I hire an executive matchmaker.

Enough of this dicking around, you think. Time to get serious. After all, you have $40m in the bank. And you're wasting time on Tinder?

So you ask around, including Mr. Blakely, for an executive matchmaker, and you find one.

"What are you looking for in a relationship?" your new matchmaker, April, asks, all smiles.

"To get married. As quickly as possible," you state. You've paid $250,000 for the 'ultra-concierge' service, so you want to get this thing going ASAP!

"Woah-hoh!!" the matchmaker laughs. "Slow down there, sweetie. What's the hurry?"

"I just really, really want to get married," you say. "In fact, I need to get married within {marriage_weeks} weeks."

"Seriously? Within {marriage_weeks} weeks?"

"Yes, within {marriage_weeks} weeks."

"Why so specific?"

"I can't say. I just really, really want to get married."

"Okay... well, that's not usually how things work. Most of our executives... well, many of them are divorced, so they often want to have a long period of dating before they commit a second time."

"How about I give you a 1 million dollar bonus if get married within {marriage_weeks} weeks from today to someone you recommend?"

You see the pupils in her eyes dilate. You can almost hear the cash registers in her head going cha-ching!

"Well, I can see that you're serious about this!" April says, with a chipper smile, "So let's get started! Now, you're excellent with makeup, but I would definitely recommend facial feminization surgery and voice surgery if you haven't already had them. Your makeup is so good, that I really can't tell. Have you had them yet?"

{if facial_surgery == true}"Yes," you say. "I have had facial surgery."

"Excellent," says April. "It's for the best, you know, to set a good first impression."{else@}"No," you say. "I want to, but I haven't done that yet."

"No problem," says April. "But I will need you to have facial surgery, and vocal surgery, before I can start matching you with candidates. Men will want to know what they're getting, and that starts with first impressions, and that's your face and your voice. If those are nice and feminine, the rest can come later!"

"I understand," you agree.{endif}

"Now what about breast implants? I think your kind calls it 'top surgery', is that right? Are you still wearing breast forms, or have you had breast implants?"

{if top_surgery == true}"Yes, I've already had breast implants," you grin. You shake your tits at her. "Do you like 'em?"

"Those are implants, not breast forms?" April says, eyes wide. "They are amazing! Who did those for you?"

The two of you chat for a while about plastic surgeons.{else@}"No, I have not yet had breast augmentation," you say. "But I'm planning on getting it as soon as I can!"

"Excellent, I recommend you get it as quickly as you can. After all, men like to get to second base! Often on the first date, and you'll want the full experience, won't you?" she grins.{endif}

"Now that we have that out of the way, let's get to exactly what you're looking for in a mate. Do you have any requirements for your future mate? Or any preferences? What turns you on?"

"Well, confidence, obviously," you start with.

"Oh, honey, that's what we all want," April says. "But seriously, do you have a list?"

"Well, okay. Number 1, he has to be ready for marriage. And I mean, right away. No waiting. No long engagements. I need to be married in {marriage_weeks} weeks."

"Yes, I understand. Within {marriage_weeks} weeks."

"And not one week more! It has to be {marriage_weeks}. Not {marriage_weeks} plus one!"

"Yes yes, Jennifer, I hear you loud and clear. Less than {marriage_weeks} weeks. But what else? What's your number 2 criteria?"

You think about this for a long time.

"Well, look at me. I have the blonde hair. And the bling," you finger your TROPHY WIFE necklace. "And I love pink. I'm a bimbo trophy wife."

"Well, now, I wouldn't say..." April tries to disagree.

"No, that's just who I am. I'm an over the top, bimbo, sex-crazed, trophy wife with big tits and big lips. Have you ever had someone like me as a client?"

"Well, I was a matchmaker for one of the Real Housewives of Orange County."

"PERFECT! That's me! And so I need a guy who wants a girl like me."

"Got it. What else?"

"Well, I've never had sex with a man."

"WHAT???? YOU'RE A VIRGIN???"

"Well, remember, I'm transgender, so..."

"Ah, now I understand. Okay, so someone who wants a lot of sex."

"YES."

"What else?"

After that, you list all of the usual things. Caring, honest, no games, etc.

Hours later, April finally has enough information to get started.

"Before I go," she says. "One last question. Would you say that you are more submissive or dominant?"

"Oh, that's easy," you say. "I'm {I am submissive}% submissive."

"That's an oddly precise answer," April says.

"I have just been through an oddly precise experience," you answer.

April, confused by your answer, leaves to go research and interview some potential mates!