Intermission 1

Sylvia was in a bad mood. It didn’t matter that it was a lovely day outside, or that she was drinking her favorite venti nonfat soy chocolate-caramel macchiato with two pumps of whipped cream and sprinkles out on the veranda of her favorite café.

That didn’t solve her problem.

“Why haven’t I been getting any screentime?!” She demanded, slamming her cup on the table in frustration. “This is supposed to be MY season! MY show! And what, I get maybe ONE cameo appearance per episode?! This is ridiculous! I knew it was a mistake to do dates with all the girls! We should have just beelined straight towards the first competition, right?!”

Dakota sat across the table, sipping her copy. She gave Sylvia a dead-eyed stare.

“…Why am I here?”

“Why do you think!?” Sylvia demanded. “This is all your fault! Fix it!”

“…How is this my fault?” Dakota asked.

“Because of that little stunt I had to pull to drag your ghostly butt back into the world of the living, the producers have been down my ass,” Sylvia grumbled, taking another sip of her drink. “They’re all ‘who do you think you are, bending the laws of reality?’ And ‘don’t think you’re hot stuff, this is your first show you know!’ and I’m all ‘she’s here for a reason, just be patient!’ God, those guys just don’t know what’s what, you know?”

Dakota said nothing, keeping her icy stare levied at Sylvia.

Sylvia smirked. “But the numbers don’t lie! I showed those producers the data, how you’re in first place in the popularity polls, and that shut them right up. Aren’t I brilliant? I’m brilliant, aren’t I? Go ahead, you can tell me.”

Dakota drained her coffee and tossed it into the trash can.

“Can I go now?”

“No, I need you to help me!” Sylvia wailed, quickly ordering Dakota another. “Your popularity, I want it! I need your screentime! Even just a few hours’ worth!”

Dakota couldn’t believe that the host of Harem Hotel had such little backbone.

“Have some fucking self-respect,” she muttered, shaking her head. “I’m not here to help make things easier on you, you know, I’m here for Nick.”

“This IS for Nick!” Sylvia pleaded. “The more popular the host, the more popular the master! And the more popular the master, the more viewers we get! And then… oh! Then there will be more people to vote for you, giving you more BP, and then you can use that BP to support your master! See? Isn’t that a good deal?”

Dakota raised her eyebrow. “That sounds like you’re planning to rig the poll.”

Sylvia jumped, and glanced aside.

“…Nooooooo…”

“Weren’t you the one who acted all big and tough about my popularity poll results, telling me not to mistake that for my actual popularity?” Dakota asked, slightly amused by Sylvia’s sudden change of heart.

“W-Well, that was then…” Sylvia mumbled. “I-I’m sure you’re doing just fine… yup…”

Dakota’s eye twitched. Sylvia had a rather poor poker face.

The blonde cleared her throat. “Anyway! How popular you may be doesn’t really matter! The important thing is that you’ve got story presence! You could be at the bottom of the poll and you’d still be one of the star players! Everyone’s thrilled to see what you’ll do next!”

She sunk down until she was resting her chin on the table, body more liquid than solid at this point.

“This is so hard… why would anyone want to be a host?” She groaned.

Dakota took a sip from her new cup. “You tell me.”

Sylvia stuck her tongue out instead of obliging.

“Why do you hate me so much?” She wailed. “Shouldn’t we be getting along? I brought you back to life, you know!”

“And?” Dakota took another sip of coffee.

“We’re practically parent and child!”

“…Well, I’m certainly willing to agree that you’re childish,” Dakota replied.

Sylvia’s lips began to tremble, and she nearly burst into tears. But she bit back her despair and put on her “host” persona again.

“Just for that, I’m going to penalize you in the next challenge!” She crowed.

“And you wonder why I don’t like you,” Dakota scowled.

“C-Come on! It’s part of the job!” Sylvia wailed. “I have to be mean! It’s not like I want to do all this stuff! I don’t have a choice! If it was up to me, you’d absolutely win first place! You’re my favorite, after all!”

“I’m your favorite to win? Really?” Dakota was surprised to hear that.

“Oh, yeah, a bad bitch like you, who doesn’t take shit from anyone else?” Sylvia grinned. “You’re fucking badass! I just know you’re going to end up sleeping with Nick first!”

She winked. “I’m rooting for you, Dakota.”

Dakota offered a fake smile in response.

“Well, if you want me to win so badly, then you can just switch up the order a bit and have me get my alone time with him first this next week,” Dakota suggested.

Sylvia clicked her tongue and shook her head. “Now, now, you know I can’t do that. Just because you’re my personal favorite, that doesn’t mean I can alter the rules for you, you know! A host must be impartial in all things! And besides… you don’t seem like you've learned your lesson.”

“Oh?” Dakota narrowed her eyes into a glinting glare.

“The whole reason your last date fell through was because you moved too fast,” Sylvia explained. “He still saw you as a child, right? You’ve got to get to know him better. Let him see you for who you are now.”

Her eyes sparkled. “Then he’ll love you as much as I do!”

“…Right. Because the audience just loves me now.”

Sylvia averted her eyes again.

“Audience! Did someone say audience?” She tapped her cane and conjured a giant sack stuffed to the brim with letters. “Let’s take a look at some fan mail! Our viewers back home have written to you girls, asking all sorts of questions! Let’s take a look!”

She grabbed a letter from the bag and flipped it open.

“HungryAndHorny73 wants to know… Dakota? Dakota, where are you going?! Dakota?! Don’t walk away! Stop flipping me off! Dakota, that’s mean! Dakotaaaaa!”

Please, send all letters to Harem Hotel: Island Holiday Season, PO Box XXXXX, care of…