Interlude: Joshua Abraham Norton

Our historical series continues, this time with one of Eris’ picks for the Multiplier

I walk the streets of the city that I’ve chosen as the seat of my power. I proudly wear the uniform of a union soldier, the gold epaulettes and brightwork shining in the few remaining rays of sunlight that filter through the clouds. I must do my rounds, inspect the roads and walks, see to it that my city is kept in good repair so my people may thrive. My men follow behind me, a proud pair, as fitting an honor guard as any man could ask for. I do wish Bummer would stop rifling through trash cans though.

We find ourselves in Chinatown, the heart of San Francisco’s ethnic community and an astounding sight for any who have not witnessed it before. The people all happily greet me, and in my benevolence I accept the taxes that they pay to me in the form of food and a new pair of shoes. I hear noises up ahead and Lazarus begins to growl. I stroke his slightly matted coat and set walking stick to pavement as I approach the ruckus.

Several armed white men are harassing a group coolies. They wave sticks and scream imprecations, vulgarly threatening these good honest laborers. Denis Kearny’s lot. I must intervene.

Through **** of main will and the imperial majesty in which I cloak myself I raise my walking stick, a gift from Columbia herself when she gave unto me the divine office of Emperor of the United States, and proceed to the front of the crowd, which parts before me much as the Red Sea did for Moses. Placing myself between the groups, I fall to my knees and pray as Jesus taught us.

Perhaps awed by my imperial majesty the men of Kearny’s mob join me in prayer. When I finish, I speak a phrase near and true to my own heart. “We are all God’s children. Go and sin no more.”

Following my imperial dictate the crowd disperses peacefully and without a word. The men and I join these good laborers for their evening meal.

Joshua Abraham Norton, the second of three children was (probably) born on Feb. 4 1818 in London. His family moved to South Africa when he was two, his youngest brother born in transit, and upon his parents **** emigrated to the United States. In (again, probably) 1849 he arrived in San Francisco with (allegedly) $40,000 and not much else (still quite a bit. Today that would be over $13 million). And he prospered.

Right up until the rice famine in China led to an embargo on the export of that substance, raising its value from 4 cents/pound to 36 cents. Norton was offered a deal on the contents of a freighter traveling from Peru pack to the brim with rice, and he went all in at 12 cents to the pound, hoping to corner the market. He would have too if five other freighters also loaded with Peruvian rice hadn’t shown up on the same day, dropping the going rate to 3 cents/pound. What he hadn’t sunk into rice Norton ended up paying in court costs trying to get the purchase contract reversed, and by 1858 he was living in a half dollar a day flop house with no real personal effects.

Something happened to Norton Maybe he left town for a while maybe he just went gradually more and more insane. Records are kind of sketchy. What we know for sure is that on September 17, 1859 he published the following in the San Francisco Evening Bulletin newspaper:

At the peremptory request of a large majority of the citizens of these United States, I, Joshua Norton, formerly of Algoa Bay, Cape of Good Hope, and now for the last nine years and ten months past of San Francisco, California, declare and proclaim myself Emperor of these U.S., and in virtue of the authority thereby in me vested do hereby order and direct the representatives of the different States of the Union to assemble in Musical Hall of this city, on the 1st day of February next, then and there to make such alterations in the existing laws of the Union as may ameliorate the evils under which the country is laboring, and thereby cause confidence to exist, both at home and abroad, in our stability and integrity.

It was signed: “Norton I, Emperor of the United States.”

Emperor Norton went on to become one of the most beloved of San Francisco’s residents, regularly seen with other beloved street characters such as the pair of dogs Lazarus and Bummer, issuing a number of (largely ignored) proclamations calling for (but not limited to):

• The dissolution of Congress
• The abolition of political parties
• Women, blacks, and Chinese being given the right to vote.
• The construction of a bridge or tunnel connecting San Francisco to nearby Oakland

The above vignette is an apocryphal tale of Norton stopping a riot , but is very much in character for the man. He survived off the kindness of his ‘subjects’ through donations masked as ‘taxes’ to save his pride. He printed his own money which was commonly accepted throughout all of San Francisco.

Norton was so loved that upon being arrested for “vagrancy (untrue) and lunacy (probably true)” he was granted a full pardon by the police chief following scathing reviews in all the local newspapers calling for clemency. Following his release, Norton granted the arresting officer a full pardon. Police saluted the Emperor when he was about his rounds following that incident.

Norton passed away on January 8th 1880. The Morning Call (the newspaper Mark Twain worked for in San Fran) ran this obituary the following day:

On the reeking pavement, in the darkness of a moonless night under the dripping rain, and surrounded by a hastily gathered crowd of wondering strangers, Norton I, by the grace of God, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, departed this life. Other sovereigns have died with no more of kindly care — other sovereigns have died as they have lived with all the pomp of earthly majesty, but **** having touched them, Norton I rises up the exact peer of the haughtiest King or Kaiser that ever wore a crown. Perhaps he will rise more than the peer of most of them. He had a better claim to kindly consideration than that his lot “forbade to wade through slaughter to a throne and shut the gates of mercy on mankind.” Through his harmless proclamations can always be traced an innate gentleness of heart, a desire to effect uses and a courtesy, the possession of which would materially improve the bitterful living princes whose names will naturally suggest themselves.

His legacy lives on in the form of The Emperor Norton Trust and in the many fictional characters he has inspired.

On a side note, related to this story, The Principia Discordia — the sacred text of Discordianism — relates that, when the Goddess Eris / Discordia was asked whether She, like Jehovah, had a Begotten Son, She replied with Norton's name. The Principia notes that the Joshua Norton Cabal, a group of Discordians based in San Francisco, has as its slogan:

Everybody understands Mickey Mouse. Few understand Hermann Hesse. Only a handful understood Albert Einstein. And nobody understood Emperor Norton.