Kinktober #17

This is an original story.

Alien / Escape

"Ready, bro?"
"Ready to go, bro!"
The two brothers from different mothers patted each other on their backs as they beheld the fruit of their labour. After an entire year of modification and overclocking, they looked with awe at the metal monstrosity that once could have been confused with the Dodge Ram which Pat's late uncle owned.
It had been upgraded. Perfected.
More than a car or a truck, it was a tank; if the armour of the tank had been stripped and replaced with a bigger engine. Indeed, it was a single huge cone-shaped engine with monster truck tires behind and exhaust pipes one would expect to see on anything intended to be launched into space.
The pair high fived each other. Bill enveloped Pat in a hug. It was beautiful. Too beautiful for words.
"Let's take this baby for a spin shall we, Pat?" Bill said and pulled the handle of the door. It opened upwards.
"Wouldn't have it any other way, Bill!" Pat scooted himself into the driver seat and sat himself down on the oversized bean bags they had replaced the seats with. A clear improvement really.
Bill positioned himself inside and closed the door. No need to strap up with seat belts, they had discarded them as useless weight. Pat pulled the handbrake and twisted the key. It roared beautifully, like a lioness. Pat and Bill laughed with delight.
"Here it goes! Are you ready?"
"Oh man, Pat! I'm shaking!"
"Me too... this is a momentous occasion. All right... on three! One... two..."
Pat struck the pedal to the metal, and it roared louder... and then choked and died. Complete silence pervaded the Nevada desert.
"...dude? What the hell happ...." The 'car' sprung back to life and shot off at amazing speeds. Pat and Bill were pushed into their bean bags, becoming indents of themselves. No longer could Pat reach the steering wheel... and if he did he could hardly see anything due to tunnel vision.
"AHHHH! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!!" Pat yelled as the nose of the vehicle rose and dipped on the road as it attempted to spin against the rear axle.

The vehicle ran into something, be it a rock, an acorn or a stray thought. Whatever it was, it sufficed to flip over the vehicle, whereupon it immediately embedded itself into the sand as a giant fireball of melted iron and burned tire.

When Bill woke up he was looking into a grid of bright lamps in the ceiling immediately above him. "Hey Pat? Pat?"
"Yes, Bill?"
"Did we survive?"
"Hmmm.. that would be extremely unlikely. I think I'm in heaven."
"What about me?"
"Nah. You have to be like... good to get into heaven. I guess you're in hell."
"Hey! Up yours! You're the one in hell!"
"Hey! Hey! Don't shoot their messenger, all right! We've all seen your browser history,,, we all know when you die you'd go to hell."
"Well... if I'm in hell, how come you're all charred black... from top to toe? Like, properly black."
"Well I don't know. How come you are charred black too?"
"That's because I died in a fiery inferno.... wait... where's Angelica?"
`"If this was heaven she'd definitely be here. Bill... I don't think we're in heaven... or hell. I think we survived."
"Oh, sweet! High five!"
"I can't high five you Bill. I'm strapped to the table."
"Dude! That's such a lame excuse!"
"Well you're strapped to the table too."
"That's so totally beside the point."

At that point the door to the sterile room opened up. A middle aged lady in a dominatrix outfit walked through and sashayed towards Pat and Bill. "Greetings, extraterrestials. Welcome to planet Area 51. I am your hostess lady Grotesqua. I hope you will find the moment preceding your vivisection to your liking."
"What's a vivisection?" Pat asked.
"It's like a dissection, but you're still alive." Bill explained.
"Gross! You're saying you have to be dissected by a dead person..." Pat said, "Wait, you're gonna..."
Grotesqua snapped her whip, "SILENCE! You aliens pose a potential existential threat to us humans. You will of course be honoured to assist us in this endeavour."
"Hey listen lady! We're no aliens, all right! We are botn and raised American humans!"
"A likely story. We have already determined the vehicle that brought you here is of extraterrestial design."
"We call her Angelica!"
"And it was evidently fueled by a hitherto unknown substance."
"Yeah! I brewed it in mom's basement! Can't remember what's in it... I was so high when I made it at some point I could smell God..." Pat was not able to enlighten lady Grotesqua further before he was interrupted by another cracking of the whip.
"SILENCE! If you survive your vivisection you will be allowed to further explain your circumstances. For now, our country needs us to act. You will stay here until Dr Lobotone gets in here."
Lady Grotesqua said and exited the room.
"Dude... we gotta get out of here." Bill said.
"Don't worry... I have what I believe is a broken tooth lodged in my nose... though honestly it's likely not since I can feel all my teeth are still in my mouth..."
"Oh... oh! That's my tooth! Go ahead! Give it to me so I can cut us free!"
Pat snorted out the broken tooth which landed just within reach of Bill's hand. He used it to cut the strap of his hand, then used his hand to cut the strap off his other hand , and then his neck then legs. When he was done a red haired old man in a surgeon's coat walked in. Bill grabbed his surgical tray and beat him **** with it, then picked up the scalpel to cut off Pat's restraints.
"Good job! Let's escape Area 51!" Bill said.
"Yeah, all those Internet guy's trying to break in here, and we're already on the step where we have to break out!"
They ran out of the door.

The alarm sounded thoroughout the complex and red lights shone everywhere.
"Over here.." Bill said and opened the closet for Pat, so they could hide away from the soldiers in combat gear running down the hallway. When they couldn't hear more footsteps the two of them snuck out, wearing blue overalls and a cap to hide their faces.

Eventually they made their ways out, but there was a huge chain link fence in the way for their dramatic escape.
"What do we do now?" Bill asked.
"Oh! I know! Over here!" Pat climbed on top of a tank.
"Pat... you're a goddamn genius!"
They climbed into it and turned on the engine, and the tank started moving... straight backwards.
"Oh god! It's in the reverse!"
"No it isn't. It's just the turret is turned the wrong way!"
"Then how do we turn it the right way?"

While they were arguing the soldiers around were running for their lives, until the tank ran over the fence and turned that section into pancakes. They drove it into a ditch where they couldn't get it back up, climbed out of the tank and ran away.

TWO WEEKS LATER
_________________________________

It turned out that Bill's dad had amazing health insurance. Around this time Bill and Pat had their burn wounds treated, and even gotten cosmetic surgery. They were as good as new and eating fries at Burger King.
"Dude... that was so dangerous!" Bill said.
"We nearly died... more times than I can count."
"Yeah, let's be grateful we're alive..."
Bill dipped his fry in the sauce and chewed it up.
"That was so awesome!" Pat said.
"Yeah it totally was!"
"Let's do it again!"
"Any time bro! Any time!"