I discovered I'm ill-equipped for the task

When that blinding white light faded, I blinked my narrow eyes-- bleary on the best of occasions-- and readjusted my vision to the relative darkness of my room. It felt like no time had passed at all and, indeed, the room looked the same as it had when that light overtook me. The main differences were two: the first, that Regina was nowhere to be seen, giving the room a bit of a lonesome feeling to it, not that I wasn't used to it being that way. No number of fictional character posters and toys would make a permanent room for one feel otherwise. The second difference: while I'd been dressed in a pretty goofy way before being overtaken by the light, Regina had played a little practical joke on me, swapping out my clothing before she left. In the place of my bra and panty set, I now wore a ridiculous pink helmet with functionless white wing accessories above the ear on either side, with matching pink bikini armor, doing nothing to hide my un-hero-like belly. It just barely did what it needed to with my heavy tits and ass. The gloves and boots were actually pretty substantial, but whoever designed this thing had a real brazen sense of aesthetic regarding lady warriors.

There was just about no class I was less suited for than warrior. With my flabby gut, jiggly butt, and ghost-white flesh, I didn't look like anyone I'd ever seen on the cover of any role-playing-game. I couldn't even be created by most character creators, which were not typically accommodating towards body shapes such as my own. Feeling like a joke, I went to my closet to change into some different type of clothing, but what I found inside did not surprise me: nothing. Regina had cleaned out my whole closet and left me with just this lame armor. If I wanted more, I'd probably have to get it out of a treasure chest or from some town merchant. Panicking, I ran to my bedside table... my wallet was still there, along with my credit card. I gave a sigh of relief. If all of my money was worthless now and I had to have gold pieces from monsters to buy things, that would definitely be a step too far on Regina's part.

I ended up making myself look even more ridiculous, throwing a pocket-book around one shoulder so that I could carry my wallet there, given that my outfit was woefully short on places to put things. It barely even held me, let alone anything else.

Regina had left me without much in the way of instructions, so I decided to do what I'd normally do in any such situation: consult the internet! What I found there was the most shocking part yet... the internet was disconnected. Not my perfectly stable, otaku-certified internet, my sole basis for choosing this part of town when scoping out my apartment! I couldn't possibly be without internet!

But I was.

As I leaned over my desk with trembling arms, I finally noticed a text file, minimized to the bottom. When I opened it up, I found Regina's idea of "instructions."

"Hey, Tabby!
I left this message somewhere I was sure you'd find it. As an added incentive to start into this grand friendship adventure you yourself devised, I've taken a note from one of the alternate Tabbies and killed your ability to access the internet. Think of this as you mind-controlling yourself and don't test it; no matter what you try, you will never be able to 'use the internet' until you defeat the demon overlord and save the world. This is to keep you on task!"

I clutched my head and screamed, while stomping my feet up and down hard enough to shake the floor. What the fuuuuck?! I'd have given up all of my friends forever before I gave up the ability to use the internet! What does alternate timeline Tabatha know that I don't?! How could we ever give up the internet, of all things?!

"Don't worry, it's a very straightforward quest. Your friends are spread throughout the city, very close to your apartment, in my 'dungeons.' You'll have to assemble your old chums one-by-one and work through these dungeons, defeating the bosses in each. Once you've gathered the whole party and geared up, you can challenge me in a very public location! If you really rush, you could probably do this all in a day or two!
That armor I've given you is beginner equipment. It's the strongest defensive gear available to you for the moment, so don't waste time thinking, 'hmm, would I be better off wrapping a bedsheet around myself like a dress?' Warriors don't wear bedsheets, silly! You're going to need defensive gear when you venture out.
You'll find a sword waiting for you in the umbrella bin.

"A sword?!" I shouted out loud, turning my head to look over my shoulder in horror at the leather-wrapped hilt of an over-sized, fantasy style silver blade sticking out from the little tub that ordinarily held my single umbrella. I couldn't imagine a scenario in which I ventured outside of my room looking like this, let alone hoisted a weapon like that around or attacked things with it. Just dragging it around with me was going to be a huge pain... In terms of ease-of-cosplay, this stupid character I'd been turned into was about a 2 out of 10, challenged only by a two-lady centaur costume I'd been the back half of once with Rene. That costume had seemed like a good idea when I was just imagining my face pushed up against her butt for a full convention's time, but I'd nearly died wearing it. That's a story for another time.

Reluctantly, I stepped towards the door, holding out my nervously shaking gloved hand to grip the sword's handle... before I thought the better of it. I'd survived this long as a shut-in, dammit! This is too much! Regina and however many alternate timeline Tabathas can't **** me to walk outside in something like this, to fight monsters or whatever with a sword! I'm going to just stay inside and reread my favorite manga until either Regina comes and fixes this or else, I might just die. I'd really rather die than be seen in this.

I opened up the first chapter of my favorite manga, only to be treated to no pictures, save a little doodle of Regina with a word bubble rising up. In that word bubble was the text "HA! NO."

I threw the manga down onto the floor in frustration and started crying. How did the me in another dimension not understand without the internet and manga, I'm nothing! Nothiiiiing!

...

I stewed on it for a bit longer and finally came to an optimistic, hopeful conclusion. If alternate dimension Tabatha had really thought it was a good idea to go this far, then it must really be worth it to reconnect with my friends. This was tough love. This was just me making sure that I don't lose sight of what's important.

With a deep sigh, I grabbed my sword from its ignoble holder, then squinted against the light as I gently pushed open my door. If anyone was outside, right there by the stairwell, I was going to jump back into bed and pull the covers over me... I wasn't sure if my clothing would be considered "normal" after Regina's changes to the world, but after how much she'd teased me already, I suspected I'd draw some looks.

Finding the outside hall empty and feeling extra goofy, I locked the apartment door behind me, then stashed the key inside my ill-matching pocket-book. Had any hero ever begun their adventure by locking up their one-bed apartment for fear of home intrusion?