll become the dominant species in a few generations.

Luna took over both the guild and Succubus shop. She says business is the best it’s ever been since they started trading workers back and forth. Though eventually she realised she preferred acting, like when she first met Tifa’s group, and pursued a career as the most beautiful woman on screen. Her calming nature and love of all things tasty made her be the one to eventually break through Darkness’ outer shell and crack through. They’re happily married, with Darkness acting as the woman’s personal bodyguard.

Arue is a prolific film director now. She has become the most viewed creator in the world, filling both the regular and sexy channels with her creations.

Cloud and the rest of the Final Fantasy gang never found out about their origins. They did eventually manage to take down the corrupt Elroad and erect statues of their heroic deeds. Cloud insisted on wearing a dress for his statue. He still gets drained every day by his lesbian life partners, who are raising their own girls in the 7th Heaven guild.

Xara and Sylvia moved into their own place, but frequent Kazuma’s home whenever they’re feeling in the mood. Divane went back to Heaven at some point, though was happy to return for more pet play. Now masochistically enjoying the choice to stay below in the human world.

The Axel Hearts rose the musical charts with multiple Kazuma centered number ones, but had to quit to become mothers once their bellies became too big. They now only do ‘reunion’ tours when they can get the harem to babysit.

The Demon Queen Musume never stopped working for her dream. Many monsters and demons could attest to their ability to walk freely now, thanks to her fighting tirelessly for their rights. Musume also completed a side dream, creating a sole-spicy food restaurant.

Megumin and Nimugem bounced around a lot over the years from project to project. They never really enjoyed being tied down to any one event or job. For some years they were a Demon Queen General. Facing the rival kingdoms that did not lean into the mixed races as easily as Axel, unrivaled in their dual explosion power. Though when the enemies waned, they started a Crimson Demon Explosion Dojo, teaching future generations the power of Explosion magic. It didn’t last more than a year. Many of the adventure parties still requested them for demolition jobs, and she enjoyed the variety that life was bringing her. Though she always managed to find a way back home to her husband and wives.

Aqualina and Aqua became the world’s favourite pair of Goddesses. They had their controversies here and there, but their lives were always brought people happiness through their natural friendliness and kind actions. Aqua always stayed near Lalatina and Kazuma, but would travel to where Alcanretia where Aqualina lived occasionally too. Many new NEETs ended up joining up with the Axis church, and loved to receive their dual blessings of twin water goddesses.

Time just continued to move forwards for everyone. Including Kazuma and I…

4 anniversaries later…

Kazuma groaned as his knees popped for the fifth time in as many minutes, landing with a groan next to me.

“God, I swear these joints make more noise than Komekko’s stomach used to,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck as he slouched into the old wooden bench overlooking the manor’s wide garden. Children—no, young adults now—ran about laughing, sparring, flying, casting, flirting, failing, crashing, and screaming in varying combinations. A chaos he once would have been dragged into kissing boo-boos and explaining why teleporting the cat into orbit was technically illegal now. But today, he just watched.

I sat beside him, my golden hair now sporting loose streaks of white (not a euphemism these days). I sighed contentedly, folding my hands over my lap while nudging myself closer to my man. I still wore my armor most days, though now it was lighter and styled more for nostalgia than practicality. “They’ve grown a lot, haven’t they?” she said softly.

“Yeah,” Kazuma replied. “Into little freeloaders who don’t call their father unless they need spending money.”

“And yet you still give it.”

“I’m only an adventurer you know, the weakest class. Especially to the whims of their many kids,” Kazuma admitted.

I chuckled warmly. “Still, it’s nice that the mansion isn’t empty.”

He stared off, exhaling. “Hard to believe we used to live all crammed together like idiots. Now Megumin spends more time by Musume’s side than here. Xara and Sylvia moved on cause they clearly outpace us now. Aqua’s… well, still Aqua. She’s never going to move away. But everyone else has moved on with their lives. Got their own families… their own things. I suggested maybe we try for one more kid and I got three separate letters saying ‘please rest, old man.’”

“To be fair dear, your sperm isn’t as much of a money maker as it once was.” I reminded, taking his hand in mine and giving it a squeeze,“At least the religions still worship you.”

“Barely,” he said after a click of his tongue, “Who knew some normalities can shift with time?”

“It was a couple decades ago I made them, I just figure that things that were once the norm change with the era.” I hummed, watching over our children playing with such wide smiles, “Would you like me to change it back so they are masturbating to you again?”

“...nah, fuck it. A bunch of our kids joined those religions, probably for the best no one needs to jerk it to ol’ Kazuma these days. Just the young looking Goddesses that they originally joined for…” He sighed, looking over at his blue haired wife producing a dove from her hands and making many of the children around her clap wildly, “Does the fact she hasn’t aged piss you off too?”

“Oh yes.”

He slumped further into the bench. “They never really get this far in the hentais, do they? Being the head of a retired harem. That’s like... the saddest sentence ever.”

“At least we had some fun,” I said, leaning on the head that leant on my shoulder, “You started that cat-maid cafe.”

“It’s still alive. Just more cat than maid these days… honestly, I think I invented a kid’s fast food chain by accident.”

“The night of succubus heat…”

“Oh yeah. Xara’s every thousand year ‘moon alignment’ horniness. Reminded me of the old days having that many succubae clambering all over me again.”

“There was that time you met the man with the same name as you.”

“Hehe, yeah, he was not good enough in the sack to have all the normalities affect him too. That ‘Rackless’ was hot though.”

“Mm. The time we found that potion of gigantism.”

“You nearly flooded Axel worse than Aqua by cumming.”

“The incident with the lampshade.”

“...we agreed to never talk about that again.”

“You even managed to get with your favourite Princess~”

“Bro, Iris was relentless!” he retorted, throwing the hand not holding mine into the air in disbelief, “I denied her so many times, but she found out I had that pendant… then, you know, I’m not made of iron.”

“Well, parts of you are,” I teased, nuzzling my non-holding hand along his still hefty member, “How villainous of you to do that to the princess, Satou Kazuma.”

“Are you going to defeat my iron parts tonight, Lalatina Kazuma?”

I hummed along to the breeze that spread over us like a cooling blanket, “Every night I still breathe. Can you handle it, old man?”

“Oi, I can last another 4 decades, at least.”

3 decades later...

It was a very sad day at the funeral. The podium that once held the weight of Musume’s words, now held my shaking form. I brought my feet to the podium slowly, needing my son Yukiji’s strength to walk across the wooden beams. I knew this day would come eventually, but it still saddened me to be the one to give the eulogy.

“I’m afraid that it happened quietly in the night. My husband, the great inventor and legendary Harem Knight, Satou Kazuma, is dead…”

“No he isn’t, he’s right there!”

I turned to see where the man was pointing. Of course, my supposed-to-be-a-corpse husband was hobbling along, confused with a certain blue haired woman.

“AQUA!”

“What?” she asked with a shrug, “Kazuma just needed his Goddess wife to wake him up~”

“Eh? Where am I?”

2 generations later…

It was a quiet field.

A memorial statue of where those brave souls that had fought against the Demon King stood proudly above the small stone pillars around it.

Time has a habit of eating the memories of the past, but it would be many many centuries before you could escape the name of Kazuma. The legacy of him and his many incredible wives was woven into the tapestry of history forever.

Three beings loomed over the graves that spoke these names.

“Where does the time go?” asked Xara, a melancholic exhale escaping her lips as she poured some of her wine onto their graves, “Seems like only yesterday I was invading his home.”

“Humans,” snarled Musume, “Fickle creatures.”

Sylvia was the one who had actually openly wept, compared to Xara’s calm acceptance and Musume’s hidden tears, “Aqua and Aqualina have left too now, haven’t they?”

“She did a lot, but your genetic science kept them alive more than they’d expect,” said Xara, handing her wife another tissue and a glass of wine, “and in return, they gifted us this world of mechanical marvels.”

“I’ll admit only that I’ll miss them. It does sadden me that we’ll never see them again,” grumbled Musume, looking up to the skies with a slightly annoyed look, “Even once our existence finally does come to an end, we are all going downwards.”

“Relations between Heaven and Hell have improved,” Xara rebuked, handing Musume a tissue as well for her ‘hayfever’, “I’ve even seen a few angels enjoying that tavern you frequent so often. Perhaps we’ll be sucking Kazuma’s cock sooner than you’d think.”

Sylvia couldn’t help but laugh, “Hehe, after what I’ve heard from our pet ‘dog’, we’ll be lucky if those Heaven sluts up there ever let us have a go.”

“I suppose we’ll just have to create enough stories down here in the absence to share when we meet again!” roared Musume, swinging her mug of beer around before chugging it down.

Xara took one last look at her deceased husband’s statue, smiling softly at the man and the woman that had saved her world so much.

“I’m sure we’ll meet again, one day.”

1 last time to say ‘see you later’…

“H-hey, is there anyone… around?”

A scruffy haired girl sat alone on a single chair.

She wondered where she was. It was a room filled with stars below her, pillars in the distance, and a strange room in the center.

The room was not as tall as the infinite abyss above her, obviously. It was square, quite large in width, and surrounded by lacy curtains that obscured what was happening inside. Though it was hard to tell, it was far from impossible to infer the actions taking place inside there. Cushions, shifting bodies, moans and giggles.

People were having sex.

She was an adult neet and thus had never experienced such an important event. Was she dreaming of sex? Wouldn’t be the first time, but usually it was a bit more close up than this. She hoped she wasn’t developing a being-cucked fetish…

As she focused, she could hear the voices of those inside.

“Aqua! I told you it was my turn next!”

“I’m Aqualina! Besides, you snooze, you lose, Flatty! I saw you doing it with Sylvia over there!”

“Oh please, don’t fight. I hate the idea of my wives fighting for eternity.”

“We’re not fighting, Wiz. Ohh, right there… I’m just waiting for… Crap! I think there’s a dead girl outside! I’m… where are my clothes?! Can anyone cover for me?!”

“I did the last one.”

“No you didn’t Megumin! You made me and Luna do it instead!”

“Someone better get out there!”

Suddenly a blonde woman with an hourglass figure and pure white silk cloth that draped over her, barely covering anything important as she slipped out of the lace curtains.

With a warm smile on her lips she spoke calmly to the girl on the chair, “Sorry, looks like I’m the only one available right now.”

“W-woah…” the bisexual neet gulped, squishing her legs together to hide anything that was happening down there.

The woman strode calmly to the opposite chair, a bit more of a regal one, and took hold of some paper that had been cast aside beside it. After looking over the notes, she spoke directly to the drooling neet, “So, I’m afraid to say you died. You have reached the afterlife, Heaven to be exact.”

“H-how did I…?”

“Too many energy drinks it says… a heart attack in the night. You went peacefully in your sleep… it was, unfortunately, how I died as well.”

The scruffy haired girl looked confused by that comment, “Uh… I mean, I don’t r-remember…”

“Mm, that seems normal…” the woman nodded, and felt a strange energy fill the room. She suddenly grabbed her ears, “Oh! I almost forgot I still had these on, it’s been so long since I’ve needed anything to be normal.”

After a few moments of consideration looking at the confused, scared, and scruffy girl. The woman in the chair spoke once more, “You know, I’m going to skip a few steps here. You seem like the type that will want to go to another world with a magic item, and I have quite the tool you can use.”

“D-do you come with the m-magic item?”

“I’m afraid not, as my eternal soul belongs to another already. Heaven will always be ours to live together in, and I have put protection normalities in to stop anyone from messing with our happily ever after,” said the woman, slowly reaching to her head and removing each earring carefully, “But I’m sure that with these, you’ll be able to make an amazing story for yourself. I recommend making everyone smile around you, as the world makes your life better the more work you put into it. Even if you are a degenerate slut with no good qualities other than your boobs.”

“Uhh…”

“Don’t worry,” she closed her hand around the neet’s, handing over the two earrings with purpose and a smile, “There’s a lot of fun to be had along the way, too. Go have an adventure, normally you won’t regret it.”

A/N: 620,000 words, nearly 1000 kudos... did you know the rough estimate for the 17 volumes of Konosuba are between 680,000 to 840,000 words? I nearly made this smut fic a similar length to the main series, lmao.

And in the immortal words of a boxing-man: ITS OVERRRRRRR!!!!

It took a lot of time, delays, and cups of coffee, but this grand monster of a fanfic has come to a close.

It all started with an idea to give Darkness more time to shine, a character that got shafted quite harshly by the series and the fandom, plus a desire to see her get shafted quite harshly by Kazuma. In that time we at least got season 3 of the show and I think perceptions on her have shifted now, but I'll always remember my Lalatina most fondly. The slightly depressed, always horny, overly romantic fool.

Originally in my head I was gonna lament a bit, talk about all the various mistakes of the series and thanking you for sticking with me. But fuck it, this is an accomplishment day baby~. I never thought I'd write this many words at all, let alone for one story. We made it! WOOO~!!

Special thanks to:

0neSw00dGuy and Cross C for helping to write and edit chapters.

Shadowmage and other friends who would read chapters early for feedback.

Anyone who ever left a comment or kudos to help me keep my motivation up for writing.

That one Spanish dude that started translating this fic without asking on Wattpad (I don't mind lol).

And you, the reader! For sticking with me for so long!

I'll be off to write other stories now. I hope everyone out there enjoys themselves out there too!

Ciao for now~

Namichwan57 xxx ^_^