Jake's BFF gets a call

"Dude, calm down," replied Jake's BFF Jordan laying on his bed waiting for some time to pass before he had to leave for school, idly watching Netflix on his bedroom flatscreen, "What do you mean Melissa drove off with her dweeby neighbor while giving him head? You're trippin', man. You are clearly way too high or just had a bad dream. Melissa would never do that to you!"

"No, dude. Just get over here right away to Melissa's house. I was there, I saw it..." complained Jake.

"Duuuuude," exclaimed Jordan running his hand through his head and sitting upwards, getting annoyed at how far Jake was taking this 'joke', "I'm not driving all the way there over some practical joke. Just get into your car and I'll see you at school."

"No, he, ugh, turned the Porsche into a crappy old Ford Pinto with no gas...and flat tires," realizing how ridiculously crazy he was sounding.

"Hahaha. Porsche. Yeah right. Look dude. I'm not sure what kind of practical joke you're trying to play but that's not even possible, dude. First, you don't own a Porsche. You've always had a piece of shit Ford Pinto and Melissa suddenly having an irresistible desire to give head to a dweeb .... I dunno," explained Jordan at a loss of words for something equally unlikely.

"Dude, I swear. It's fucking James," Jake pleaded, "He's got some weird powers or something.... he's playing with Melissa's head and apparently yours as well. I own a Porsche damnit!"

There was a pause on the other end of the phone and then Jordan sighed. "James? Dude, the "dweeb" you were talking about before is James?"

"Yes! James! You know the dweeb who lives across the street from Melissa. The one who we pantsed the other day in the middle of gym class!"

"Dude," Jordan started with exasperation this time, "You've lost your mind. Are you seriously calling me at this hour complaining about Melissa giving James head? That's all you've been talking about for the past year. You've been dying to come up with a way to get James to accept head from Melissa and fuck her silly."

"I what?" Jake sounded back but was quickly interrupted by Jordan.

"Yeah dude," Jordan continued, "and as far as us pantsing him, what are you talking about? That wasn't us man. It was the entire girl's volleyball team so they could finally find out if the rumors were true about James being well James sized or just stuffing his pants. We had to just sit there on the sidelines and watch it happen! There's no doubt now he'll be the most desirable guy in school to any size queen. No wonder Mel's in his car. "

"Wait what?" Jake tried to start but was interrupted again by a sound coming from Jordan's side of the phone.

*Ding Dong.* *Ding Dong.* 1 second pause. *Ding Dong,* *Ding Dong* *Ding Dong*.

"So now I know you've been trippin' man, in which case I want some of what you're having", explained Jordan, "or you are playing some stupid practical joke that I really don't have time for. Look, I just heard Mel's signature ring, you know, '1-2, 1-2-3, go Tigers!'".

"Wait, Melissa is there? Fuck," replied Jake, "I thought they'd be driving to school. Why the hell are they there?"

"Duh, cause I'm sure my identical twin sisters want to tag team his giant cock next, obviously," replied Jordan as he slowly climbed out of bed towards his bedroom door, "They probably invited him over last night after they found out the rumors about his cock were true. I gotta go let him in man. Can't keep James and Melissa waiting. My sisters would never let me hear the end of it. You know how horny women get for James. Talk to you later, Dude. Haha, James a dweeb. That was a good one," and with that Jordan clicked the end call button on his phone.

Back in front of Melissa's house, Jake stood alone in front of the deflated defueled Ford Pinto with a look of horror on his face. "But you don't have twin sisters!" is all he could muster as he slid down next to the bird shit covered rust bucket and crumbled, "You only had one..."