Karen

"Argh...I was just getting comfortable..." I grumble as I reach for the phone. My old-man-on-the-front-porch routine died on my lips when I saw who was calling.

"Karen! I like the new profile pic, but when did you get a chance to put that on my phone?"

"I thought you might approve. I like that side of me better than the generic silhouette you were using before. You know, for an IT guy, you really might want to consider reducing the time before your phone locks. Just saying..."

"Oooh...well played. How's everything over there? You two missing me already?"

"Actually, we are. Which is weird. I've never really been one to pine over a guy, but there's just something about you, master." The seductive tone as the last word rolled off her tongue sent a shiver down my spine. "But as to your first question, it's a mess. Janet's super has already been by and changed the locks, so there's nothing to worry about in that sense, but the dude did a number on her place. The cops are coming by to take a statement, and record the damages. That Willy guy took a shit in her cat's litter box! The TV's smashed, clothes ruined. Janet's a bit of a mess right now."

"What a shitheel. I'll talk to Janet in a second, but before that, I wanted to ask you, do you know what you're doing for a place to live next week?"

If ever an eyeroll was audible through a phone, it was now. "Shit. No. Ellen snagged me before I went into your place with her stupid clipboard. I'm not sure what crawled up her ass, but I'm guessing it was big and had lots of sharp claws."

"Yeah, she got me too. I've got an idea, but I need to run it by Janet first. Could you put her on?"

"Sure. Janet! HEY JANET! Mike's on the phone for you!"

I could hear Janet's distant voice through the mouthpiece, "Master? Ooh...gimme. Hi Master!"

"Hey Janet. Karen says your place got torn up?"

"Yeah, but it's not too bad. I'm going to have to replace some stuff, but my renter's insurance will cover most of it. And what it doesn't will be coming out of William's ass. Apparently the cops didn't get a look at the apartment when they arrested him. So they were all set to let him go out on bail when we called to report the damage. He didn't even make it to the sidewalk before he was back in cuffs."

Sometimes Karma is swift. "Serves him right. So, this is kind of a big favor to ask, but..."

"Yes." Janet's reply was faster than instantaneous.

"Hold on, I haven't even asked the question yet. Karen and I just got evicted from our apartment building. Everyone did. I was wondering if you might be interested in taking in a couple roommates?"

::THUNK::

"HEY! Don't drop my phone!" Karen's plea could be heard in the background. "What did he say?"

"Sorry! Sorry! Here, I'll put you on speaker, but yes. The answer is yes!"

"Karen, I was thinking you and I could move in with Janet, at least for the time being."

"Say yes, please?"

Karen was thinking it over. "It's a really good idea. Not sure if it is a long term solution. It's a pretty nice size apartment. A little bit farther away from my office, but it is just a couple blocks from a train stop. Sure. Let's do it!"

"YESSS! Oh, but...oh no."

"What's wrong Janet?"

"This place is such a mess! I need to get it ready for master to stay here! And what about William?" I could hear the sound of buckets banging together.

"Hold on Janet! You need to wait for the cops to get there before you clean anything up. Tell them you want a restraining order against William. Karen, will you stay and help Janet out? I can come over if you two need me."

"It's okay Janet, just breath. Yeah, Mike, I'll help her out. It might take a while. We'll clean up what we can tonight, and then do some shopping tomorrow. It'll be on someone else's dime, so it will be even more fun. OOh...and she's got a spare bedroom. We could pull a Three's Company scam. Tell the neighbors that I'm her new roommate, and you're just my boyfriend. That should keep their tongues from wagging."

"That...that could work." Janet was starting to relax again. "As long as I get to tell other people that I'm the girlfriend."

"Deal." Karen and I agreed simultaneously.

"We gotta go Mas...Mike. The cops just arrived."

"Okay girls, talk to you later!"

It wasn't until the call disconnected that I realized it had gotten late, and all at once, the accumulated fatigue for the day hit me, and hit hard. I needed to get some sleep. Who knows what chaos will come tomorrow? At least it was the weekend. I've got some time to strategize the mess that my work-life had become.

I had barely hit the pillows before I was out like a light.