Jocasta Unraveled

Wisps of white smoke passed gently from her lips and hung in the air for a moment before the breeze from the open window carried it away. Monica Bishop stood, tight and tense, one arm across her body gripping the other as she held the cigarette an inch from her mouth. She hated it. As a doctor she knew the health risks, but besides that she hated the taste, the smell, how it lingered on her lips and on her clothes for hours. Yet she needed something to calm herself, to ready her to speak impossible words she couldn’t bear to say because they made reality all the more true. So she sucked on the filter and let that sweet stress relieving nicotine work its magic.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you smoke in nearly twenty years.”

Monica turned slightly to look over her shoulder at the Japanese-American woman sitting in the chair at the center of the room. Melfina Katsuragi stared back at her with shrewd brown eyes, watching and weighing her every movement. That was precisely why Monica had called her. As well as being her best friend from medical school, she was also a damn fine psychologist and the only one that Monica trusted to go rummaging around in her head. Right now her thoughts were a mess. Monica had no idea where to begin, where the beginning even was or how far back the root of her problems went.

“It was never really a habit for me. I’m strictly a social smoker, and even at that I haven’t picked up a cigarette in nearly twenty years,” Monica explained. It was easy to talk about smoking rather than what she really needed to talk about. “I’ve never liked it really, so I always found it easy to quit, for instance when I found out I was pregnant with Taylor or…” She swallowed hard and averted her gaze. After taking another puff, she added, “I haven’t smoked since then.”

“You don’t enjoy it, but you still do it. Why?” Melfina asked, more curious than judging. “How did you get started?”

“I see the psychoanalysis has begun already,” Monica joked while taking another glance at her old friend.

“That’s why you came here, isn’t it?” Melfina remarked with a shrug.

The silence that followed encouraged Monica to answer, rather than let it be filled with her own thoughts. “There’s no big revelation. Smoking was known to bad for your health but lots of girls still did it in the bathrooms and behind the bleachers. Like all things, you try it once, just to see what it’s like. This was before prohibition of smoking in public places became widespread, so if you went out to a bar or a club it was still common to see people lighting up. I only ever did it after a couple of drinks, but it was never a big deal. It just seemed like part of growing up.” Creasing her forehead, she noted, “I wasn’t aware I’d ever smoked in front of you. I thought I’d mostly stopped by college.”

“I admit, I didn’t exactly see it, but it plenty obvious what was going on. You remember when we met at orientation?” Melfina brushed her bleached blonde wavy curls out of her face. “Everyone was so excited to be starting college but you seemed pretty bummed. Still, it was you who struck up a conversation with me, and, god, talk about oversharing. You told me everything. Everything.”

“Oh, lord, I do remember that,” Monica used the one hand not preoccupied with holding the cigarette to cover her face. “I’d just had Taylor and I thought everyone would judge me for being a teenage mom in college. I decided the best way to fight it was to own it, so I told everyone I was married and just had a kid. Even some of my professors. Surprisingly, most people didn’t seem that bothered. They just assumed I was a Mormon or something.”

“You also mentioned that you wanted to get out to a few parties, to still experience the college life as it was meant to be,” Melfina continued her side of the story. “I saw a flyer for a freshers party and thought it’d be a good way to cheer you up. Unfortunately, you also told me that you were visiting your parents that afternoon, so I had to drive down to Azure Rocks to invite you.”

“I remember that too. You already know about my post-partum depression, and I was having a really bad day. I think I expended so much energy trying to be sociable at orientation, I just felt absolutely drained the day after,” Monica said, staring out the window at a tree, leaves dancing in the breeze, shimmering in the sun, as she took another drag of the cigarette. “Half the reason I went to my parents that day was just so someone else could look after Taylor and I could half some time alone.”

“I guess the other half is because that’s where your cigarettes were?” Melfina suggested softly.

“Huh?”

“Your dad answered the door with Taylor in his arms and told me you were upstairs. He didn’t say anything specific but something in his tone makes me think he knew. He told me to knock, and I did and I remember hearing you rush about inside for nearly a minute before you let me in,” Melfina recalled the event, causing the facts and memories to flood back into Monica’s mind. “But you couldn’t hide the smell or how nervous you were. I didn’t have to be a psychologist yet to know you were hiding something, but I was kind of glad it was just smoking. It wasn’t until much later I found out it was symptomatic of a much larger problem.”

“I didn’t realize that you’d noticed. Or that dad knew, though that’s less surprising. It was mostly a coping mechanism, to make me feel a little less blue, and it seemed like a less destructive pick me up than drinking,” she confessed, sucking on the stick and putting its aforementioned soothing capabilities into practice. “But, you’re right, I kept the pack there. I never brought it into the apartment I shared with Gregory. I didn’t want him to know. It was partly the depression talking, I know that now, but I thought he’d view me as a failure, like he’d made a mistake marrying me if he found out that I was struggling with motherhood. This most natural, normal part of being a woman, and I was fucking it up.”

“This is obviously a little late, since you’ve clearly overcome your depression since, and with your medical training, you’re much more equipped to recognize and combat the symptoms, but the best thing you can do for any depression, post-partum or otherwise, is to talk about it,” Melfina told her gently. “Even if there are no solutions to be had, just expressing a feeling does a lot to get it out of your head. In truth that’s what ninety percent of my job is. Not judging, or assessing, just getting people to open up to themselves.”

“I know. And, honestly, the fact that you showed up that day, Fina, lifted my spirits more than any cigarette. To know that someone was thinking about me, or cared about me, really cut through all the darkness in my head. It was still a long road to recovery after that, several months really before I felt back to normal, or I should say back to my old self. But that was definitely the start of the process for me.” Monica swallowed down the tears welling up inside her, though they were tears of gladness. “I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for that.”

“There’s no thanks necessary,” Melfina beamed as Monica turned towards her. “It was also the start of a wonderful friendship, and that’s all the thanks I need.”

“You know, my depression is also why I chose to specialize in gynecology. I didn’t think I could handle being a midwife. Babies are cute but I was concerned it might trigger a relapse, although by that point I’d also had Zack with no side effects, but I simply couldn’t be sure,” Monica revealed as she stubbed out the remains of her cigarette on a saucer Melfina had provided for her ashes. “With gynecology, I thought I could help adequately prepare young women for whatever might come, before it happened.”

Melfina tilted her head thoughtfully as Monica crossed the room and joined her, taking the chair opposite, only a small, low wooden table dividing them. “I thought you said you got into medicine because of your mother?”

“Oh, that’s true. My mom was a nurse. As a cop, my dad got enough hard knocks that he ended up at the hospital pretty often. Nothing serious generally, just stitches and scrapes, all that could easily be attended to by a nurse like my mom. That’s how they met and pretty soon he was going to the hospital to see her even when he didn’t need to,” Monica repeated the story as her father had told it to her. “Even after he became a private detective, she’d patch him up at home after she’d finished her shift, and I got to see her in action. That’s where I got interested in medicine generally, and it’s why I have a great respect for the hard work that nurses do, but I chose gynecology because of my own personal experiences.”

“And your parents,” Melfina continued the questions. “you had a good relationship with them?”

“The best. They were great people, extremely nurturing and loving, but they were willing to give me space and make my own mistakes. Like going to visiting a college campus and hooking up with a charming pre-med student,” Monica said, her parents having been the singular consistent bright spot in her life until her children came along. “Even between themselves they argued occasionally, as all people do, but I also saw them apologize and reconcile, so they built good standards into what I thought a marriage should be, even if I’ve failed to life up to it.”

“Okay, so no problems with your parents. Probably won’t be using Freud then,” the psychologist joked.

“I don’t know about that,” Monica muttered. She didn’t need a psychology to degree to remember Freud’s theories on inter-family dynamics.

“What I am hearing is this reoccurring self-criticism of failure; failure to live up to assumed values of your husband in marriage, failure to match the perceived happiness of your parent’s marriage,” Melfina expounded, becoming serious, while tracing her pencil along a sentence in the lined pad on her knee. “The two are likely connected but a larger issue I believe is that this perceived failure is all internal. No one is telling you that you’ve done anything wrong, but if you struggle to look after your child, you perceive it as a failure.”

“Well, yeah,” Monica frowned, believing that it was something that almost everyone did and, so, didn’t really see the issue. “I don’t need to be told stealing is wrong to know not to shoplift a candy bar. Or, that picking my nose at a party is a social faux pas.”

“It’s true that the social constructs of society are what keep us safe and civil, but they aren’t always what keep us sane and mindful. Is it rude to take a time out from a party and sit alone somewhere? Yes, but if you’re feeling anxious or emotionally exhausted then taking that time to recharge can be much more productive for your mental health,” Melfina elaborated before taking a tentative pause. “Normally, as a therapist, I would never bring up issues to a patient, unless they’ve already indicated that it’s a problematic area. However, as your friend, I will say that the news stories haven’t gone unnoticed. Has this sense of failure been brought to the surface again by the exposure of your affair with Robert Ravers and the question of Zack’s paternity?”

“Of failure…not with Robert, no,” Monica said carefully, still unready to divulge her most deviant acts with her own son. “My affair with Robert was never a matter of failing as a wife. I always acknowledged it as my fault, but strangely, it never felt wrong. Not like smoking does. If we’re talking about doing things for my own benefit verses controlling myself because it’s what society expects of me, the affair was definitely something I did for myself. Gregory and I were getting back on track. Swinging was meant to help with that. And I could have left it at that, as a fun night, but I felt so alive and full of energy afterwards. I pursued it because it made me feel good.”

“And that didn’t make you feel like a slut?” Seeing Monica’s raised eyebrow, Melfina added, “Not that I’m judging. That’s not my job. I make observations and help lead people to their own conclusions. But you viewed yourself as a failure based on what you imagined other people would say about your smoking, or your depression. You didn’t imagine what Gregory or your parents or Robert’s partner would say about the affair?”

“I knew it was wrong to cheat, to continue having sex behind my husband’s back, but it felt like the one thing that I could do in my life where I was able to shut my brain off and mute my feelings and just let go. Robert made me feel so free…” Monica hesitated, thinking about how Zack made her feel exactly the same. “Robert was dating Brooke at the time, he told me that, he didn’t hide it. What he didn’t say, but that I sensed, was that he was using me as an outlet for all of his wilder desires. He’d go to her and play the perfect, rich boyfriend, then come to me and work out all of his dark, restrained lust.” She exhaled an uneven breath, her body tinging just thinking of their time together. “And I loved it.”

“Letting go, feeling free, being wild,” Melfina echoed the words as she looked over her notes again. “Would it be fair to say you felt trapped in your marriage?”

Monica shook her head. “Gregory was perfect. Everything I should have wanted. I still remember when I first laid eyes on him. I was visiting the Green Hill campus in preparation of going there the following year and there was a party for all the future students. Gregory was still in the undergrad portion of his medical degree, and was helping out at the event to bolster his resume for next year. We got to talking and hit it off. It helped that we had Azure High in common. He was kind and insightful and charming in an unassuming kind of way.” That made her smile too, thinking of all the qualities Gregory had nurtured in her son. “I thought he was really good boyfriend material, which may have influenced my decision to sleep with him, I admit. But I only thought it would be a one-night stand, but there was a mix up where I forgot to bring my pill with me on the trip and in heat of the moment Gregory didn’t suit up. Nine months later we had Taylor, but before I got too big, we got married. But even though I never expected it to happen, what I want you to understand is that I didn’t oppose it. As I said, I ‘d already considered him as a kind of ideal long-term partner.”

“Even so, that long term partner was only marrying you for your child,” Melfina pointed out. “Motives and intention matter, in crimes and in psychology. Something that should make you feel good, done for the wrong reasons, can cause bitterness and resentment.”

“I never thought badly of Gregory because of it. From the moment I told him, he wanted to be apart of Taylor’s life. He didn’t actually propose until his father made him, partly because it was the right thing to do, and also to assert his paternity rights. But Gregory never cared about any of that. His main priority was always Taylor, and her birth drove him to try even harder to be best doctor that he could be, for her sake. He’s always been driven by family, not money, and he chose to go to medical school in Green Hills just so he could be close, though he still had to study a lot and work long hours.” Monica quickly continued, guessing at Melfina’s next question. “I didn’t resent him for that either. I felt lonely, a little, then, but having gone through the exact same process, working as a doctor myself, I know the demands of patients and administration. And Gregory’s work is so much more life or **** than mine. I honestly can’t imagine the pressures and stress that he’s under on a day to day basis.”

“I’m not going to disagree with your own feelings,” Melfina assured her with a small smile. “I’m simply trying to get to the root of the problem, of why you came here to see me today, which you still haven’t told me.”

“Well, it’s difficult. And…” Monica stared hard at her old friend. “Fina…you wouldn’t call the police on me, would you?”

The psychologist straightened up, wide eyed as she stifled a gasp. “It’s that serious? Well…no…not unless you were an actual danger to yourself or someone else.”

What she and Zack were doing was absolutely dangerous, she acceded to herself, possibly both mentally and emotionally scarring for years to come, although just like Robert, it didn’t feel wrong. She weighed the consequences of telling Melfina. It seemed like an irredeemably bad idea to speak of it aloud to anyone, but she had to. It was the whole reason she’d made the appointment; to tell someone, an outside, and to find out why she wanted to do it, and, critically, why it felt so fucking good.

“I want to have sex with my son.”

The words came out fast, as if they had to be rushed out or they wouldn’t be said at all. And in the silence that filled the room, they had seemed louder than intended. Monica had hoped she might even feel a wave of relief from just voicing the desire but instead she was filled with dread that she’d done the wrong thing, that she and Zack really were about to be arrested for their blatant disregard for the laws of man and nature. Immediately her mind began working to decide how she could control the damage. Perhaps she could tell them it was all her, that she **** him…

“Zack?” Melfina clarified, still stunned.

“Yes, Zack,” Monica huffed. “How many sons do you think I have?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just…this is unexpected…” Melfina scratched her head and turned over to a new page in her pad. “When you called, I sort of assumed it had something to do with Gregory or Robert…but Zack…I guess we’ll be using de Saussure rather than Freud then.”

“So, you’re not going to turn us over to the authorities?” Monica asked with a glimmer of hope.

“Not until I get some more details,” But seeing her friend’s worried face, Melfina assured her further. “Oh, I’m not calling anyone. I know you too well to know you’re not abusing the boy, but I can’t help you out of the situation if you don’t tell me more. You said you want to have sex. Can I take from that statement you haven’t been sexually active so far?”

“No, we’ve been sexually active. It just hasn’t gone that far. The problem, I mean there’s many problems with what we’re doing, but the most troubling one to me, right now, is that the acts keep escalating. Before I rang you, we were in Gregory’s study where he ate me out upon his father’s desk, and I stroked him to climax using my feet. He wasn’t even meant to be there. I’d gone round to get some of my stuff while Greg was out, and Zack called around to speak to his dad, and as soon as we were in the same room everything seemed to fall apart.”

“Before that, I’d gone to Ravers Enterprises to tell him about the paternity test and apologize for not telling him before it leaked to the news stations. He sucked on my breasts and I ended up on my knees, giving him a blowjob until he came in my mouth and on my bare chest. Again, purely unintentional, and in fact, I’d been avoiding him for most of the day because I was worried what might happen between us because of my own mounting lustful desires.”

“You see it goes back even further than that. I saw him having sex with my administrative receptionist at the clinic. I saw him naked, with his young, hard cock buried inside that woman’s snatch and I wanted it to be me. I felt so gross for thinking it, and yet I couldn’t stop thinking it. I still can’t stop thinking about my own son, fucking me, like he fucked that woman. Melfina, you have to help me. It’s consuming me. I can’t seem to avoid it. No matter what I do, we end up in the same place at the same time, like it’s inevitable.”

“Nothing is inevitable that you do not allow to be inevitable. It’s not surprising that avoidance didn’t help though. It’s not a recognized method of coping with addition or desire, precisely because it does nothing to combat the underlying causes. It’s like giving someone cough medicine for throat cancer,” Melfina asserted while tapping her pen thoughtfully again the notepad. “Someone with alcoholism can’t just avoid bars. They also need to deal with reason why they want to drink. So, we need to get down to the root of why you want to have sex with your son.”

“Alright,” Monica agreed readily.

“First of all, I think we can rule out any other forms of incestuous complex,” Melfina watched her carefully. “By which I mean, when you think of your father, you don’t also want to have sex with him too?”

Monica shuddered. “What? No! Ew.”

“Interesting.” Melfina made quick note in her pad. “Your natural sexual aversion, or wisdom of repugnance, at least as it concerns your father seems to be fully intact. It’s just Zack then, so what it is it specifically about him?”

“I believe it began when some of his friends came to the clinic looking for birth control. One, a girl, let it slip that he was sexually active,” Monica revealed, choosing her words to avoid revealing the identity of any one involved. Not only did she want to keep Heather out of scrutiny, but as her patients they were entitled to their own confidentiality. “The other, a boy, I ended up having sex with. In part, he reminded me of Robert. He was so witty and cock sure. But, really I think he was a substitute for Zack. How else do you explain that I heard about Zack’s exploits with these young women and the first thing I do is to have sex with a boy his age?”

“Transference, yes,” Melfina mused, pursing her lips. “But I’m not so sure it’s a transference of Zack on to others, but of Robert onto these young men. You admit you saw something of Robert in this young man you had sex with at the clinic. Do you see anything of Robert in Zack as well?”

“Well, yes. Although he’s known for his sexual exploits, Robert is a good man. He always acts with the best of intentions and never means to hurt anyone. Zack is very similar. He’s more of a romantic, searching for that perfect relationship, but he’s got a good heart too.” She chuckled lightly as another comparison came to mind. “That, and they both have huge dic-”

“Aaaaaah, I’m not sure I need to hear this…” Melfina raised her notepad to hide her blushing cheeks. Lowering it slightly and peeking over the top, her curiosity got the better of her. “Just how big are we talking?” Monica spaced out her hands to demonstrate their length, and Melfina lowered the pad to her knees again as her jaw dropped. “Seriously?”

“Robert is a little bigger than Zack, but yeah,” Monica grinned like she was schoolgirl gossiping about boys again.

“Well, ahem…where was I…oh, right, yes…” Melfina cleared her throat and searched for her place in the notes. “What is the precise order of events of your interactions with Zack over the last week?”

“After I had sex with that young man at the clinic, I decided to visit Zack up at his friend’s cabin. I did so under the guise of checking up on him because of what I’d been told about his sexual activities, but it was honestly more out of curiosity than concern,” Breezing past that admission before her friend could make anything of it, Monica continued to recount the events. “There, I was surprised when I met Robert visiting his daughter as well, and after some reminiscing, we ended up kissing, which Zack saw. He also, although I didn’t realize this until later, saw us have sex later that night.”

“The following day, Zack showed up at the clinic and confronted me over the timing of my affair with Robert and his possible parentage. That’s when I found out that he’d seen us having sex. I visited Robert that night as well to get a DNA swab and we ended up having sex. Zack visited me again, this time to ask me to reveal the affair to Gregory, because he was helping Robert out with the business side of things at Ravers Enterprises, and that’s when I saw him naked,” Monica paused, almost licking her lips at the memory but caught herself and quickly carried on. “Zack insisted on being there for the admission, although I didn’t really protest too much. He already knew many of the details. After Gregory understandably got upset and told me he wanted me out of his house, Zack comforted me and that was the first time, held in his arms, that we almost…that we nearly…”

“Okay, I think I’ve heard enough anyway. There are two issues at play here it seems. One is definitely some slight transference of Robert on to Zack. The two are explicitly linked in your mind. When you engaged in sex with Robert, Zack was almost always nearby, or involved in spirit, such as when you went to get the DNA sample. Those roles then started to reverse. When you went to talk to Gregory about Robert, it was Zack who was physically present,” Melfina relied her observations, making only brief glances at her notes. “Our minds are highly subject to our routine and repetition, so when you let these thoughts recur daily, it becomes a kind of knee jerk reaction. This emotional baggage was wrapped up in sex, and when that was no longer available from Robert, it seems to me that your mind engaged with the next male figure available; your son.”

“Secondly, and the more important issue, I believe, is the parentification, or spousification, of your son. So, this happens when children are expected or **** to take on the role of a parent in a household. It can be something has innocuous as a brother being expected to care for a younger sibling while the parents are at work, or it can be on a more emotional level as it is with you and Zack, where in the confusion of who his father is, you have been essentially left without emotional support, of which Zack has picked up the slack.” Sweeping her bleached blonde hair from her face, Meflina drew her conclusions. “This has created a symmetrical relationship in your emotions where you son has begun to fill the traditional role of the male in your life and your biological response is to react as if he were Gregory or Robert or any other non-related male in your life.”

“Okay, I think I follow what you’re saying. I want to have sex with Zack because Robert isn’t available physically and because Gregory isn’t available emotionally,” Monica surmised, creasing her forehead as she thought about what she’d been told.

“Essentially, yes,” Melfina pouted to have her expertise condensed as so.

“So, what is the solution?” Moncia asked. “How do you deal with these issues in people?”

“It varies from person to person, and depends on the child in question. The general intent is to reaffirm the old boundaries, usually by asserting the parents superior role in the relationship. I’m wary of suggesting that you simply return to your old relationship though, since even small actions like cooking for him might end up being more like a date, and become foreplay,” Melfina tapped the end of the pen against her lip as she gave the problem more thought. “I’d caution against avoidance as well, but when you are together, try to have another man there, such as Robert, who can enforce the idea that you are sexually unavailable. Returning to that parent-child dynamic can be difficult but if you want to avoid having sex with your son it is important.”

If she wanted…Moncia stated the ground for a moment, considering if not having sex with Zack was really what she wanted. Of course, it was what she should want, but her own feelings were a complete mess. Her hands on her lap began to dig into her thighs through her skirt. “This…’parentification’, is it damaging? To Zack, I mean. Have I royally screwed him up?”

“Not necessarily. The difficulty in this case is Zack’s age. He’s eighteen. He’s practically an adult and legally he can consent to whatever he wants. Unlike a younger child who may be **** to take on adult roles before their time, Zack has the ability to decide for himself to be a part of this, to stay by you emotionally, or to separate himself from it entirely. In truth it may require a joint session with both of you to ascertain his full role in all of this,” Melfina mused, quickly noticing her friend’s agitation. “Are you okay? It’s alright to feel uncertain or overwhelmed. The mind isn’t something that can be fixed in one sitting.”

“It’s not my mind that is the problem, I fear.” Monica clenched her hands into fists. “I understand everything you’ve said. But what happens when I still want to do it. When it seems right, even if I understand that its wrong.”

“My job isn’t to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong. My role here is to help you understand why you think something is right or wrong, but I can never influence anyone to do anything. Only if there’s actual harm do I get involved, and as the situation currently stands, both you and Zack have been gradually moving towards the same point, seeing each other as sexually available adults, and our minds are wired to see such people as fair game for mating and reproduction,” Melfina explained. “If you still want to have sex with your son, and he consents, I’m not going to stop you.”

“R-really?” Moncia looked at her friend, wide eyed.

“I hasten to add that I’d caution against it, in principle. In practice…we don’t know how common this kind of thing really is. Consenting adults who engage in this don’t make it known for reasons of legality,” Melfina said, being careful with her words. “It really goes back to what I said earlier about the social constructs of society keeping us safe and civil, but they don’t always keep us sane, or happy.”

“There really aren’t any easy answers,” Monica realized with a sigh.

“I’m afraid not. Sometimes I wish my job was as easy as prescribing a **** to be taken twice daily for the next five days and everything bad in their mind would go away. I can’t even **** anyone to take my suggestions, and to do so usually only causes more harm than good. You learn that people have to come to their own choices, for better or for worse,” Melfina sympathized, reaching over the small table and placing a hand on Monica’s knee. “Whatever you decide to do, I’ll help you through it. I won’t judge.”

“Thank you,” Monica smiled and placed her hand on Melfina’s. “I needed to hear that.”

“So, what are you going to do now?” The therapist asked, as a friend rather than a professional.

“Think. You’ve given me a lot to consider, but I can’t ignore my own feelings. Even knowing the reasons why, I can’t stop thinking about…” An image of her son’s huge, hard cock flashed in her mind. “…it.” She finished the sentence breathlessly. “But until I make a decision about what I’m going to do, I will take your advice. I’ll try to make sure Robert or someone is around when we meet, and I may even consider bringing him to our next session.”

“That’s a good idea. I’d like to see it for myself.” Her face flushed suddenly, realizing what she’d implied. “Your relationship, the dynamic I mean, not, um, that.”

Monica giggled and grinned. “Fina, are you blushing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so flustered.”

“Well…I suppose I have nothing to be ashamed of. He’s not MY son,” she said straightening up in her chair and composing herself again. “It’s reasonable for women to want to have sex with younger men. Such virility is instinctively attractive.”

“That’s true. Perhaps we’ll have to find you a young man of your own,” Monica teased as she reminisced about her time with both Kurt and Zack. “Such a pity you don’t have a son of your own.”

Melfina balked, her jaw dropping. “Maybe I should have you locked up. You’re a bad influence.”

“Me? You’re the one who encouraged me to go out partying at college. Before I met you, I was a nice, normal girl from a small town.”

“Who came to college already married and with a child,” Melfina reminded her matter of factly. “And I only ever invited you to a few frat parties. You ended up going to a swinger party without any intervention from me.”

“That was Gregory’s idea. And it was Robert’s party. So, when you think about it, they’re really to blame for corrupting me,” Monica joked, spreading her hands. “So, I’m completely absolved.”

The bleached blonde Asian laughed, and said, “I don’t think I have time to unpack all of the psychology in that. As they say in the movies, that’s all we have time for.”

“I think you’re supposed to say that when I’m on the verge of a major breakthrough, so I’ll come back,” Monica suggested as she stood. “Am I gotta get hit by a big fat bill for my time too?”

“The fattest,” Melfina stood too, moving to embrace her friend. Hugging her tight, she said, seriously, “Whatever you need, Mon, anytime, I’m here for you.”

“Thank you,” Monica smiled as they pulled apart, though remained in each other’s arms. “I’ll let you know when I make my decision.

Monica Bishop left the therapist’s office clearer than when she’d arrived. She was no surer of her next step and there was a lot for her to meditate on still, but she no longer felt guilty or ashamed. Right and wrong were a matter of personal sanity, and it was up to her to figure out for herself and her own happiness, what was best for her relationship with her son. It was up to her to decide whether she wanted to return to the rules of society, or to finally cross that great taboo line and fuck her son.