Johnny Storm Is Hitting On Nairobi

"Hey, beautiful," Johnny Storm said.

His smile was as bright as a new-minted dime. Breath fresh. Body toned and trim. Hair combed. And he was dressed in only a speedo.

"Good morning, Mr. Storm," Nairobi said, and gave him an uncomfortable smile as she filled a bowl with granola. She was dressed in a large Fantastic Four t-shirt over aerobics gear.

"Ni, please, call me Johnny—or better yet, call me when you need a non-stop train to o-to—"

"Jonathan Lowell Spencer Storm!" Sue Storm cut in. The Invisible Woman had just emerged from the wing that held both the master bedroom and Nairobi's guest room, wearing only a blue robe trimmed in white. She pointed at Johnny's package. "I, and the children, are not eating while looking at that. Go put on some proper clothes."

The Human Torch's smile didn't falter. But his blue eyes grew hard.

"Comme on sis, don't be like—"

From knees to navel, Johnny Storm vanished. Nairobi almost choked on her granola. Johnny tried to pass it off with a laugh.

"Okay, okay, you win...I'll go put on pants," he said.

Nairobi looked at Sue and mouthed the words "Thank you."

"He's like that all the time. Compliments, come-ons, trying to show off his body or impress her," Sue Storm said. "But what can I do?"

"Have you or she tried to tell Johnny that she's a lesbian?" Dr. Stone asked.

Sue leaned forward and buried her face in her hands.

"Johnny, I'm flattered, I really am," Nairobi said. "But I prefer women."

They were standing near the window in the living room, out of earshot of anyone who wasn't lurking invisible nearby. The children were at their lessons, Reed in the lab, the Thing having a bowel movement that sounded like an earthquake.

"Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet," Johnny Storm said. "Look, let me take you out for dinner. Somewhere nice! No strings attached. I want to get to know you."

"You want to stick your penis inside me," Nairobi said, flatly. She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"And is that so wrong? Look, I admit I'm attracted to you, but I'm not going to—" he started, then sighed. He leaned against the window in such a way that he brought his head closer to hers, voice dropping low, invading her space. "Look. I know I came on a little strong, but you're really very attractive. And my sister loves you, she never loves any of the women I bring home. I just thought that maybe if we got to know each other a little better, if there was a little chemistry there...who knows?"

It wasn't working. He could see it wasn't working. So he switched tactics.

"Tell you what. Let me take you to dinner, make it up to you, and I promise to stop hitting on you in front of Sue."

Nairobi's face was a mask of indifference. Then she sighed.

"Fine. ONE date. Dinner. NO sex. And you promise to stop hitting on me in front of your sister," Nairobi said.

"Deal," Johnny said with a grin.

"And the date is tonight?" Dr. Stone asked.

Sue nodded, miserably.

"So what are you going to do about?" the psychiatrist said.

The Invisible Woman raised her head, her hands still on her face, peered out between the fingers.

"That's what I wanted to ask you. What should I do? I need advice!" Sue said.