Knowing is half the battle

Tattletail was freaking out. She knew everything now. Or at least everything she thought she ought to know. And all it took was this little magic book. A magic book her power of deduction still couldnt understand.

Well... now that she knew better she wondered if it was better to consider her power anthropomorphicly as she had or to deal with it as the alien super computer parasite it was.

And hadnt that been a surprise and a half. She might have joked about aliens being behind powers a time to two but she never really meant it. Only now thanks to the Rulebook she knew better. She knew where powers came from and what they were for. They were a means for a moronically stupid pair of space aliens to test the human race like they were lab rats. Only they were too stupid to understand the test results and would eventually, petulantly destroy their lab rats and the earth they lived on when they didnt get the magic bullet results they wanted.

Why oh why had she wanted to know why powers existed? Knowing hadnt made her life any better.

Just like she now knew the truth about endbringers, the truth about case 53 monster capes, the truth about the great conspiracy named Cauldron, the truth about the super villain who had her trapped, Coil.

None of it made her happier.

Lisa really, really, reeeeally hated being a know it all right now.

Staring at the Rulebook and having her alien parasite power just identify it as a little black book for the hundredth time made Lisa laugh. Her power had no idea what it was looking at. Couldn't even comprehend the sheer scale of power the book granted. Shecoukld wipe out all life on earth with this book if she wanted!

Oh god, she needed to laugh! She needed something funny right damned now! Otherwise she was going to spiral hard.

"Okay. Think, Lisa, think. Funny. What's funny? Funny and... and..." she looked at the Rulebook, "Good! Something funny and good!"

She opened the book and grabbed a pencil. "C'mon, brain, give me something. Something like karmic justice."

The alien connected to her and giver of her super power of deduction, looked at the book and reminded her that the last person to hold it was Kaiser's, the leader of the local neo nazis, son. Who actually seemed to be an okay guy despite being the head biggots son.

OLD RULE: Men of the E88/neo nazis/racists are easily identifiable by their micro penis. No one has a penis larger than two inches.

OLD RULE: Kasier is jealous of his son who has a seven inch penis.

Lisa snorted and could well imagine that Kaiser, who seemingly detested his son, was also secretly jealous of the fact that he had a larger penis. Probably also hated that the women in his organization would rather have sex with his son than Kaiser. And Kaiser's kid, who had a whole bundle of issues thanks to dear old dad, was at least able to rest easy in the fact that he was a bigger man than his father.

Hmmm... Lisa tapped her pencil against the Rulebook. She probably ought not to... but... karma would not be denied. Share the wealth and all that.

OLD RULE: Women of the E88/neo nazis/racists all secretly long to be sexually used by minorities as they have a larger penis than their racists partners.

Lisa grinned at the idea off all those proud white women secretly watching interracial porn on pornhub behind their husbands backs.

"Ohhhh kay. Okay. Okay." Lisa nodded her head. She might not be perfect but she actually had a handle on owning a magical reality warping book. "I can handle this. I can handle this. I got this."