Jay-Pee the goofy vamp

“Glad to see you back on your feet, I am JP.”

You open your eyes to see the waiter. He is wearing a red clown nose.

“You’re not literally on your feet but that’s the expression and I love expressions, they carry lots of interesting ambiguities. For instance: “I’m glad to see you back on you feet”, when you are actually laying on a pile of towels. Does it mean that I am glad that you are somewhere you are not or that I want you there ASAP?”

You look at the man. You really do not know what to make of him. His word output is impressive and his happiness is contagious. In a way, he is helping you with your transition. The constant rambling has something soothing and it gives a welcomed distraction from the **** the outside world has decided to conduct thoroughly on your new enhanced senses.

As a delicious wave of pleasure that has been growing in your lower belly rides your guts, you look at him and tap your nose. He looks back at you feigning incomprehension.

“Your nose?”

“Ah! My nose!” He stops, retakes a serious face and says with a hint of threat, “what about my nose?”

“Well, it’s...”

“It’s what? Is there something wrong with my nose? Is it too big? My nose is not too big, my teeth are,” he continues displaying his fangs, “but I would say, young lady, that, when it comes to teeth size, you’re not in the regular category yourself either. So please could you leave my nose out of this?”

You cannot hide a giggle.

“Come on, what’s with the nose?” You insist.

“The nose?” He answers playful, “what do you make of it?”

“I don’t know... it’s red, round and made of plastic.”

“Uhu, and who wears this kind of noses, normally?”

“Well... clowns?”

“Exactly, therefore...”

“You’re a clown?”

“Bravo! Yes, I am a clown, professional clown, for the last twelve years, does not pay much, that is why I ended working on Mistress Mina’s Caribbean Cruise of the dead. I really did not plan on growing these fangs when I joined but I am not complaining, the food is exquisite and the company, marvelous. Talking of which do you fancy a bite?”

“I... I really would not mind, but JP was it?”

He nods.

“Could you slow down a bit. This is a bit new for me.”

“Yup, I can understand that, but JP - it stands for John Paul, by the way - JP the clown does not slow down, if anything he accelerates and that is part of his charm, or was because JP the clown is no more, he died, miserable and alone, of a blowjob not too far from here, four days ago. I am here preparing for all you passengers to arrive and this beautiful young girl that works at the top deck Olympic pool, comes up to me. JP, she tells me, fancy a blowjob? I tell her that she is very nice but that I do not swing that way. She insists and there we go, a toothy BJ for JP and JP the clown is no more, in his place, taking on his face, is JP the vamp, and JP the vamp is even worse than JP the clown, because JP the vamp is not only after your laughs, he is also after your blood... Talking of which, about that bite. Any preference? Boy, girl? Blonde, brunette, redhead, bald? Big titted, big dicked? Both? That might be a bit tricky to find, but I am not letting you down, my princess, if this is what you wish. I, JP, your vampire knight, will do everything in my power to fulfill your every desire, even if that desire is a big titted, big dicked, one armed, bald Philipino!”

You cannot contain your laughs anymore.

Somebody knocks on the door. He swiftly takes off the nose and reverts back to his human face. He clears his throat.

“Yes? What is it?”

The door opens and the pale girl appears.

“She’s back? Good. The mistress will want to see her and JP, please, do not pull out the nose on me again, it’s tiresome.”

“But, but, but, but...” JP slaps himself, “sorry I got stuck in a loop, but ... she needs to feed first, you know how it is. You were ravenous, I was ravenous, she is, most definitely, ravenous. Why don’t you cut her some slack and we’ll both go see our beloved Mistress once she has fed. Is this good for you?”

“Whatever...” she says closing the door behind her.

“Argh! Those guys, come on! As an infamous clown once said: why so serious? It pisses me off, everybody is taking all this far too seriously. In this mad mad world we live in, you need to loosen up. Anyway, let’s get the fuck out of here. We’ll find you a nice juicy bum to sink those baby fangs in on our way to the bridge... but maybe my vampire princess wants a second to freshen up first? I will be waiting for you outside...”

He steps out the room. Five busy minutes later, you land a quick look into the mirror. You look better, much better, almost desirable, totally hot actually. You grin.

JP is sitting at the bar, waiting for you.

“Is my vampire princess ready for the ride of her life?”

“I am...” you answer giggling.