Keep Your Friends Close

"I give you harem member number five, Audrey Friedman!"

What the fuck. Why her? If the premise of this batshit insane show was to build him a harem, why her? She was nearly twice his age. Certainly menopausal. It didn't even make sense. She shouldn't *be* here.

Dr. Friedman strode past his throne with a measured gait. When she reached the bottom of the depression she stood with poise. Her level gaze swept slowly across the other girls, rested on him for a moment, then came to settle on Violet.

"Audrey is a forty seven year old professor who-"

"*Doctor* Audrey," she interrupted. Violet gave her a look, but Dr. Friedman offered nothing further.

"Yes," Violet continued. "Of course. *Doctor* Audrey is a forty seven year old professor of philosophy."

Violet prattled on but Trevor wasn't listening. Why her? In the show's defense Dr. Friedman wasn't completely without merit. She had huge breasts, wide hips, and a big butt even if she was a little overweight and even if she did dress like...well, like an old professor. Her angular facial features would probably be very interesting on a younger woman. Intellectually, Trevor supposed he could understand that. But if they expected him to be sexually attracted to her, it just wasn't going to happen.

And that's what made the anger that was slowly burning through his shock so much more potent. Girls like Kay or Laura didn't deserve this either, but at least they made sense within the context of the show. Dr. Friedman was his mentor. She was stern but he had always felt like she was an essentially caring person. And now this? It was bullshit.

Violet's diatribe wound down and Dr. Friedman turned to go to her podium, still as composed as ever. Trevor couldn't just let her walk away without saying something. "Dr. Friedman, wait. Please. I'm so sorry. I don't know why they brought you here. I mean, I don't know why the brought *me* here, or anyone else for that matter but...I just, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's alright," she said. "It's not your fault."

"You can't...you don't know that though," he said.

She laughed. She *laughed*. "Please." Then she turned to Violet and said in a low voice, that likely didn't carry to the other girls, "I won't undermine you in front of the others, and I won't pretend to understand the nature or scope of the power you wield. But if you're stuck hosting this farce then there must be people above you, people you are beholden to. And if you hurt him, I will use them like an anvil, and I will break you."

And then she turned around and walked to her podium.

Violet just stared. "You worked for her?" she asked Trevor.

He just nodded.

"God help you." she said as she composed herself, "But in any event, we have to keep things moving."

"Up next", Violet announced, raising her voice, "we have a two-for-one special. These contestants come as a package deal. Please, extend your warmest welcome to harem members six and seven: Riley Meyer and Paige Stevenson!"

Trevor felt his blood run cold. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't be. Trevor watched in mute horror as his best friend and his girlfriend walked down in front of him. Paige huddled desperately against her boyfriend like a barnacle clinging to a hull in a storm. She was terrified, and even from where he was seated Trevor could see her shake.

Riley, for his part, was not doing much better. He kept his gaze downcast, unable or unwilling to meet anyone's eyes. He just stood there, frozen in place like a statue. Trevor's heart broke for him. Riley had never done well under pressure.

Before Violet could even start, Trevor was talking. "Jesus Christ. Riley. Paige. I'm so sorry. I'm going to get you out of this. I promise. I don't know what they want but I'm going to get you out of this. Please just...I'm so sorry."

He didn't know what else to say. Neither did they appearantly, since neither replied back. Paige at least gave him a forlorn gaze before quickly burying her head in Riley's shirt.

"Are you done then?" Violet asked him. The words were may have sounded chastising, but she seemed earnest. He couldn't conjure up anything else to say. He was out of words. She took his silence as a cue and began doing her thing.

Trevor shook his head. He could get why Paige was here. He could understand why someone who didn't know Trevor would bring her on. He'd never though about her that way, but he got it. She had a cute, heart shaped face. Soft skin. Modest breasts but wide hips and one hell of an ass. He didn't need to stretch too far to figure out what Riley saw in her. Of course, he'd never let *himself* think those things. She was Riley's girlfriend. So it was preposterous for her to be here. Trevor would never.

Riley though, Riley made no sense. He made less sense then Laura. He made less sense than Dr. Friedman. Having him here made *no sense at all*. What the actual fuck were they thinking. It was official. Whoever these "show runners" were, they were absolutely certifiably insane.

Or, he thought, maybe they literally weren't human. They had powers he couldn't explain and clearly had no idea how people worked. Shit. They were all on an alien TV show weren't they?

"And for the second time today, it is my pleasure to announce that a virgin is entering the contest." That jarred him out of his spiral, and he was just in time to catch a whimper from Paige as she somehow managed to bury herself even deeper into Riley's chest.

All things considered, the information wasn't exactly surprising. Knowing Paige...yeah, that tracked. She was twenty three, which wasn't even really that old in the grand scheme of things. Riley had never mentioned that they were waiting for marriage, but then he wouldn't have. Riley had always been shy. And it wasn't like Trevor ever asked about his best friend's sex life. They mostly just talked about baseball and TV shows. Trevor shook his head. This wasn't fair.

When it was time for them to take their places on their respective podiums the couple embraced one another tightly. It took a wave of Violet's hand to break them up and get them moving. Only then did Riley look back and lock eyes with Trevor. Thankfully, mercifully, Trevor saw understanding there. Riley gave him a simple nod and Trevor returned it. Riley knew him well enough to figure out that he hadn't put any of this together.

At least things couldn't get any worse. Immediately Trevor regretted the thought. Not thirty minutes ago he had learned that fate was evidently real and here he went tempting it. Besides, Violet had said she was saving the people he knew best for last. Who did he know better than Riley?

"Our penultimate contestant is here to prove that 'ex' is just a letter," Violet called out.

Trevor laughed.