Keter Forsaken Chicken

The Game had largely played along with John until now… so why was this different? Did this mean there were no chickens in the Abyss? Did this mean the spell didn’t care for John’s intention? Whatever its reason for what felt like a betrayal, Abysswalk had put him and his **** batch of minions before a black-clawed beast, a feathered demon whose half-revealed skull was topped with flame. Its head swung low to preview the prey waiting outside of the stairwell; its two eyes blinked and, with a turn of its head in unnatural angles, another two eyes blinked. Its mouth was a ragged beak of serrated edges, its tail a collection of thorned whips, and its wattles, where one might expect soft plumes of flesh, were twisted sheets of glowing steel. Its torso was larger than a grown man in a fetal position, and its beak, large enough to embrace a human head, parted anew with a flaming burst as it once again called: “Buk, buk… BAGAWK!”

Infernal Rooster
Level 12 Gallus Gallus Infernalis
HP: 325/325
MP: 100/100
Status Effects: Enraged
Qualities: Demon, Resilient
A demonic beast manifested into the twisted form of a war-rooster, it knows nothing but cucking fury and a diabolical thirst for sentient flesh or, in the alternative, whole ears of corn.

Most of the minions braced for combat, though Ju and Regan both were stuck staring in gaping shock at the four-eyed, massive rooster that was now entering their room. Lily squinted her eyes at the new light source, wishing she could ask anything past the order of silence.

The sulfuric odor only hit John after he threw his attack, not daring to find out whether this monster had more than sparks of flame for breath.

Your Serpent’s Lunge deals 714 damage to the Infernal Rooster.
Infernal Rooster slain!
-2HP

His fingers still tingled with the burning heat coming from the monster’s feathery hide when he saw a second descending the stairs, no different than the first. Again John one-shotted these (relatively) low-leveled beasts, not caring to capture or study them any further; a third, and then finally a fourth, all fell, one after the other, until the battle was single-handedly won.

Flock of Hell Chickens defeated!
+3,552XP
+$4,204
+16 demon feathers
+8 huge chicken legs
+2 serrated beaks
+1 flame gizzard

John gave it a moment and, with tunnels, confirmed the rest of the barrier was, indeed, empty. He turned to his minions, finding faces ranging from confused to shocked to sardonic… but also finding what he had hoped for over Lily and Regan’s heads.

(TP: 2,664)

“I… was actually worrying more about dire chickens,” Tara slowly explained, “like the ones I’ve seen on the market… but that was also pretty fucking bad.”

“Who the fuck is making demon chickens…?” came Fairy’s critique. John’s confused glance invited her to continue, “Hell hounds? Perfect sense. Demon fairies? I mean just look at me! But… roosters?”

“They looked so different in the scrolls…” Ju commented.

Regan, her eyes still wide, slowly came down from her shock as she regarded the absurdity of the conversation around her.

Demon chickens are a delicacy I only ever heard rumors about, Lily would have happily opined, were she still not sealed to silence.

Regan’s mouth opened, but she offered no comment.

“Alright,” John sighed, “technically we got some of what we came for… and now we know I can’t really trust this spell to give me what I want… probably.” He approached Regan and resisted the urge to kneel down to meet her at eye level. “Are you going to be alright, Regan? I can send you back to the temple at any time, really.”

“N-No,” Regan answered hastily. “Ah mean… ah-ah don’t need to be sent back. This is…” She leaned her body over to afford her a glance at where the rooster corpses had been piling; they were already gone, whisked away by the Abyss or some other unseen ****. “… they were really…”

“Scary-looking?”

Regan would’ve nodded, were it a choice, but her earnest stare said enough.

“Well, I’m going to try and avoid calling scary stuff from now on… but some of it might still be intimidating.”

Lily suddenly leapt towards John, doing her best to seem silently brave… though all she did was puff out her cheeks and glare, wide-eyed, at the mass of black that she hoped was John. Her cheeks blushed as she burned up with jealousy. By sheer luck did she find her target, latching onto John’s arm and cuddling upon it.

“Lily…” John found it hard to order her off.

Lily beamed with radiant joy… and lost another point of maximum health.

Damn it, just this?! Or has it really been long enough…?

Regan might have felt a bit of her own jealousy too if she were not still overwhelmed by the horror they had just seen. Fairy and the rest simply clicked their tongues or rolled their eyes, save Woofroot who barked happily at what seemed to be a happy ending to that tense moment.

“Alright, John,” Tara interjected, “now we’re not done, are we?”

He nodded with a tight smile. “We’re just getting started.”

“Well then, let’s go: bring ‘em on.”

John transitioned the lot of them out of the barrier… and this time readied to engulf his originally intended space: its maximum along every axis the spell permitted. But if it’s going to be filled with just one kind of monster… or maybe one range of monster… and it’ll also ignore my intention, so I can’t say anything that might risk pulling more elves or halflings or whatever… so let’s see…

John thought of what he needed as minions. Certainly, he had enough sapient beings and didn’t want to keep adding to them without need. He didn’t see any need for beasts, however, nor could he be sure what kind of beasts would not also come magically equipped with sapience. In seeking needs he thought of his continuing need for an alchemy lesson to help unlock a whole wing of his temple; but how lucky would he need to be to land another alchemist goblin?

Then there was the infirmary… and its need for an angel. The memory of the only angel he had ever confronted made him shudder; the “holy lantern” in his Temple was a far cry, lacking even the basic quality he had seen in that towering monster. “Takorb” was no angel… and indeed, John had never encounted any except his ex-guardian.

“Does anyone here know if... weak angels exist?”

The question had startled a few faces, most of all Lily who nearly recoiled from where she had anchored herself on John. Only Fairy offered an immediate answer, “There are definitely weak angels, and weak demons as you just saw.” John decided not to comment on how weak Fairy was when he had met her, but she narrowed her eyes in anticipation all the same.

“Pissing on Hells is one thing,” Tara interrupted, “but Heavens tend to bring their whole weight against anyone who crosses them… at least while they’re out here. Sure, you’d be enslaving one from an illusion barrier, but if you possess an angel, even one like that…”

“He’s already fucked in that department,” Fairy suddenly laughed, “so yeah… why not?”

Tara turned to shoot Fairy an angry glare before continuing, “Don’t do it. Look, whatever illusion barriers are… I don’t know, you’re weird and I don’t quite trust that you’re doing what everyone else does.”

“You’re… not making a very good argument against it.”

“You… you want to kill angels?” Regan suddenly asked.

“That’s… n-not kill, necessarily. I just need to capture one, and it’ll be good XP for you all, so…”

“Are they… really angels, now? Like Christ Above-type angels?”

“Oh fuck no,” Fairy replied.

“Not even a bit,” Tara added.

“O-Oh… waitaminute, is… is Christ really…?”

John opened his mouth to continue… and paused to give the Irish teenager a long look. After a moment’s consideration, he decided a theological inquiry was better suited for another day. “I’m going to call a giant barrier, and keep you all in here. I’ll ask for angels of level ten or less and have you all hide in here while I go investigate. No one is to engage them; just report to me if somehow they get to you, and do everything to protect the weakest among you. Understood?”

His minions nodded in unison; they had ****, after all. Thumalk drew his steel; Fairy prepared her chains; and all the rest braced for whatever nightmare John was about to conjure.

Into the interface John typed: “Angels of level 10 or below.”

You cast Abysswalk.