Joker's upgrades and preparations

Several minutes went into Joker’s thought process. There was just so much to think about. However, what Joker realized rather quickly, was that he was a pervert at heart.

While he wouldn’t admit it in public, knowing better than to harm his reputation as the Alliance’s top pilot, he was a complete porn addict who revelled in the perverse, often relying on EDI to make sure no one found out about his online activities. Joker’s secret desires didn’t impact his job or casual life. Although the thoughts were always there.

And now he could write them all down without worry. After all, who would notice? Even if the magazine didn’t implicate it, it took less than a minute to add a rule that prevented anyone but him from noticing the changes to reality. The rule was ironclad. It had to be, since he’d etched it into reality. He added another one for good measure so that people wouldn’t ask questions if he suddenly began writing in the magazine.

But this change was small and rather insignificant, at least in the grand scheme of things. These words wouldn’t alter the galaxy instantly nor in a way that upset the order of balance. Joker paused as he contemplated all the changes that could. For example, altering the course of the Reaper war would have drastic consequences, let alone erasing the Reapers from the timeline altogether.

Would the galaxy be even the same? He doubted it. More likely, Javik and his fellow protheans would rule, enslaving all the other races – humanity included. Or would his kind even be in charge if Javik’s precursors were never harvested? Technically the leviathans would remain at the top of the food chain in such a scenario. The more he thought about it, the more his head hurt and reconfirmed his beliefs that trying to be the hero would only lead to problems.

If nothing else, the mental exercise helped him understand that his desires had to be worded perfectly. The less interpretation, the better.

Joker’s mind returned to more lecherous ideas and thoughts. Those were his priority. He rubbed his chin, picturing all the wild sex he could get if he wished it. Not just with the many beautiful, amazing women aboard the Normandy or spread across the galaxy. But actual sex in general, too!

Hell, that was his biggest problem anyway. Wasn’t it? People with Vrolik Syndrome – at least those who suffered his variant – didn’t get much action because it was potentially lethal. Too much thrusting or hips meeting each other could lead to his pelvis breaking. Not to mention cracking a few other bones.

Joker’s condition had improved drastically thanks to recent treatments. Doctor Chakwas had followed up on it, making sure he took his medication and attended the monthly appointments. And while annoying he did appreciate it. Yet it wasn’t enough; he still couldn’t enjoy sex to the fullest like other men could.

Truth be told, this was an immense source of frustration for the brittle bone pilot. Despite the many accolades and achievements under his belt, Joker remained envious of men like Shepard who had women flock to him and got to bed them so easily.

Whereas he’d struggled his entire life! As if he was somehow lesser or broken. Joker wanted to reverse that unfortunate fate. To be as healthy as the others, and for his virility to draw in women while turning other men green with envy. A real sex icon!

“Eh, I might as well. I won’t settle for being the cripple any longer. I want to be the guy every woman lusts after, and to make meatheads like Vega look puny in comparison below the belt.” Joker said before getting to work.

Due to recent developments in the field of medicine, it is possible to completely cure people from Vrolik Syndrome through gene therapy. My brittle bone disease was cured shortly after the war. There’s no chance of it ever returning. Additionally, since then, I have gotten decently buff to put some meat on my bones in all the right ways.

That took care of the illness he’d been saddled with since birth. But this wish only fulfilled part of his desires. Now came the other improvement.

I am the most virile man among all of humanity. I can have sex for hours on end due to impeccable stamina and resilience, as well as incredulous albeit non-harmful sperm production. This hyperspermia allows me to cum dozens of times if needed, with each load being massive in quantity. The quality of my semen is also exemplary. It is tasty and arousing for women. In terms of proportions, my cock and balls are fantasy pornstar size.

And with that addition, his journey to becoming a superior version of himself was complete. Joker grinned like a loon as he wrote down the, admittedly, corny lines. Not that he’d feel embarrassed once he had a woman in his lap.

The moment he finished writing, however, he felt amazing.

A glimmer of hope bloomed in Joker’s chest as his whole body felt tougher. Less fragile. It was hard to discern. He just knew instinctively that the weakness that had plagued him throughout his life was finally gone. That scared and elated the pilot. But first he needed to be certain.

Placing his hands on the armrests of his chair, Joker carefully pushed himself up. That simple movement felt smoother than ever. No shaking in his arms, no jolts of pain travelling through his limbs. Joker got up on his own two feet and began patting himself all over. Only then did he cheer.

“Fucking finally!”

Joker laughed like a madman. Words couldn’t begin to describe the joy that he felt in that moment. All the struggles caused by his Vrolik’s Syndrome were officially a thing from the past. This reality-altering magazine was the best thing to ever happen to him!

He was so preoccupied by his healthy body, in fact, that he almost forgot the obscene bulge in his pants.

Joker almost couldn’t believe how big it was – and this was him soft! The area around his crotch filled out immensely, as if he’d stuffed a fat snake in there. Except he felt all of it; the proverbial monster sleeping within his pants was very much real. Even now it stirred gently in response to Joker being stimulated by his own proportions.

The reality-bending magazine had been true to its words; his long-awaited wish came true. Joker experienced numerous emotions while checking himself out. Excitement. Relief. Anticipation. Uncertainty. For the duration of his whole life he’d been chair-bound, incurable by today’s medicine, which could only alleviate some of his ailments and act as a crutch. The endless appointments and treatments were finally over.

And he’d make the most of this. Oh, the galaxy didn’t yet realize what had been unleashed on it!