Intimidate The Barkeep

Chris: I pull out my sword and point it at the bartender and tell him to leave her be and treat her with the proper respect befitting a lady.

Miranda: Ah. That is sweet.

Anna: Oh Fuck. You screwed up.

Chris: Why?

Anna: You picked a fight, in a bar, with the guy who pours the drinks for everyone else.

Miranda: No one kill anyone this time if you can. We don't need the town guard after us as well.

Sam: Or we just kill everyone and leave no witnesses.

Paige: It's a full tavern.

Sam: But think of all the experience points we will get for clearing the room.

Miranda: Um, no. Paige would have us fighting the whole town.

Paige: Yep. The barkeep is undaunted by your intimidation tactics.

The bartender pulled out two swords from behind the counter and twirled them around and pointed both at me. Suddenly an arrow came out of nowhere and embedded into my shield on my back. I glanced over to see it was Artemis who had fired from on top of one of the tables.

“Sorry.” Artemis replied and held up her hand as she bit her lip. “I was aiming for the other guy.” Great. A drunk elf with a bow and arrow. A dwarf grabbed her by the ankle. Selene came up behind the dwarf and slammed him face first into the table. Before slinging him off backwards onto the ground and stomping on his crotch. Guess she fought dirty. Things escalated from there as six more dwarves at a nearby table stood up.

The barkeep charged me swirling his blades as I pulled my shield off my back and got ready to defend myself from the clearly more experienced fighter. As he charged at me Minerva hit him with a spell and then the guy fell over petrified.

“Oh god. They killed Kenny.” One of the dwarves yelled.

“Those Bastards.” Another bald dwarf said and slung a hatchet at me.

The dice falls.

I barley have time to block as it stuck into my shield. He draws two more axes. I grabbed Minerva and kicked over a table as the people between us who had been sitting there flee out of the way. I ducked behind the makeshift barricade as the two axes, several throwing knives a crossbow bolt, and a bottle of **** of some kind hit the table. Minerva grabbed me and gave me a kiss.

One of the dwarves comes around behind us on Minerva's side when an arrow hits him in the knee. At least she hit the right person this time.

One of the dwarves charged Selene with a war hammer. She opened her cloak to flash him her tit and he froze in place where she kicked him in the balls.

Minerva threw up her hand and turned our barricade into a battering ram as she sent it hurdling into three of our attackers knocking them back and shattering the table including the one with the crossbow. The last of the dwarves charged me as I drove my shield into his foot and then up into his jaw as he bit his tongue.

Paige: Ain't. You aren't allowed to us dirty fighting. You are a paladin.

Chris: Who was raised by a black smith and not by a Knight.

Paige: You are supposed to be honor bound. You are the one who said you said you swore a vow of chastity which means you follow a code of honor.

Chris: Fine.

I charged the fucked ducking down as and sliding into him and used my shield to send him flying over my head and he landed on his back stunned. The place had erupted into an all out brawl as I couldn't tell who was on who's side at this point.

Artemis pulled out her flute which she had stuffed between her cleavage and played a little tune. A few seconds later the tavern broke out into chaos as rats came out of the woodwork.

“This way.” Selene said as she went over the bar top toward the back stopping to grab a bottle and threw it at the nearest person giving them a face full of glass as it shattered on there head and **** burning there eyes.

Minerva threw up her hand and twisted her wrist as she pointed at one of the dwarves who was getting up from having the table thrown at them. He seemed to switch sides and tackled another of his buddies. The one with the crossbow realizing what is going on raises his weapon and fires on her as I quickly protect her taking a bolt to my wooden shield and push her toward the back exit and we are joined by Artemis bringing up the rear who raises up her skirt and moons everyone before Selene closes the door. Minerva uses her magic to push a cupboard in the way.

“Well that was fun.” Selene smiled slyly as there is a pounding on the other side of the door.

“What are you doing in my kitchen?” A voice said and we turned to see a large orc sipping soup from a pot. He put down ladle and wiped his hands calmly on his apron and picked up a giant meat cleaver big enough for butchering cattle. “Leave now. No one is suppose to be back here.”

“Easy big fellow. We are just passing through. Your food taste delicious by the way.”

Roll

“Why thank you. I picked the herbs myself this morning. I think it adds a nice flavor to the meat. Don't you?” The orc said happily. I thought we could maybe get through this without another fight then Artemis raised her bow and fired. She missed him completely as her shot flew over his head. Hit a frying pan on a shelf that fell and hit him on the head and he feel down.

“Nice shot.” Selene smiled.

“I was aiming for his head.” Artemis frowned.

“Let's get out of here while we can.”

“Let me check his pockets first.” Selene said as she bent down over the ogre.

Minerva: Really? We are running for our lives and you want to loot an enemy?

Sam: Come on. That should have been a boss fight if Anna hadn't one shoot him with a twenty. He has to have something good on him.

Paige rolls the dice.

Paige: You quickly found out that he does indeed have something in his pocket, it is big, long, and at least twelve inches long when soft.

Chris: Oh fuck.

A smile crossed Selene's lips as she found nothing on the ogre worth mentioning. We made a quick exit but ended up having to run from the dwarves who had went out the front and went around the tavern. It was a long chase but we managed to loose them after a few blocks.

“Please tell me you guys found something.” Minerva panted as she leaned over. Her large breast heaving up and down in her top as she panted from being out of breath.

“We meet Alex, she was a very lovely woman.”

“What?” Minerva looked at her confused.

“It was short for Alexandria.” I added and Minerva shook her head standing up.

“Why is your tit out?” Artemis opened the robe to she it off as she leaned down and gave it a few pokes as she giggled.

“Lock Box Mimic.” Selene pulled her cloak shut.

“I hate those fucking things. At least it wasn't a toilet this time.” Minerva frowned.

“Did you capture it?” Artemis smiled.

“No why?”

“I want one as a pet.” Artemis said as she skipped along splashing in a puddle and kicking up water. At least she was a happy drunk.

“You can not keep a mimic as a pet.” Selene shook her head.

“That would make for some fascinating magical research though.” Minerva touched her chin.

“It's dead.” Selene added.

“Maybe the paladin could bring it back...” Artemis began to say.

“No.” Selene and I said together.

“Where are we going. Shouldn't we get an Inn for the night?” I asked.

“Through here?” Selene said as she cut down an alley. “We set up a camp of sorts nearby.” She said as she led us to a small tent in between two buildings. Looked hardly big enough for two people to sleep in.

“Looks cozy.” I frowned.

“Much.” Artemis ducked inside.

“If you say so.” I frowned. Selene went in next followed by Minerva. I had no clue how all three managed to walk in.

“Come on in.” Artemis reached out and grabbed my arm and **** me in. I ducked down and went in and found myself inside a room. It was the tent still with white canvas walls but it was much bigger then actually possible. A full room with a wash basin, twin feather beds, two chest at the foot of the beds, a changing curtain, a mirror, small desk and table where Minerva was lighting a lantern.

“What in the?” I looked back outside and then around the room.

“It's bigger on the inside.” Artemis said as she held out her arms.

“Like her mouth.” Selene said as she peeked out from behind the screen as she changed tops.

“Hey.” Artemis frowned.

“It was a compliment.” Selene said from behind the screen. “I have seen how much you can fit in there is all.”

“Ooh. I really can. Want to see me fit a whole sword down my throat. I totally can.” Artemis smiled.

“Maybe later.” I shook my head at the thought.

“So did you get anything useful?” Minerva said changing the subject. We went over what had happened and handed her the letters which she read.

“So according to these letters Alexandria and the Dragon Queen were in a party together years ago and became lovers. The party defeated the dark lord and his army and then the dragon queen took the egg before it hatched to raise it. With it she conquered the orcs, goblins, and trolls and now has turned her sight on the human kingdoms. She was giving Alexandria a chance to flee the city before the next full moon. No doubt when her army will attack.” Minerva shook her head.

“Question is who is the wizard who betrayed the dragon queen that she fears.” Selene shook her head as she looked at one of the letters. Artemis meanwhile was giggling as she poked her finger in and out of a slit in the paper she was holding, rather suggestively, where Selene had stabbed the letters.

“Well we can't go back and ask.” Minerva gave her a look. “Our next step is finding the wizard. If we had something he enchanted like the lock box that attacked you I might be able to cast a locater spell.” Minerva said.

“I might have something.” Selene grabbed her satchel from where she had hung it and pulled out

“Ooh. What is that?” Artemis said as she came over.

“A magic wand of sorts.” Selena smiled at me.

“Looks like a unicorn horn?” Artemis said as she took it in hand and giggled.. “Ooh it jiggles.”

“It is a unicorn horn.” Minerva said as she took it.

“Poor unicorn has no horn.” Artemis pouted. “Why does it vibrate?”

“Best you don't know.” I replied.

“Lets see.” Minerva laid it on the table and cast a spell. The horn quickly turned and pointed south. “That did it. The wizard must be in town or his workshop anyways.” At least he wasn't in the castle to the north. That was a headache we didn't need. “We should get some rest and head over in the morning. Your still loopy from getting a dose of your own medicine, he is drunk, and I am tired.”

“What about him.”

“I guess he can crash with one of us. We only have two beds so who do you want to bunk with tonight?"

Who do you sleep with tonight?