Coin of the Realm

“Well shit. Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse, it did. The best thing I can say about my life right now is that I’m not quite stupid enough to actually say, ‘Well at least it isn’t raining.’” I couldn’t help but laugh at the grim situation I found myself in. Most people are optimistic when sitting in the park, but the storm clouds growing above seemed a perfect metaphor for my mood. My name is Mike, I’m a 32 IT Lead at a local business. Roughly six foot tall, I’m pretty average in most ways. Brown hair, reasonably fit. I run when I can, some weight lifting when I can. And my life is now circling the drain

Today actually started out okay, relatively speaking. Beautiful morning, I woke up before my alarm clock went off, and I had my lucky suit pressed and ready to go. If things continued on that trend my presentation at work would have cemented the promotion I’d had my eye on for several months. But as my usage of the past tense demonstrates, things didn’t exactly go that way. From the moment I opened my apartment door, things went downhill, and fast. Now, here I sit in the park, losing my apartment, very likely losing my job, and tonight’s big date with my crush from work was canceled. Damn.

“Well, that’s enough moping,” I say to myself as I get up off the bench. “I might as well swing by the post office on my way home. Maybe they’ve got some boxes I can use to start packing all my shit.”

As I walk along the path, heading up the hill to the parking lot I noticed a dapperly dressed elderly gentleman heading the other way. Despite my situation, I couldn’t help but return his smile and friendly nod. Just because I’m having a shitty day doesn’t mean I need to ruin his. Once we pass each other though, I sink back into the dark pit of my day.

Near the top of the hill, there’s a gorgeous woman coming down the hill towards me. She looked to be mid to late twenties, if I had to guess. Blonde hair, firm breasts that I’d guess were about grapefruit size, swaying gently in her sundress as she sauntered down the hill.

And her face firmly locked onto her phone. She’s completely oblivious as we approach each other.

She’s also completely oblivious to the golf cart speeding down the hill towards us. The driver looks to be slumped over the wheel. I yell as loud as I can, “LOOK OUT!,” but the cart is almost upon us. Thinking quickly, I grab her arm, pivot hard on my feet and fall/jump into the flowerbed lining the path. Well, I was aiming for the flowerbed. From the impact I suspect my back found a couple rocks, and at least one sprinkler head. The blonde lands hard on my chest with a pronounced squeak.

“If this was a romantic comedy, this would be a pretty fantastic meet cute.” I think, but I’m not that lucky. Especially not today.