Challenges and ridicule, but also, the path of a legend!

I knew that with the powers I'd given Regina in the name of reconnecting with my friends, it was possible the world would end up transformed over my flight of fancy. I pictured a whole fantasy trope world, recreated with simple houses scattered amongst lavish mansions and castles, townships, that sort of thing. Basically, I was picturing a medieval fantasy that would match my new armor and sword.

The truth was much more slapdash. Certain things had changed far less than I expected: everyone's clothing was exactly the same, the buildings were just as tall and modern as ever. Others had clearly been altered. For starters, "Overlord Regina's" face was plastered all over everything: advertisements, TVs, just about everywhere you could fit her face. It was as though most of the world's media had been replaced by her own admittedly beauteous visage, just for the sake of cutting me off cold turkey from my day-to-day routine of doing nothing but consuming content.

Going back to that "everyone but me is dressed the same" part, I was immediately aggravated to realize that people were giving me odd looks and referring to me as though I was some sort of cosplayer. I made it about halfway down the block exploring before I finally had to grab somebody and shake them by the shoulders. The recipient of my ire was an unfortunate old woman, over a head shorter than me. "I have an important mission, okay?! I wouldn't dress this way if the entire world wasn't at stake! It is, right?! I mean, it's kind of my fault, but the whole world is waiting for me to finish my mission! So don't cover your mouth and shake your head when I walk by, okaaay!?" I roared, jostling her back and forth in a way that might count as elder ****, thinking back to it.

"Important mission, you say?" the woman questioned, once I finally worked all my rage out of my system. "I'd assumed you were a shameless pervert dressed in the costume of the hero of legend. Are you saying you are the hero of legend?" She adjusted the round spectacles on her face to get a better look at me, then frowned, showing a marked lack of hope or enthusiasm. "... I always thought the hero of legend would be a little thinner. Or smaller in general."

"Yeah, well, deal with it!" I pouted, crossing my arms at my chest and turning to stomp away irritably. I'd made it a few steps before I spun back around. "Wait, you said 'hero of legend,' right? That means there's legends about me! They might say where I'm supposed to go first. How does the legend open?"

The elderly lady looked somewhat pleased to have her knowledge invoked and was eager to rattle on about. She coughed into one fist, then crossed her hands behind her back before beginning. "The legend says that Overlord Regina sealed a great percentage of our ancestor's culture and the invention known as 'the internet' using her magical powers. According to the legend, a hero will emerge to reclaim all of this for mankind! She will venture forth from an odious cave-"

"Odious cave?" I questioned, scowling at what was certainly Regina dissing my musty apartment.

"-And rally a party including a priestess, a thief, and a magician, in that order. She will face perilous trials, overcoming each obstacle with the following virtues. First, the warrior and priestess will join together in a union blessed by God himself as all people bear witness, for it is right and good for them to display their fealty towards one another. Second, the warrior and thief will share a night of revelry and frolic, before facing their greatest mutual trial at sunrise. Finally, the warrior and mage will rekindle a magic that was lost; this magic will be key to defeating the silver-haired overlord and restoring the world to its proper form. It is said that if each task is performed to its completion, the warrior will form an unbreakable bond with each of her companions and the Overlord will be **** into retreat!" the old lady announced dramatically, waving her cane above her head as though she fancied herself some sort of wizard.

"Rekindling magic and forming unbreakable bonds, eh? That sounds like just what I was looking for," I mused, rubbing my chin thoughtfully with my leather-gloved fingers. "Sorry for being such a nuisance, ma'am! You've been a huge help." I did my best, deepest bow.

"You're welcome, sweetie, but easy on the bows while you're in that getup. I can see straight down your breastplate to the tips of your nipples when you do that, no matter how you're stuffed in there," she warned me; I tried to take that advice to heart. "I'll impart another piece of wisdom to you before you set off on your journey. The Priestess Gina waits at the Hall of Matronly Burden, located where it's said the old Pentecostal church used to be. That place is the Overlord's territory, so keep your wits about you! I'm certain you'll face your first trial before meeting up with your companion."

"Oh geez. That does sound like a burden alright," I admitted, not exactly striking the figure of a brave and heroic warrior as I let the point of my oversized sword fall to the ground and my shoulders slouch. My gear suddenly felt heavier, despite its scantness-- granted, the sword was the majority of the weight. I wondered if I'd get fit and buff, if I kept dragging it all over the place? It'd at least be a good workout for the biceps. "I'll head for the Hall." It wasn't as though I'd ever had a reason to go to the Pentecostal church before, but I still knew where it was. It was hard to miss, with it being a church in a crowded urban apartment district. "Say, did they happen to mention the hero of legend getting better armor with superior coverage anywhere in those legends?"

"No, I don't believe so."

"Of course. Thanks!" I waved one large hand to excuse myself, then headed towards the first of my goals.

The Hall of Matronly Burden looked... basically just like the Pentecostal church before whatever renovations had made it into such an ominously named structure. The only change I could notice was the signboard outside, which had its name modified and its display message reading: "WE WELCOME ALL CHILDREN NO MATTER HOW SPOILED." What a standoffish message! I was still wracking my brain, trying to come up with what all of this "matronly burden" business meant. "Did that mean... fuck, is she pregnant?" I asked out loud, although I covered my mouth like a gossiper as I said that. I kind of hoped that wasn't the case. I sort of intended this magic to have a romantic twist to it and if Gina was pregnant, that'd mean two things: one, that she was already spoken for, and two, that she was a fan of the man. Neither one of those were things I'd ever picked up on and for the sake of not being a horrible person who ruins married life for the sake of her own twisted desires, I deeply hoped I'd misinterpreted the meaning of this church's name.

The wish to clear my head of that possibility urged me forward as strongly as anything, as I approached the brick building and placed one gloved hand on the door. The other one rested upon my blade's hilt. I hadn't ruled out the possibility that Regina actually intended for me to physically fight goblins or wolves or something, as ridiculous as that would be...