It’s my brother

The closer I get, the more I get the feeling this guy looks an awful lot like my brother. I start to worry and stop. What if he is? I don’t want to be caught by him. Not after what happened with our parents. I decide to not risk it and turn around to run back to the path.

“Gwendolyn! Wait!” The guy behind me yells. That is when I know for certain it’s my brother. I recognize his voice.

I hurry between the trees and get frustrated every time I find my path blocked by a large bush or hedge. I weave between them and keep hearing my brother getting closer behind me.

“Gwen! It’s me! Stop!” Gawain yells again.

But then I see the path. I hurry towards it and almost trip over the rope as I jump across. Then I take another few steps so I stand on the other side of the path. Only then do I finally feel safe and stop running.

“Gwen, why did you start running?” Gawains asks me from his side of the rope. “Don’t you remember our promise?”

“We promised to look after each other.” I tell Gawain. Then I look him in the eyes and say, “So where were you when dad kicked me out?”

Gawain lowers his head and looks to the ground. Then he says, “I’m sorry. I was scared.”

“Scared?” I ask. “Dad threw me out of the house! I was naked! Don’t you think I was scared?!”

“I didn’t know what to do!” Gawain says with desperation in his eyes. “I didn’t know what to say! You’ve seen dad angry before. He doesn’t want to listen to other people when he is like that. He is always right, even when he’s wrong. And when he is actually proven wrong, he storms off in anger to his brewery where he can be by himself.”

That is true. Dad has never been one to handle criticism well. Regardless how well intended it is. And our love was not right. It was wrong. There is no doubt about that. It would have been impossible for Gawain to talk dad into going along with our wickedness.

I think back to the day dad threw me out of the house and decide to tell Gawain about it.

“I had to ask Riannon’s family if I could spend the night with them.” Her mother is the town spinner whom I was apprenticing under. “They were kind enough to offer me a place to stay. But after dad told everyone about us having sex, Quinn started worrying about his daughters. It also didn’t help that he went to talk to dad about what happened. I’m sure dad told him a whole bunch of lies. So, then I got kicked out from there as well because Quinn thought I would be a bad influence on his daughters!”

As I am telling Gawain this, I feel my eyes filling with tears and I wipe them away.

Gawain then apologizes by saying, “I didn’t know.”

“You’re goddamn right you didn’t know!” I reactively yell at him. “You never bothered to come talk to me.”

“I couldn’t!” Gawain says. “Mom and dad made certain to keep me away from you. I’ve been wanting so badly to just talk to you, but I never found a chance to do it. It’s also not as if Gavin is the most hospitable guy either, you know.”

“The point is that I couldn’t rely on you, Gawain.” I tell him. “I needed you to be there for me, but you weren’t.”

Gawain is silent for a moment. He is probably thinking about what next to say. I wait until he is ready, for I am actually curious what he has to say for himself.

He takes take a deep breath, then tells me. “You’re right, sister. About everything. I should have stood by you, and I didn’t. When dad kicked you out of the house, I didn’t do what I was supposed to do. But I have learned from that. Ever since then, I’ve been thinking about that day. About what I could have done differently. I came to the conclusion that I should have gone to the elders. Explain to them that it was not just you, but both of us. That the reason we grew so close to each other is because of Samhain. That we were under the guidance of the souls of our ancestors.”

It certainly would have been better than doing nothing. But how would that have changed anything?

I place my hands at my sides and ask, “And what then, Gawain? What would have happened then? What would have been different?”

“I would have told the elders that I no longer want to return home. That I would rather sleep in the woods than go back home. Perhaps then you wouldn’t have to live at Gavin’s farm and we could both be homeless together. We could have found some dead branches in the forest and build ourselves a roof. We would have found a way to make it happen. And if the village didn’t want us anymore, than we would simply leave. Travel to another village. To some place where people don’t know us. There we could pretend we weren’t siblings and start a new life. I am still willing to do that for you now, Gwen.”