Kazuma ends his night with a terrible mistake

With his pants around his ankles, a Goddess's hands in the front of his shorts, and two pairs of eyes burning into the back of his skull, Kazuma was in panic mode. However, for the now-infamous adventurer, making it out of a tough situation alive through wits and luck was nothing new. He'd taken on the Demon King's generals. He'd saved the town multiple times. He'd- "Oooh! Aghgh!~" He'd never had his balls touched by a woman before!! The work Aqua's hands were doing down there... Was this the script, or could she have some natural, unexplored talent? Or maybe just having them caressed by any woman's hand would be just as good? How the hell would he know?

In spite of the happy work her hands were doing, Aqua was looking up into his face with a mixture of negative emotions. "Kazuma, I can tell from your dumb face that you aren't concentrating. Write something in your stupid script that gets us out of this! You're lucky those two are just standing there...! Ghk!" Aqua's face went slightly green as one of her hands decided to stop teasing Kazuma's balls and begin sliding on his shaft. "I'm not taking this any more! Kazuma, you've got two seconds to do something clever before I either cry out for help or puke on your lap."

"P-puke from all the bubbly, right?" Kazuma hissed at her. "I know you're not talking about getting sick from my perfectly average and healthy body, right?!"

"I wish! I'm not even drunk!" Aqua hissed back at him, wishing she could will her hands to squeeze instead of stroke.

"Oh, is that so? ..." Kazuma's habitual banter trailed off as he considered something. "Drunk... That's it!" Willing the comrades he suspected were behind him to stay still and silent in their judgment, he scribbled in his script with urgency.

Aqua looked incredibly drunk, and the only sounds her mouth could make were a perverted laugh and Kazuma's name. Her body began a lewd **** on Kazuma's.

"Kazuma! Kazuma!!" Aqua continued to hiss in anger. Her heavy, half-lidded eyes glared up at him from over the reddened bridge of her nose. Even as her hands continued enthusiastically working his junk, unseen inside their tent, her body began to wobble back and forth unsteadily. "K-Kazuma... Ehehe... K-Kazuma? Kaaaazumaaaa... Pfttthehehe... Kazuma heheheh!" The image had changed in an instant and was almost perfect. Now, Kazuma was a horrified young man being accosted by a filthy drunk who'd gone past being flirty and into full-blown inappropriateness. The only thing saying any different was the look in each of their eyes, each understanding what the devious party-leader was up to.

"Well then, ahem." Kazuma cleared his throat quietly, then turned on his performance. "Heeelp! Megumin, Darkness, somebody!! My chastity... oh-oh!~ My precious virginity and purity are being stolen by this vile, vulgar beast of an Arch-Priestess! Won't somebody come to my rescue?! Won't someone stand up for my innocence?! Oh, please don't hurt her... She's terribly drunk and knows not what she does!"

He was surprised to hear no response.

"Won't someone, uh... answer if they're standing behind me? I'm being accosted here! I need help!!"

Nothing.

Kazuma turned his head to look in the lit window. It was empty. There was still partying going on inside, but it was loud. Apparently, his cries were going unheard. "Tch! I'm gonna remember this when I actually need help! Or better yet, after today's little excursion, I'm gonna nobly patrol outside the guild hall every night. Somebody might be in real trou-bull!!"

The adventurer's grumbling turned into a yelp of surprise as he was suddenly pushed over onto his back. "Okay, Aqua, what's the big idea?! Do you really wanna piss me off while I have... the... script...?" His voice tapered to a boyish whimper. It was true: he was still holding onto the script. The magic, reality controlling script wasn't the bizarre thing in this situation.

Aqua had climbed over him, bowing her legs so that her already small skirt was **** to pitch uselessly and indecently wide. If it wasn't for the darkness, he was aware he'd be seeing everything that Aqua normally (barely) hid down there. As it was, he could see the outlines of her curvy thighs, but the exact figure disappeared into darkness just between the legs. With a complicated expression in her eyes, but a clearly lewd tongue dangling from her mouth, the Goddess was beginning to lower her unseen business over the pole she'd been working earlier. "Kazuma?! Bueeeeheheh... K-Kazuma! Kazuma, heheh, Kazuma, hehehehe!!" She was swirling her hips at an alarming pace as her legs bowed further and carried her hips lower. It looked like rather than any kind of rubbing or docking, she intended to stir his lower body.

Kazuma, whose bark tended to be bigger than his bite when it came to his perverted proclivities, let out a high-pitched yell. "O-o-oh shit! Oh no no no no! Okay, joke's over! Someone help, someone seriously help! If someone was watching thinking 'haha, this guy's getting his just desserts,' now's the time to actually step in!!" He realized that his shaft had escaped its prison and was bare to the night air, straight up and throbbing thanks to Aqua's second hard work of the day. He, frankly, had no idea if Aqua was wearing panties or not. He'd always questioned if they were just improbably tiny or if she was actually fully commando as the round cheeks she was always carelessly flashing implied. Now, as Aqua's increasingly dangerous-looking bubble butt lowered closer to his body, it seemed he was on track to learn the answer from direct experience.

However... Oddly enough, he was still holding the script. In this situation, he'd been sure Aqua would be holding his arms down so he couldn't use it, so sure that he'd taken it for granted, but that actually wasn't the case. As such, he needed to act fast! He wrote in the words:

Aqua fell on her back and her body was no longer trying to **** Kazuma. Her hands and mouth acted normally-

Before he finished and lifted the pen, he found himself adding to the last sentence.

-But before that, for just a sec, Aqua's ***** slid along Kazuma's *****.

The chicken-hearted adventurer couldn't make himself write the words, but the book seemed to understand what he was looking for. Aqua made contact. Kazuma let out a funny noise as it happened. For just a second, he felt something soft, wet, and exciting...

Then, both the party's leader and its Arch-Priestess were flat on their backs in the dark side street, breathing heavily and working to catch their breath from the near-miss experience. They remained that way for a while. They even heard people leaving the bar and walking past them, unseen in a dark corner.

Kazuma realized they were both looking for a snarky remark to break the awkward silence. Trying and failing. So, completely silent, the two of them got up and fixed their clothing. Wordlessly, hanging their heads, the two stood a moment facing each other.

Finally, Kazuma found the important words his partner for the night needed to hear.

"Bedtime!" he shouted loudly. "I'm going to bed! Good night!"

Kazuma turned on his heel and went home. To bed! He marched stiff-legged like a robot through the empty streets of Axel on the way to the mansion, clutching his script, not thinking about anything. Nothing but bed!

He walked past Megumin and Darkness just in the doorway. It seemed like they'd been waiting for him and wanted a word with him, but he shut them up with his strange, alarming look and shout. "Bedtime! Good night, everyone! Straight to bed!"

He walked into his bedroom, tucked the script into a bedside drawer, and crawled into bed without showering or taking off anything but his shoes. "Good night everyone!" he spoke to the empty room, lying wide-eyed under his sheets. His mind was blank.

Totally empty.

It had to be.

He had to sleep.

He had to not think.

Because if he thought... what he'd think about was...

Kazuma's hand gripped the pillow beside him tightly. He flexed his fingers on it experimentally. As he felt the softness, his eyes began to close. As his eyes began to close, the image started to rise...

A shadowed, blue-framed figure looming over him. Mysterious, yet familiar. And, when it lowered...

"It's bedtime... Time to sleep...!" Kazuma muttered, crying into his pillow as he clutched it tightly. It was useless. There was no way he could sleep now. He needed to re-evaluate things.

It was time to re-evaluate Aqua.

She was annoying. She was useless. She was greedy. She was corrupt. Her good looks were like a pure drop of water in a spit bucket. As far as Kazuma was concerned, details she'd hidden about this world were part of the reason for his daily misery. Her active failure to help complete any quest was a much bigger part. Plus, in the past, Kazuma had sniffed both her hair and her laundry experimentally and got nothing. So, it didn't even matter if she was good looking. She had no sex appeal. Aqua was the ultimate mood killer. The ultimate turn-off.

Only...

Kazuma covered his eyes with his arm, crying into his sleeve. "Her body! It's so soft. It's unbelievable! If I think about the three of them like pillows... where Darkness is too much, and Megumin is too little... Aqua's just right, isn't she?! I was about to feel heaven...! If just it wasn't her! Dammit! If just it was anyone else!! It's like accidentally putting your hand on a hot stove and finding out everyone was lying to you your whole life and it feels amazing! It's like getting a woody because you stubbed your toe! This is not good... not good... gotta go to sleep and forget about it."

The young man was worked up from what was probably the closest he'd come to a sexual experience with probably the least likely candidate he'd ever dreamed, but he was also beat from all the excitement. Surely he could sleep if he tried. Surely.

Surely...

After an hour of lying flat, his eyes bolted wide open. He flew for the bedside table and turned on his light. Desperately, he flipped through the pages. Not the back pages that would blind him, of course: he was trying to look through the recorded history of Aqua. There was something he had to verify before he could sleep. If he could just confirm his worst fears weren't true...

"'I can hear you, Kazutrash,'" Kazuma read from the page, unconsciously adding a high pitch and dopey affect to his imitation of Aqua. "'Your dumb script is making me undo your belt! Hurry up and do some... thing...' Aqua froze, looking over Kazuma's shoulder. There, she saw... D-Darkness and Megumin... Ah."

Kazuma slowly shut the book, put it back in the drawer, and crawled back under the covers. "Haha... Whoever that Kazuma guy is... sure feel bad for him tomorrow... Haha. Sleep time."

Another hour passed, staring at the ceiling.

Kazuma flew for the bedside table and turned on his light. Desperately, he flipped through the pages. He was trying to look through the recorded history of Aqua, again. There was something else he had to verify before he could try to sleep, again. If he could just confirm his other worst fears weren't true...

"Aqua was disgusted. Kazuma was controlling her body, and now he'd gone too far. Aqua could tell that unless something happened soon, she was about to lower herself onto Kazuma's dick. The thought revolted her. How could Kazuma do this to her, his first friend in this world, his reliable party member, his actual Goddess? As her thoughts were repulsed, her body was attracted. She was at the whim of Kazuma's script, and couldn't stop herself, although every fiber of her being screamed for resistance. She wanted to spit on him and kick him in the junk, and then, when his spirit left his body, she wanted to exorcise it slowly and painfully."

Kazuma ought to have felt disgusted with himself as a human being, or offended at being thought of this way in Aqua's narration, or annoyed at Aqua's high opinion of herself that carried over even in text. Instead, he just felt powerful waves of relief. There it was. There was the disgust he was looking for! That was a big problem he had to deal with, sure, and he might get kicked out of his party and his house tomorrow, sure, and he might get strung up in the town square or thrown in jail or locked in a cell or put in stocks, sure. Those were all really terrible for that guy named Tomorrow Kazuma. For now, Kazuma could sleep knowing that at least things were normal. They were within expected parameters. The only things to haunt him and keep him awake were the ones he'd already accounted for.

Smiling, Kazuma continued reading. "Finally, at the last second, Kazuma's written control over Aqua's body was released, but not before her ***** slid on his *****. She let out a funny noise and prayed he didn't hear it. She realized to her horror... she was wet... and she was **** to contemplate the horrible realization... that as scummy, as crummy, as unreliable, as ugly, as despicable, as perverted, and as actually criminal as Kazuma was... actually touching his ***** with her ***** was exciting... She was **** to imagine... what his ***** actually felt like. Aqua could tell she was going to be thinking about Kazuma's ***** for the rest of the night. Why did it have to be that jerk."

Kazuma shut the book, put it back in the drawer, and crawled back under the covers. "Haha... Whoever that Kazuma guy is... sure feel bad for him tomorrow... Imagine having Aqua, of all people, secretly thinkin' about your *****!!" he laughed madly but briefly, actually saying the censorship beep to himself in the dark. "Haha! Sleep time."

He'd sleep on it.