I Picked the Wrong Place to Stand

The square erupted on cue.

Buggy’s pirates jumped, danced, and fired their pistols into the storm as if their captain had already cut Luffy’s head off. Some climbed onto carts to wave their weapons over the crowd. Others stamped through puddles while chanting Buggy’s name. Dak, still wearing his ridiculous jester’s hat, had somehow decided this was the perfect moment to start his juggling routine.

The Buggy Pirates were so fucking weird.

Buggy planted one boot upon the wooden stocks and raised his sword toward the clouds.

“Pirate Monkey D. Luffy, the criminal, is to be flashily executed for the crime of getting me angry by becoming stuck-up!” What?

His crew roared. More pistols fired into the air, adding drifting gun smoke to the rain.

The rest of the square was less unified. Some people cheered because Buggy had encouraged them. Others objected. A few Straw Hat admirers shouted encouragement from the back, while most of the crowd seemed happy to watch whatever happened next.

Luffy tugged against the stocks and glared up at Buggy.

He said something I couldn't hear. Buggy snapped back immediately, pointing his sword at Luffy’s face. Luffy answered. Buggy stamped his foot, shouted louder, and became so involved in their argument that his grand execution briefly turned into two idiots bickering on a scaffold.

Buggy’s cock-parrot a actually smacked Luffy across the face before flitting back to Buggy’s shoulder.

Even Buggy’s cheering crew began losing track of when they were supposed to cheer.

Finally, Buggy seemed to remember his audience. He spun away from Luffy and spread his arms, recovering his performance with a flourish of his coat.

“Since you have such a big audience, don’t you want to say something before you die?”

Luffy gave him a flat, irritated stare.

Buggy waited.

Luffy continued staring.

“Well, that’s fine!” Buggy declared. “Whether you say something or not doesn’t matter, because you’re going to die!”

Suddenly Luffy shouted, “I’m the man who’ll become King of the Pirates!”

His voice carried across the entire square.

The crowd faltered. Even several of Buggy’s pirates stopped dancing and Buggy’s grin disappeared.

Luffy strained forward against the stocks, his eyes fixed upon the city beyond the scaffold as if the restraint and the sword above him were temporary annoyances.

“I’m going to find the One Piece and become the King of the Pirates!”

The silence broke beneath laughter, jeers, and scattered applause. Some people mocked him. Others shouted for him to prove it. Buggy seemed to be shaking with outrage.

Beside me, Barto mumbled, “That dumbass means it.”

Desire looked from him to Luffy. “Sounds like every other pirate who’s had too much rum.”

“No. Look at him.”

Alvida stood a few paces ahead of us, iron club resting upon her shoulder. She watched Luffy with narrowed eyes while rain slid over her body and streamed from the edges of her open cloak.

At the rear of the square, someone shouted, “Stop the execution!”

The crowd turned to see two men standing at the mouth of the southern street.

One was a blond man in a black suit with a cigarette clenched between his teeth. The other was a muscular green-haired man wearing boots, white briefs, and a black bandanna tied around his head. Three swords hung at his hip, supported by what looked like a green scarf wrapped several times around his abs.

I stared at him.

Loguetown had been strange all day, and I was currently standing behind one completely naked woman and beside another with her tits out. Even so, charging into a public execution wearing nothing but underwear, boots, a bandanna, and three swords seemed like an unusual decision. I’m assuming one of my normalities had to do with it. Was he from Goa?

Luffy lit up at the sight of them. “Zoro! Sanji!”

Zoro glared up at the scaffold. “Shame on you! There’s a limit to how much you can fool around, Luffy!”

Sanji exhaled smoke through his teeth. “If you’re starting a sideshow, let me join you.” His eyes moved across the pirates between them and the scaffold. “For now, we drive these bastards out of the way.”

Buggy swung his sword toward them.

“Pirate Hunter Zoro! So you’re here!” His grin returned as he placed his boot more firmly upon the stocks. “But you’re a little too late!”

Zoro drew two swords. Sanji dropped his cigarette and crushed it beneath his heel.

They charged.

The crowd parted so quickly that people stumbled over one another. Within seconds, a clear path opened between the two Straw Hats and the platform.

Alvida lifted her iron club.

“Don’t stand there gawking!” she shouted at Buggy’s pirates. “Get them!”

The crew obeyed. Dozens rushed forth with swords, clubs, axes, and pistols raised.

Zoro and Sanji tore into them.

The swordsman’s blades flashed through the rain, knocking aside weapons and dropping pirates before they could surround him. Sanji crashed into the other side of the charge with his hands in his pockets, his kicks launching men into the crowd.

Then Cabaji came pedaling out on his stupid unicycle.

He wove through the falling pirates, sword raised, and swept past Zoro with a slash aimed at his throat. Zoro caught the blade between his own swords. Cabaji spun his unicycle around on the wet stones and attacked again before Zoro could continue toward the scaffold.

Their weapons clashed amid the confused melee. Cabaji somehow kept balancing on one wheel while leaning, twisting, and slashing from angles that should have dumped him face-first into a puddle.

The Buggy Pirates had numbers, enthusiasm, and a man fighting from a unicycle. It still wasn't enough to defeat the two Straw Hats, but it was keeping them away from the scaffold. They wouldn’t be able to save him in time.

Buggy was still holding his sword high and laughing. Well, that is if the crazy bastard would actually swing the blade already….

Interestingly enough his own dick has the same notion as it hovered beside him and made an impatient chopping motion with its whole body.

“Not even Zoro can stop me now! This is the end of your captain!”

Luffy watched his crewmates fight their way closer. He still didn’t appear particularly worried… crazy bastard number two…

I looked away from the scaffold for only a moment.

Smoker remained on the rooftop with his jitte resting against one shoulder. He had not joined the execution or ordered his men forward. He simply watched through the rain.

Then I noticed the rifles.

Marines had taken positions along the surrounding roofs. More waited at several street entrances, partially concealed behind civilians and market stalls. And it all came together. It was a trap.

This seemed bad. I thought about just walking away. With my normality aura, none of those Marines would stop me. It would be just like back on that cruise ship back at the beginning of all this.

Buggy adjusted his grip upon the sword.

Zoro remained trapped in a flashing exchange with Cabaji. Sanji battered through the pirates swarming around the scaffold supports, but fresh bodies kept filling the space ahead of him.

Buggy’s blade began to descend.

Luffy looked down at his approaching crew.

His expression changed, but not into fear.

He smiled.

It was broad, peaceful, and completely wrong upon the face of a man watching a sword fall toward his neck.

“Zoro! Sanji!” he called lightly. “Sorry, I’m dead!”

White swallowed the square.

I squeezed my eyes shut, but the glare burned red through my eyelids. The stones jumped beneath my boots. A crushing boom punched the breath from my lungs before I could understand what was happening.

Desire caught the back of my shirt and hurled me down. My shoulder struck the wet street, and then she dropped over me, one enormous breast mashed across the side of my head while her arm shielded my face.

Through the narrow space beneath her, I saw Barto plant himself in front of us and cross the index and middle fingers of both hands.

His mouth opened in a shout that vanished beneath a splintering roar.

Something broad and almost perfectly clear snapped into place ahead of him. Rain burst against its surface, outlining it for an instant before broken planks and twisted pieces of iron smashed into it.

The debris stopped in midair, one piece big enough that it surely would have smashed right into me.

More struck behind it. Burning wood broke apart against nothing. Sparks scattered across a surface I could barely see while Desire pressed me flat against the stones and the square disappeared beneath smoke, fire, and screaming.

Then the thunder cracked overhead.

The sound rolled through my chest and shook the ground beneath my back.