Intermission - Anxiety and doubts.

It was still early. Three hours too early, but Diana was already panicking. You couldn’t tell from looking at her, though. Her face was calm and stoic as she browsed through her limited collection of shirts and tops. Her chest, however, felt painfully tight and her heart beat rapidly.

She had a date in three hours. Her first date in years. A date with an 18 year old young man she scantily knew.

Diana didn’t know what she would do on the date. It was a double date, with Maria and her own boyfriend, but even so, Diana was lost. She didn’t even know what to wear.

She grabbed two different tops from her closet. Should she go for something modest and mature or something bright and sexy? It was a hard decision for more than one reason. She wanted to make a good impression, after all, but…

Diana pursed her lips and sat on her bed, dropping the tops on the floor as she tightly gripped her knees.

Since her sophomore year of high school and until that point, Diana only had three boyfriends. Two in high school, one in sophomore year of university. None of those relationships lasted longer than a month. She was also never the one to ask the other person out. She was always the one pursued, and… she had a good idea why. She looked towards the full mirror on the wall of her bedroom and glared at herself.

Diana had the type of body most men drooled over. A large bosom, a narrow waist, large hips, a plump behind, long legs, a good-looking face… It was all Diana had going for her, however. Her generally stoic demeanor and her sudden glares pushed them all away. She knew it was her fault, but it was, and still is, a reflex that’s nearly impossible for her to stop.

“It’s like you fucking hate me,” they’d say.

She didn’t. She never hated anyone. That face, those glares… were her body’s response to intense nerves and anxiety.

Diana never understood what it was to ‘date’. How was she supposed to act around someone who liked her? Nothing ever came natural, and overthinking made her brow furrow, her eyes narrow and chest hurt.

Maria said it herself. Diana didn’t believe in love at first sight, which was the reason she accepted when previous boyfriends, before then mere acquaintances, asked her out on dates. She wanted to know them and for them to know her, but fear of being disliked led to awkward interactions, and thus to truly being disliked. That the exact same pattern repeated three times drove into Diana the idea, the belief that she was just unlikable.

If Maria hadn’t been there all those years to continuously fight off that belief, it was likely that Diana would’ve fallen into a deep depression.

This time, however, it was different. Diana felt… the ‘spark’, love at first sight. Of course, she knew it wasn’t love per se. It was merely attraction, but… an attraction so strong it kept her up at night, rolling around in bed thinking of what it would be like if this young man and her actually clicked.

It was a dumb, welcome distraction from the worry over her father while he was hospitalized, and welcome still after the day of his passing. Idle fantasies to make her smile with a shake of her head after a tiring day. And now… she had a date with the young man, with… Oliver.

He wasn’t going to be what he was in her fantasies. She wasn’t so deluded as to believe he would be. But Maria spoke highly of him, said he’d understand.

This time, it was Diana who wanted to pursue a man. That he was younger complicated things a bit, but it was the first time her heart pushed her towards someone instead of her brain making her stubbornly pursue a goal. She didn’t want to waste this resolve.

…

Even if it did end up in disappointment.

“...You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, though. Right dad?”

God, what would he think about this? He was always one to let her make her own decisions, but she couldn’t imagine he’d be very thrilled to know about this.

And that brought her back to her still undecided choice of outfit. Should she lean on her looks with a sexier look, or should she put on something modest and try to make him fall for her personality? It was clear which option had the better chances, but if Maria was so damn sure about all this…

Diana made up her mind. She grabbed her blue jeans, a black T-shirt and her reliable dark green bomber jacket. She tried them all on and decided it was a winner. After all, they weren’t going to some fancy restaurant. According to Maria, it was something very casual.

All that was left was… her choice of underwear.

…

…

They… weren’t going to have sex on the first date, were they? Of course not, so there was no need to pick anything fancy.

…

…

But what if it happened? If there was one thing she knew about Oliver, it was that… he was a sex machine. Diana’s cheeks burned at the thought, but it was true. At least, a man going a full night with five women had to be, unless they were just playing cards all their time there. And again, if Maria was to be believed…

…

Ugh, Diana didn’t know what to do. She even found herself glaring again. She didn’t want to seem… ****, but she’d be lying if she said it wasn’t something she looked forward to. With how good-looking he was, and that lean, muscled body… Dammit, even the fact he was shorter than her was a plus!

…

Diana went and picked the only set of sheer, black lace underwear she owned. No one needed to know what she was wearing under her clothes, but if things did go down that way, she wouldn’t be caught wearing old, comfortable panties.

Besides, if things truly got to that point, it meant the boy was worth it.

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